Relationship Advice from Video World on Vimeo.

The term “Crone” brings two very different images to mind; one, a malicious old hag, and the other, a woman who is venerated for her experience, judgment and wisdom.

Tyler Perry portrays the more positive image of a Crone brilliantly in the persona of his character known as “MADEA”. As I clicked onto the link and heard MADEA’s wise words, I was fascinated at how in sync MADEA’s advice is both to the channeled words of wisdom in They Serve Bagels in Heaven: One Couple’s Story of Love, Eternity and the Cosmic Importance of Everyday Life, and lessons I have personally learned since my husband Saul’s death:

1. “Get up and go on with your life.”

Just after Saul died next to me and the EMT’s were pulling me through the broken glass that had been the window of my car, an authoritative voice trumpeted, “Be loving and kind to everyone.” in my head. That Heaven-sent message will impact me for the rest of my life, but there was also another more earth bound message that resonated within me. I remember thinking, “I will get through this somehow because I must be a role model for Matt (my son),”  and that “you can get hit by ‘a grenade’ in life and keep on going.”

This journey from devastating loss to finding the joy in life again took me on a new path to healers who could help me to heal, not only from the trauma of my tremendous loss, but also from other traumatic events in my life. And indeed, about five years after the accident, after I had done a lot of healing work, my son said to me, “Mom, there has been nothing worse than seeing you in utter sadness and despair, and nothing better than seeing you be able to find joy again.”

2. “If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go.”

MADEA adds to that sage advice, “Some people are for a season, some for a lifetime. Don’t marry season people for a lifetime. Some people are meant to be with you for a season to teach you one lesson, not meant for a lifetime.”

Then she compares people to leaves on a tree: “Some people are like leaves, unstable and gone. Some people are like a branch; step out on them and they break and leave you high and dry. Two to three people are like the roots: strong, steady, ‘ain’t going nowhere. Hold onto the roots and let the leaves and branches go.”

And more: “This thing you are doing that’s causing a problem, if they try to fix it, good, if not, let them go. If a leaf is trying to grow up, great, if they keep hurting you, let them go.”

MADEA’s wise leaf analogy is about letting go of the toxic people in your life, which is a powerful expression of self-love.

I couldn’t agree more with MADEA’s analogy. When I had begun to heal and change, some people were attracted to and inspired by my new changes while others were repelled by them and seemed to resent my newfound independence and sense of empowerment. It felt like they wanted me to join them in their toxic swamps of jealousy and resentment instead of joining me in my newfound light.

My newly developing sense of self helped me separate from those relationships that were bringing me down in one way or another. They were the leaves and branches in my life. Thanks to continued healing, I learned the valuable lesson and now release toxic people from my life with love.

3. I’ve learned that the message I received, “Be loving and kind to everyone” also includes yourself.

And MADEA certainly agrees! She states that there are two primary places we deserve peace; the grave and in our house. She cautions not to live with dysfunction.

Self-respect is an important component of self-love. Out of respect for yourself, why continue to suffer in an abusive relationship? Keep working to heal your own stuff, so that you can grow healthy emotionally and evolve spiritually. Be careful not to count on others to complete you, especially if they are toxic people.

4. MADEA also advises, “Learn how to be alone.”

Isn’t it better to learn how to be alone instead of putting up with abuse in order to not be alone? Keep enjoying your life, welcome new experiences, keep your faith that there is much more to your life than meets your earthly eyes, be patient and continue your healing journey. The future of your soul is dependent upon your conscious choice to grow and evolve.

Thank you MADEA!   Irene