When Grief Hijacks the Nervous System
Grief doesn’t just touch the heart—it shakes the entire nervous system. In this powerful episode, Irene Weinberg sits down with women’s empowerment coach and resilience mentor Stacey Johnson, who turned the sudden loss of her husband and stepfather into a mission to help women heal, regulate, and rise. Together, they explore what happens when grief leaves us stuck, how resilience is built, and how we can honor our pain while reclaiming joy. This conversation is a beacon of hope for anyone navigating life after loss, seeking to understand their own grief, regulate their inner world, and rediscover the possibility of joy.
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THINGS LIKE:
- How Stacey’s life turned upside down after the passing of her husband and stepfather
- How working with a grief coach helped Stacey become unstuck from being anxious, regulate her nervous system and change negative or irrational thought systems.
- How Stacey’s own healing led to her mission to support women navigating life storms.
- How the strategies Stacey teaches can save a person years of mental health treatment.
SOME QUESTIONS IRENE ASKS STACEY:
- What are the most common misconceptions about healing and emotional resilience?
- How do you define emotional resilience?
- What science backed techniques help your participants reclaim intimacy, presence and joy while living fully anchored in who they are?
- What is the difference between coaching and therapy?
💗 Loss can shake us to our core—but it can also become the birthplace of profound strength. In this moving episode, Stacy Johnson shares her healing journey after the sudden loss of her husband and stepfather and how that experience inspired her mission to help women build resilience through life’s hardest seasons. Together, we explore nervous system healing, common misconceptions about resilience, and the practical frameworks Stacy uses to help women reclaim their lives with confidence and hope.
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When Grief Hijacks the Nervous System
I could not be more delighted to have the pleasure of interviewing Stacey Johnson, who is a Women’s Empowerment Coach, a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, and a Resilience Mentor. After experiencing the sudden loss of her husband and stepfather, Stacey transformed her own path of healing into a powerful mission, guiding women through life’s most difficult transitions. With deep expertise in emotional resilience, nervous system regulation, and cognitive restructuring, she equips women with practical tools to steady themselves in any circumstance, silence self-doubt, and step forward with confidence and ease.
Through her signature frameworks, the Resilience Roadmap and the Beacon Blueprint, Stacey masterfully blends science-based strategies with emotional mastery and profound inner work. Her approach empowers high-achieving women to live fully anchored in their authentic selves, reclaiming intimacy, presence, and joy.
Stacey is also the visionary Founder of Anchor Resilience – An Illumination Journey, her twelve-week group coaching program designed for women navigating grief or life-altering transitions. This transformative experience helps participants break free from overthinking, regulate their emotions, and restore their presence, both personally and professionally.
I’m looking forward to talking with Stacey, who is joining me from Concord Township, Ohio, and she tells me it’s snowing like crazy over there, about the sudden loss of her husband and stepfather, her healing journey that inspired her to empower women through life’s storms, and what happens when our nervous systems become stuck.
We’ll also discuss common misconceptions about healing and emotional resilience, learn about her signature frameworks, The Resilience Roadmap and the Beacon Blueprint, explore Stacey’s twelve-week group coaching program, and more. This promises to be an illuminating conversation that not only honors the pain of loss but also celebrates the resilience, healing, and transformative power of reclaiming your life, beautifully echoing the mission and spirit of this show. Stacey, a warm welcome to the show.
Irene, thank you for having me.
How Stacey Experienced Two Losses In Just One Month
I think we’re going to help a lot of people and you have so much to teach and share. Let’s start by having people know your story. Just share your experience with the sudden loss of your husband and your stepfather, which absolutely turned your life upside down.
Yes. It was a whirlwind of a month that we experienced back in 2021. I was a therapist working in a special education school, and I got a phone call on the morning of October 29th. It was actually my husband was calling the school office telling me, “Your mom’s been trying to get ahold of you.” I was not allowed to have a cell phone in my classrooms. He knew the office phone and he knew that that was the best way to get ahold of me.
I said, “Okay.” he says, “I think it’s Dave,” which was my stepfather, and he said, “Call me back when you know something.” my mom had shared that my stepfather was unresponsive that morning and that they were at the hospital. She did not already share with me that he was already pronounced dead. She told me what hospital he was at. I call my husband, he says, “I’ll be there shortly. I’m going to close up what I’m doing and I’ll meet you there”
Of course, we get to the hospital and the whole family was there, and we were very grateful because this was during COVID, still 2021, and they weren’t allowing family to come into hospital rooms. They were only allowing one visitor. However, because of the circumstances, they allowed the whole family to come into my stepfather’s room so that we could say our goodbyes. We did that, and we went through the funeral.
Let’s back up just a couple days before the funeral. The night of his passing, my brother and I were the last ones to leave the hospital room with my mom because she did not want to leave. She was in shock, and so when we were able to get her home, she then is in Afib. She’s telling us that she’s having a hard time breathing, all this stuff.
My brother and I basically got back in the car and went back to the emergency room. We had gone to a different emergency room than where he was because her heart doctor was with a different hospital system. We get to that hospital, the emergency room is packed. I mean, absolutely packed, and they wouldn’t let me go in with my mom. My mom immediately turned around and says, “I’m done. I’m out.” I’m like, “What are we going to do?”
My brother was trying to find parking because it was that bad. It was that packed. I basically waved him down, we got back in the car, and I said, “Go back to the other hospital that we were at the hospital,” that we were with, with my stepfather. We drove there, and they took her right back. The hospital was not as packed as the other one, and they let us to go with my mom.
They let us go with her because they had just seen us. Three hours earlier, they had just seen us leave with her. They let us go in, and she was showing signs of a heart attack, and the blood work was coming back fine or the EKG. Something came back fine, but everything else was showing that she was having a signs. They admitted her to the hospital. She stayed the night. They wanted to keep her and do some more testing, and at that, point she was more aware of everything. Everything was more regular, and she’s like, “I need to go home and start planning. I have a funeral to plan.”
I think she was suffering from a broken heart is what it feels like to me.
Yes, that’s like the broken heart syndrome. A few days after the funeral they did a test, and they did find that she needed a stent. It was probably a blessing that she had all these things tested. We had his funeral.
By the way, I just want to ask you, Stacey, were you close to him?
I was very close to him.
He’d been in your life for a long time.
Yes. My parents had been married for like 35 years, the two of them, yes. Very close. I met him when I was like eleven years old. I was very close to him, and then the night of his last service, the graveside service, my husband says, “I don’t feel so good.” I said, “No. This this can’t be happening.” Tuesday morning, I went back to work because we had done our five days of bereavement leave. I go back to work, and I call him. Tuesday, the day after the funeral, my mom was admitted to the hospital because they put a stent in.
You mean at the hospital that you couldn’t get in originally, with her doctor?
Yes. I call him and I say, “I’m leaving work,” because I was called from work by my uncle saying they’re going to admit her, so I’m leaving to go up to the hospital and be with her, and he says, “I’m headed home. I feel like a truck hit me. I feel awful. My body’s aching, I think I have a fever.”
And at the time, they were giving away free COVID tests at the local library, and I said, “I’m on my way home. I’ll hit the library and get a test,” our daughter was working evenings at the time and she was working in a nursing home. I got home, handed her the test and said, “Test your father, I got to get stuff ready to go up to the hospital to meet grandma.” By the time I finished getting all my stuff ready to go to be at the hospital, he was positive for COVID. The test had come back and he was positive for COVID. Fast forward a week and a half later, he had passed.
I had put him in the hospital, and when we took him to the hospital, they allowed me to come in very brief moments to go visit him. It was like literally garb it all up, like literally everything and got to speak with him for a few minutes. He was in the hospital a week and a half. Between the time my stepfather passed away to the time my husband passed away was three and a half weeks. At the time, my oldest was 20 and my youngest was 17.
The other thing I’m thinking is that with what happened to you, you and your mother became widows together, like in such a short period of time and completely unexpected. Now you lose these two pivotal people in your life, and you should know better, but you’re unraveling, you’re in grief. What did that look like for you?
To be honest, Irene, and now I know this is not what I should have done, but my nervous system, my unraveling looked like overdoing. I was so used to keeping the schedule, everything had to be in control and so I just kept doing. I went back to work. I worked for a school. My husband passed away the day before Thanksgiving, and only a few weeks later was going to go into winter break. I was very grateful. I had tons of sick time anyways, so I didn’t go back until January 1st, right after the winter break.
That felt normal to me to go back to work. I’ve had other friends of mine that took months off because of losing their spouse, and it felt normal to go back to work and keep that schedule. I thought if I go back to work, then it looks like I’m doing fine and my kids will continue. I had a kid in high school. I had a senior in high school, another one that was working full time, and I’m like, “This is what we do. You just go back to normal.”
What was really going on in there was that you were pushing away by being so busy.
I pushed away all the real feelings. I never really felt the grief or the fear. There was tons of overthinking in regards to what’s going to happen. How am I going to take care of things? We went into the winter season. He was my snowplower. I got a foot of snow that came out. In the last twelve hours, we’ve had a foot of snow drop in our area. When he was alive, I never would have feared like, “What do I do?”
Getting Help From A Professional Grief Coach
You had to change all your patterns, all the things, and I’m so relating because I’m a widow too and my life also was turned upside down. I I’m so relating to what you’re feeling. Now, though, you’re having all these feelings and you need some help. You recognize that you need some help. Why was that? Did you suddenly have like a nervous reaction to something while you were busy doing your thing?
No. I didn’t seek out help. Probably the algorithm works in mysterious ways, and I was liking some things on my Facebook pages in regards to grief and being a widow and things like that that a grief coach came across, and I went to some of her trainings. I didn’t go into a 12-week or a 6-month program, but I went into these containers thinking like it can’t hurt.
It resonated with me, and I started to realize that there was all of these what-ifs and should-haves that were staying stuck. Doing some of that was when I realized like, “I have the training, I’ve been a therapist for twenty years.” Now that I know what really it feels like to experience trauma, I need to use my experience and the knowledge that I had and then go into being a coach myself.
That inspired you because now you have the personal experience. That was the moment that you realized your life had to change, right?
Yeah. I attended some of her trainings and I was like, “These are things that I already know. You needed to get it together.” I had to start doing some things, letting things go emotionally instead of holding things on, because the nervous system can get stuck. We can get stuck in that cycle of doing. For me, that’s what it looked like. For some people, it can look different. We’re all made up differently. It looked like trying to keep control. Sometimes, it looked like irritability. For me, I realized that I was resonating and so my nervous system was stuck because I was stuck in this cycle of overthinking in regards to all the what-ifs.
If you hold on to things, the nervous system can get stuck in the never-ending cycle of doing. Share on X
It must have been great for your sleep.
To be honest, my sleep has never really been affected, but where I would feel it is I would always have tension in my shoulders, my neck. I walked around with headaches all the time. Now, I haven’t had a headache in a couple of years.
Misconceptions About People’s Resilience To Healing
That’s great. You decide you’re going to help women to navigate the storm you’re going through yourself, and I know that there are misconceptions people have about healing or emotional resilience. Do you want to talk to us about that path? Now you’re starting to heal yourself and you probably have all these things that you’ve learned but it doesn’t necessarily follow the way it’s ordained to follow. Do you want to tell us about that?
Yeah. People’s resilience to healing, there’s so many misconceptions. “If I heal, then I’m going to forget or I’m going to forget,” especially if they have this tragic loss like you and I, Irene, becoming a widow. I’ve worked with other women that also have suffered loss of identity or a loss of themselves, loss of just maybe they’ve gone through a divorce.
“If I heal then one, I may forget.” If we’re a widow, forget that person that we lost because healing may mean that I forget, or, “I’m fine,” because if someone would have said to me at first, you need to heal more, I would have said, “I’m fine. I go to work, my kids are doing well, I’ve got an A student, I’m doing well, I’ve figured out all the problems. I got a snowplow guy, I’ve done this.” My daughter was racing four-wheelers at the time. My husband was her mechanic, her driver, everything. I figured out how to continue her racing for that year. I just took everything on. I if there was a problem, I figured it out.
Meanwhile inside, your emotional being is not being addressed. Where’s all this going that you’re pushing away? Doesn’t that lead to illnesses and things later on if you keep suppressing?
Yes. If we don’t regulate our nervous system, if we keep pushing feelings down, they stay. They’ll stay stuck. I’m working with another mentor right now, and I didn’t even realize that I had some other feelings of fear stuck inside. This fear of actually disappointing my husband if I heal or if I move on, and so I had to learn how to let go of some of these feelings that we keep stuck, because if we keep them stuck. It will cause havoc. When people are seeing doctors and they can’t come up with a real medical diagnosis for things, that’s most likely their nervous system is over-dysregulated.
Stacey’s 30-Day Healing And Emotional Transformation Program
I can definitely relate to that. I absolutely experienced that too. What are you calling emotional resilience, Stacey?
I have a 30-day healing or emotional transformational program that I work with women, and in that journey, we touch on learning all about emotions. I identify emotional resilience as learning really what is feelings, labeling them.
What the heck is going on with you?
Being able to label them. Because if someone says, “How are you today?” You’re like, “Fine,” that really doesn’t tell me your feelings, and usually, fine means I just don’t want to talk about it and we’re just going to keep stuffing it down. Emotional resilience is one, being really aware of our emotions, and then being able to be okay with them, being okay with, “Yeah, there was fear.” when I recognized that I had this fear and I was like, “Okay. All right. Thanks. Now I’ve got it.”
Stacey’s Resilience Roadmap And Beacon Blueprint
I know a lot of women are raised as people pleasers and we take care of everybody else, and it comes a time when you’re going through something like that that it’s time to love yourself. If you don’t love yourself and take care of yourself and heal yourself, it’s going to lead to other things. You never forget the person you loved, but now it’s not your complete story of your life, like, “This enriched me, this was so wonderful, but now what? What’s next? A woman comes to you and she’s all upset, she’s got all these issues, and I know you work with them with this Resilience Roadmap and you have a Beacon Blueprint. Could you tell us about both of those?
Yes. My Beacon Blueprint is a strategy that I use with some of the science-backed techniques that I have learned through having a Master’s in Counseling and being a Licensed Clinical Counselor is cognitive behavioral techniques. I use techniques that are science-backed because we have to change our thoughts along with the somatic techniques to regulate our nervous system. If we’re not doing both, it may feel like it’s regulated, but it’s not always because there’s always those thoughts that still can get that nervous system dysregulated.
Get that blood pressure up, get all of that stuff going on.
That’s what happens inside my Beacon Blueprint. I use both techniques, and then in the Resilience Roadmap, it is a structure of regulating that nervous system but also involves the boundaries, learning to be able to have boundaries and recognize that it’s okay. When you’re talking about that people pleasing it’s okay to maybe say no and not feel guilty about it. It is giving them the tools to self-love.
Stacey’s 12-Week Group Coaching Program
Take care of themselves, and then they can better take care of those people in their lives. You also have this twelve-week group coaching program called your Anchor Resilience – An Illumination Journey, which would catch me right away. I would like that. It’s designed to spark profound transformation. How is this an immersive experience, and why do you feel that it empowers especially high-achieving women to connect to their authentic self?
I identified myself as a high-achieving woman because I was working. I was working 45 to 50 hours when my husband passed away and so I continued to use those high-achieving things to avoid a lot of those feelings. That’s why I feel I’m attracted to those high-achieving women, because I can relate to them.
I just want to ask you, so it’s a high-achieving woman, but it’s not like she’s the CEO of a company. It’s a high-achieving woman who’s very empowered within her own life, right?
Yeah, like she’s the one that is doing it all. The woman that is holding everything together. They are the CEOs, but they’re the CEOs of their household.
The woman who holds everything together at home serves as the CEO of their household. Share on X
That is so true.
They may not have a CEO out-of-home work title, but at home, they are the CEO. They are managing everybody’s schedules, they don’t know how to say no because, “I’ll take it on. I can do it.”
They’ve got all these feelings and they’re pushing them away because they got a lot to do.
The to-do list keeps happening, but we ignore our own true self and we ignore our own emotions.
Through this Anchor Resilience Program, how do you help them? Let’s say a woman here is reading. She’s like, “Maybe this is something I should do.” How do you get them from sacrificing their being to loving themselves and nurturing and taking care of themselves? What does that look like?
Yeah, it’s a combination of everything that we already talked about. We do a lot of work in regards to recognizing emotions. I use an emotional wheel. We get in tune to labeling the emotions and sitting with our emotions, allowing ourselves to sit there and really allow it to feel and recognizing, and then we do a lot of work in regards to cognitive restructuring, because there’s so many thoughts.
The people pleasing comes usually not when we’ve experienced this loss, it has been something that’s been ingrained in us years and years, and on top of women are natural people pleasers to begin with because we’re caregivers. We are programmed to do it. We dive really into all the thoughts and these faulty beliefs that we carry around and change those beliefs, and then we look at boundaries and we look at what brings us joy. We set up a self-care plan that puts joy into their life.
Finding It Hard To Make Decisions Due To Grief
That’s fabulous. That’s so wonderful. You must get women in one situation, they’re totally transformed when they come out of your program. The thoughts coming and they’re going, “I’m not going there,” because of how you think really affects your emotions also. You’ve got a story to share with us about your client who couldn’t make decisions on her own after her husband passed and how working with you changed her life. Tell us about that.
She originally came to me because she was dealing with a lot of anxiety. It was originally because of the grief of her husband. As we started to work together, she realized that she had that people pleasing, these internal thoughts like, “I’m not good enough,” and she had tremendous amount of fear. When she came to me, she couldn’t even walk into the grocery store without this fear that everybody around was judging her or something tragic was going to happen while she was at the grocery store.
We did the twelve weeks of cognitive restructuring, the emotional feelings. After a couple of weeks after she finished the program and while she was working with me, she had made the decision to put an addition onto her house, hired a contractor, made the decision what colors to use, and then she sent me a picture after we finished to thank me, and she had sent these tile pictures that she just hung up and she’s like, “I just put them. I just placed them on the wall and this is how it came out and I love it.” I said, “All that matters is that you love it.”
How Coaching Differs From Therapy
That’s how she was finding joy, which is wonderful. How is what you do different from therapy? You say that the strategies you teach save a person years of mental health treatment. Self-help books are really nice. I find they’re really great and they’re really inspiring, but you really need someone to help you cement that into your being.
I use a lot of mindfulness. I teach a lot of mindfulness, I use a lot of energy work. We’re looking at this moment. In years of therapy, when we’re working in therapists, and I’m not ditching a therapist, I’m a therapist. I’ve been a therapist, I still see some private practice therapy clients, but a lot of times, I have therapy clients that can be in in therapy for a couple of years because it’s not always just about this moment. They start coming in and they unravel years and years.
In my coaching, I’m giving them the skills to manage what’s happening right this moment and take those skills to continue working, and in therapy, a lot of times we’re going way back under. In coaching, we don’t need that. My client that came to me in the twelve weeks, she came to me with the loss of her husband, realized that she had these thoughts, and we looked at how do we change these thoughts in more of this moment. In coaching, we don’t try to figure out the why you got that message in your head of that you’re not good enough, we just know that it exists now, so let’s get the skills to get rid of it in the future.
In coaching, we do not try to figure out why you are not good enough. We simply recognize that it exists and determine what skills you need to get rid of such thinking. Share on X
It sounds like a lot of what you do is behavioral. You’re really helping them to identify negative things that have been happening and change the process.
Yes, I do use some techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy. I use somatic techniques to help regulate our nervous system with grounding tools or even emotional freedom tapping. Somatic techniques can be just learning how to do like a box breathing. I give them different breathing tools. I usually end every coaching call with some form of either breathing or a meditation or a mindfulness so then it’s things that they can continue to take with them.
Stacey’s Free Guide Grief To Grace
That’s great. That’s a tool. You’re giving them a good tool. Do you have a special offering for members of our audience?
Yes, there’s a free guide, it’s called Grief to Grace. Inside there is just like a quick quiz or assessment to see where are we with our emotions and grief, and there is some journaling prompts to take you a little bit deeper and then a meditation. They’ll have access to a meditation. After they go through that guide, if they feel the call to reach out to me, then they have a link to book a free session so we can go through that Grief to Grace book one-on-one and see if it resonates to move further either into one-on-one coaching, my 30-day emotional healing or the twelve-week program.
Healing Does Not Mean Forgetting
That’s great. What is the famous Stacey Johnson message about the importance of healing that you’d like to share with our readers? Why should they pull themselves out of this pain they’re feeling, which is going to be painful in the beginning?
It’s going to be painful. The thing about healing is that there are going to be days that you have a moment. Healing doesn’t mean we forget and healing doesn’t mean that every day is going to be great. I had a moment a couple of nights ago. My daughter and I were watching a TV show and an artist came on and was singing a song and it totally reminded me of my husband. Of course, tears come.
However, it did not take me to a place where I don’t want to get out of bed or anything like that. I recognized that, yes, I still love him and I always will, but healing means that we can recognize the feelings, but we can have joy. I was very grateful that I was watching TV with my daughter and just spending that moment next to a warm fireplace in the snowy blizzard that I’m having.
It feels like how you changed your mindset is not only are you giving yourself permission to have joy in spite of the fact that you’re also still grieving in certain ways, but you’re filled with gratitude. Is that a cognitive shift also?
Partly. Mindset too. I do a lot of mindset work. I start every morning with identifying three things that I’m grateful for, and I end my day reflecting three things that maybe I achieved or brought a smile to my day. I bookend my day because I am not allowing the negativity of things to fill my thoughts.
You’ve let so much of that negativity go. It’s wonderful. Stacey, you’ve been so instrumental in empowering women who are navigating grief or life-altering transitions to reclaim their presence, both personally and professionally, with strength and grace. I love talking with you because this is such important information. I want to thank you for shining a light on resilience, renewal, and the extraordinary power of reclaiming your life. This has been a really inspiring interview and I wish you abundant blessings.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
My pleasure. As I like to say, to be continued.
Guest’s Links:
- Stacey Johnson’s Website
- Connect with Stacey Johnson on Instagram and Facebook
- Check out Stacey Johnson’s YouTube channel
- Grief to Grace 30-day Emotional Healing
- Get your free guide Held in Grace
About Stacey Johnson
Stacey Johnson is a women empowerment coach ,resilience mentor, and founder of Anchor Resilience- An Illumination Journey, a 12 week group coaching program, where she helps self-less, strong hearted women especially those navigating the weight of grief or life altering transitions- break free from overthinking, regulate their emotions and nervous system so they can be productive in their personal and professional lives.
After experiencing the sudden loss of her husband and stepfather, Stacey turned her own healing journey into a mission to support women navigate life storms.
With a deep understanding of emotional resilience, nervous system regulation, and cognitive restructuring, Stacey equips women with the tools to:
Regulate their stress response and feel steady in any situation.
Break free from overthinking and self-doubt.
Make confident decisions and lead with ease.
Through her signature frameworks, The Resilience Roadmap & The Beacon Blueprint, Stacey provides women with practical strategies blended with emotional mastery, science backed strategies, and deep inner work, empowers women to reclaim their power, and live fully anchored in who they are.
