The Fire that Rewrote My Life
The Million Stages of Grief begins with a fire that changed everything. When Michael Reed lost his wife and two daughters in the 2016 Gatlinburg wildfire, his life was reduced to ashes in an instant. What followed was a journey through darkness, heartbreak, and ultimately, healing. Guided by love, faith, and the belief that pain can lead to healing and purpose, Michael wrote The Million Stages of Grief to help others navigate loss and rediscover meaning. In this moving conversation, he shares how signs, forgiveness, and connection became the anchors that helped him rise out of the darkness. His story is a testament to resilience, the enduring power of love, and the truth that even in the deepest sorrow, we are never truly alone.
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THINGS LIKE:
- Grief is not a linear process with five stages; it’s a complex journey with “million stages.”
- The body remembers trauma and grief, even years later, manifesting in physical and emotional ways.
- Finding purpose in pain can be a powerful catalyst for healing and growth.
- Professional support, such as EMDR therapy, can be immensely helpful in processing trauma.
- Rebuilding after loss involves reshaping one’s landscape and sometimes saying goodbye to old connections that no longer align with who you’ve become.
- Signs from lost loved ones can provide comfort and a sense of continued connection.
- Forgiveness, even for those who caused immense pain, is a crucial step in releasing the weight of anger and preventing oneself from becoming a “monster.”
- It’s possible to experience joy alongside grief; one does not exclude the other.
- Sharing your story and helping others through their grief can be a profound source of healing and purpose.
SOME QUESTIONS IRENE ASKS MICHAEL:
- After tragically losing your wife and both of your daughters in that wildfire, you spent many years in what you called “the darkness” until a doctor gave you a wake-up call. Could you please share that experience?
- Why do you say that the five stages of grief are a false narrative?
- How does grief bring changes to values and beliefs, becoming both a destroyer and a creator?
- You’ve also had professional support. How has it helped you to heal?
- How does loss reshape our social landscape, and often means saying goodbye to certain connections that no longer align with our emotional well-being?
- How have signs from your wife and daughters played a significant role in your life?
- How were you able to write a “forgiveness letter” to the boys who started the fire that killed your wife and daughters?
- Have you always known that you’re an empath?
- How are you able to sense your girls around you?
- How did you discover that to keep your girls with you, you had to rise out of the darkness?
- How is grief not a sign of weakness, but of love?
Grab a copy of Michael’s The Million Stages of Grief at https://amzn.to/3K2Xs48.
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The Fire that Rewrote My Life
A Story of Resilience: Michael Reed’s Journey Through Grief
I hope this message finds each of you so very well. I’m speaking to you from my studio in West Orange, New Jersey. I have an unforgettable story to share with you. On November 28th, 2016, the peaceful hills of East Tennessee were shattered by a wildfire that tore through the Great Smoky Mountains and descended upon the city of Gatlinburg. In mere moments, thousands of homes were reduced to ash, and fourteen lives were lost. Among them were Constance, Chloe, and Lily Reed, the beloved wife and daughters of Michael Reed, who is my guest. Michael and his son were not home when the fires attacked their neighborhood.
In the wake of the tragedy, Michael became a symbol of resilience, grief, and grace. His journey through the darkness led him to write The Million Stages of Grief, his raw and powerful book that does not shy away from pain but instead embraces it as a path towards healing. In The Million Stages of Grief, which has been highly successful on Amazon, Michael offers profound comfort, guidance, and solidarity to those who have lost someone they love, whether twenty years ago or twenty minutes ago. From national headlines to quiet hospital rooms, from blogging in desperation to enrolling in college in honor of his girls, Michael has walked the long road of grief with courage and vulnerability.
Now a junior at Grand Canyon University studying Behavioral Science with a focus on trauma, he is dedicating his life to helping others find light in their own darkness. I’m looking forward to what is going to be an unforgettable and transformative conversation with Michael, who is joining me from Sevierville, Tennessee. We’ll be exploring why he believes the widely accepted five stages of grief is a misleading framework, what it meant for him to endure life and what he calls the darkness, and the powerful journey that led him to write The Million Stages of Grief.
We’ll also talk about the profound role that signs have played in his healing and the extraordinary act of forgiveness he extended to the two teenage boys responsible for starting the fires. Michael invited me to select three chapters from his book. By the way, it’s a wonderful book and really well written. I recommend it. I felt it would resonate deeply with our beloved Grief and Rebirth community. I chose Changes in Values and Beliefs, Professional Support, and Rebuilding, each one offering us new, deep insights and hope. Just before Michael and I begin what will surely be a conversation that is unforgettable, transformative, and deeply human, here’s a fun little nugget for you. Sevierville is the hometown of the legendary Dolly Parton.
Hi, Michael. You can see I do my research. A warm, heartfelt welcome to the Grief and Rebirth show.
The Body Remembers: From Annual Grief to a Wake-Up Call
Thank you so much for having me.
It is my pleasure. We’re going to open with something where you’re going to recount what happened to you. After tragically losing your wife and both of your daughters in those wildfires, you spent many years in what you called the darkness until a doctor gave you a wake-up call. Could you share that experience with us, please?
Every November for nine years, I absolutely crash the whole month. I’ve been through many years of therapy. I’ve tried to prepare myself for the date that’s coming. I failed every year. Ironically, I woke up and realized we’re a month away.
I want to say to you that it’s completely normal because my accident happened in December. I got these messages, which many of the people who tune in to this show know about. Every year on the anniversary of that first message, “Saul has to go. Many lessons will be learned from his death,” I get depressed. I say to myself, “What is going on? Everything is okay. I don’t know.” I remember the body remembers. The body does not forget. I just embrace myself with a lot of self-love and know that I have to weather it and get through it. Your body is remembering. That’s what’s going on. You want to tell us about this darkness? A little piece of it comes back every November. I know.
2023 was a hard year. They say time heals all wounds. That’s a lie. We don’t learn. We never get over our grief. We learn to live with it. It was the middle of November in 2023. I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to the ER. I was hooked up to all the machines.
Were you getting palpitations and all kinds of stuff like that?
My heart was beating out of my chest. I couldn’t get it to stop. After a few hours of lying there, the doctor comes back in. I’ll never forget it. He sat next to me on the bed. He held my hand. He said, “Michael, your heart is fine.” Something clicked into my head. My heart is fine, but it is broken. That was a wake-up call. About a week and a half, or maybe two weeks later, was the anniversary of the fires. I went to the memorial. I always lay roses out. I always buy them a little gift each and set it at the memorial. I just sat there and listened. I started talking to him. I said, “I can’t let this date on a calendar kill me every year. I have to make this date mean something different.” I heard Chloe whisper to me, “Daddy, it’s time to do the work.” I was so scared.
Did you know what she meant by the work?
Yes.
Take your time.
I write about this in the book. For a really long time, I thought I had to stay in that darkness to keep them with me. It was that day that I realized that to keep them with me, I have to rise out of the darkness. I sat there. I said, “How can I ever help anybody else with their pain if I don’t fully understand mine?” Instantly, in my head, I heard, “College.” We’ll talk about signs later, but my youngest daughter, Lily, comes to me as an owl.
Million Stages Of Grief: I thought I had to stay in that darkness to keep them with me. It was that day that I realized to keep them with me, I have to rise out of the darkness.
That’s beautiful.
I went home to start searching for online colleges. One thing that I’ve always believed is that there’s a purpose for our pain. I opened up GCU’s website.
Which GCU?
At Grand Canyon University. When I opened up their website to look, their mission statement is to find your purpose. I said, “That’s it.” I called. I left my information. Maybe five or six hours later, I get a phone call back from an advisor at the school. We start talking. I share with her that this is the anniversary of the fires. We go through the process. I got to send them transcripts and everything. It was later that night that I had to go on to FAFSA, the Federal Administration for Student Financial Aid, just to get my student loans and everything. I’m on their website. I scroll to the bottom. There’s a little icon at the bottom that says, “If you need help, click here.” It was an owl. I knew that’s what they wanted me to do. I dove headfirst into it. College has become a form of therapy for me.
You’re learning so much also because you’re specializing in trauma, right?
Yes.
It’s so enlightening for you. You’re getting so many insights.
Grief is not just losing somebody that we love. Grief can be a divorce. Grief can be a job loss. Grief can be losing a pet. People argue with me all the time about this. I tell everybody, if the only grief you’ve ever experienced is losing a pet when you were a child, we’re connected. Everybody says, “No, your loss is worse than mine.” No, it’s not. This is what I’m trying to get the world to understand. Grief is grief, no matter what the circumstances. It’s the same tears. It’s the same sadness. It’s the same heartbreak. Why can’t I use my hurts to help you with yours? That has been my mission.
Even more important, why can’t you use the way you’ve made it through your hurts to where you are now and what you’re doing to grow and to do this while honoring your girls? That’s such role modeling for people.
What the book does is, hopefully, give people the power to realize that they, too, can take the worst moment of their lives to help somebody else through their grief. It becomes a domino effect. That’s how you change the world.
Million Stages Of Grief: The book’s aim is to empower people to realize they, too, can use their worst moments to help others through grief. It’s a domino effect—that’s how you change the world.
In a way, we’re both doing the same thing because this grew out of the accident with my husband. What you’re doing is growing out of what happened with your daughters and your wife. We’re helping a lot of people.
It’s so strange. You’ll understand this. When I get a random message from somebody I don’t even know that says, “I just read one sentence in your book. My loss was twenty years ago. Finally, after all these years, now it makes sense,” there’s a weight that’s lifted off of me. I can feel my girls holding me.
They’re so proud.
Those are the moments that I live for now.
Turning Pain into Purpose: The Healing Power of Helping Others
Those will collect because I’m a little ahead of you in the process. Saul died many years ago. As I continue to do this, and the show is helping so many people, it chores me up. It enhances my reason for living. It gives me purpose. When you get down to it, it feels wonderful to know that you’re helping people. I wanted to ask you also about when you were writing The Million Stages Of Grief. Do you want to tell us about that process, how you came to that, and some of the insights while writing it that you learned about trauma, including learning to live life knowing that the pain is part of who you now are? How did this help you as you were writing it? How long into the grief did you start writing the book?
Seven years.
Before that, you had a blog, right?
Yes, so probably five more years is when I started the blog. It was a complete circumstance. I was in a dark place. There are so many things that I’ve never published over there. Even in the book, there’s a lot of stuff left out of the book of just moments in time over the years where I’ve been stuck. I had to write it down because I needed a reference so that a year later, I could go back and go, “This is how I felt a year ago. This is where I am today. Is there a difference?” Ninety-nine percent of the time, there was never a difference. I was still in the same place.
For 100 years, we’ve been told there are five stages of grief. The original concept came from people who were terminally ill. It’s completely different when you lose someone. There’s nothing out there that talks about that. One day, I wrote some things down. I just posted it on my Facebook. People wanted to hear more of it. I tweaked it over to a blog. Maybe once a month, I would post where I was and everything. In 2023-2024, I knew I was in the right place as far as my schooling and everything, but something was missing. Just like you, I kept getting what I call tapping. They tap me on the shoulder. Sometimes, those go from taps to pokes. They hit me a little harder.
If you don’t get it the first time, they’re going to come back.
They kept poking me and saying, “There’s still another piece left.” I knew what it was. I was just too scared to take that step.
It is scary. You’re going naked in front of everybody. You’re telling them all your stuff. It is scary.
It had to be that way because we don’t talk about grief. Why?
It is because people are afraid of it for themselves.
Men, especially, don’t talk about grief.
Were you thinking about how men, especially, don’t talk about grief? Was that a big surprise for you as you were learning about trauma?
I understood from a gender perspective that men are macho and hide their feelings. I couldn’t live like that. I had to get this stuff out of my head, or I was going to go insane. With the blog, suddenly, I’m getting messages from people. “I lost my mom three years ago. Can you help me?” I don’t know who you are, but sure, I’ll help you. “I was molested as a child. I’ve never healed from that trauma. Can you help me?” Yes, sure. It has just blossomed. I know in my soul that this is the reason I’m still here, if I can just help one person.
Turning pain into purpose is part of your healing, as it was for me. I really understand that. I’m very curious to ask you about something. How is your son processing this tremendous grief? Has your journey learning about trauma and all also helped him? Because you are open, is he not going the way of most men and bottling it up?
Psychologically, children process grief differently from adults.
Psychologically, children process grief differently from adults. Share on X
How old was he when it happened?
Fifteen. Even though we lost the same people, we lost different people. He lost his mom and his sisters. I lost my wife and my daughters. It’s different. He has been able to process everything. He has told me he has accepted. He has gone through all the phases. He has come to acceptance. He knows they’re with him every second. He is okay.
He got you.
I would be so mad at him in my head. How can you heal, but I can’t? I learned a lot from him as he processed everything. He helped me in more ways than he’ll ever know.
Grief’s Transformation: Reshaping Values and Beliefs
That’s beautiful, Michael. I want to get into the three chapters that you asked me to choose. Just for personal reasons, honestly, I chose these three chapters because they resonated with me and my journey so much. Let’s talk about how grief brings changes to values and beliefs, which totally happened to me. It becomes both a destroyer and a creator. It also offers us growth. Do you want to talk about that, Michael?
We always wanted to get tattoos of each other’s heartbeats. Every month, we would go to the doctor, but we’d put it off. “We’ll do it next month. We’ll get an EKG next month, next month, next month.” They were gone. The first time they ever came to me, I was in a bathtub. I had my hands in my lap. I’m just sitting there catatonic. I felt something shove my hands in the water. I couldn’t lift my arms. I heard Constance say, “Remember.” I’m like, “Remember what?” The last time she went to the doctor before the fires, her blood pressure was high.
Before they prescribed her medication, they did an EKG. I have her heartbeat. That was the moment when I realized, to finally answer your question, God knew this was going to happen. I asked Him one day, “Why didn’t You let me save my wife?” He said, “Son, you did. You held her hand every day until it was time for Me to take it.” I screamed, “F*** you,” with the top of my lungs. I asked God again, “Why didn’t You let me save my girls?”
He said, “Your wife’s biggest fear was being alone. Now, she never has to be.” I screamed “F*** you” again. I lost all my faith. I never abandoned God. I just chose not to listen to Him. I questioned everything I’ve been taught in my life. Trauma shakes us to the core. It literally takes your brain out of your head. It just mangles it up, and then it shoves it back in. You’re expected to make sense of it. You can’t. That’s why I was so raw in writing the book, because everybody goes through that.
Trauma shakes us to the core. It literally takes your brain out of your head. It just mangles it up, and then it shoves it back in. You're expected to make sense of it. You can't. Share on X
Everybody who is grieving has those moments where they don’t know where they are. They don’t know what they’re doing. They don’t have a compass. They don’t know what they’re supposed to do. Nothing makes sense. Eventually, strangely, as you know, one day you wake up, and pieces of it start to make some sense. You’re like, “I’ve had these blinders on forever. What if I open them up a little bit more?” You start to get more pieces of it. Suddenly, here we are talking.
Michael, I have to tell you. This is my interpretation of it. I liken grief to where your life is like a bunch of domino tiles. They’re all arranged. They’re all perfect. All of a sudden, you get this trauma. They’ve all been tossed up in the air. All the pieces of your life that are represented by the domino tiles are in different places. They’re upside down. They’re in different locations. They’ve bounced into other rooms. That’s what it feels like. You’re completely discombobulated.
For the first six months, I swore they were on vacation. They’re coming home soon. I would look up at the mountains and say, “Are you home yet?” I went to where my home was, and it wasn’t there.
Talk about heartbreaking.
I’ve never processed losing our home. I’ve never processed losing our pets. We had two dogs. I’ve never processed losing our pictures on the wall, our dishes, our trinkets, and our memories. I’ve never been able to process any of that in nine years. I’m simply stuck on losing them. I’ll never go past that.
Professional Support: EMDR and the Path to Healing
You say you’re getting help with that in school and everything. Your school is helping. My next question for you is going to be this. You’ve also had professional support. Has all of that helped you? How has it helped you?
I did Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for the first few years. I remember one day walking into my therapist’s office and saying, “Why am I here? We talked about the same stuff every week. I cry every week. I’ll leave here a mess. I’m done.” I stopped. I became a guinea pig. I cannot tell you how many medications I’ve been prescribed for the PTSD, the anxiety, depression, and the nightmares.
You’ve also been in support groups, too, right?
I tried. It was too early. It was too fresh. When I ended up in the hospital in 2023, I also ended up scheduling an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist because I had been in the hospital. She said, ‘We’ve been trying to get you to do this for a couple of years, but will you finally accept EMDR?”
By the way, I’ve also experienced that.
I can’t tell you the moment that it clicked. I can’t pinpoint one specific session where a light bulb went off. All I can say is that EMDR has completely changed me.
It’s desensitization. Whatever it does to change the highly tuned sensitivity to what happened, it helps you process it.
What it basically does is it lets you view your trauma like it’s a movie, so that the emotion is pulled out. I still cry when I tell the story, but it is different from what it was a few years ago. That has been immensely helpful to me to get to where I am.
That’s so important. I’m so happy for you. It’s so important for people reading this to know about that form of help that’s available. That EMDR has led you to rebuilding. You’re reshaping your landscape and changing connections. Talk about that, too. What does that rebuilding look like? I want to talk to you about how, when you’re grieving and rebuilding, it often means that you say goodbye to certain connections that no longer align with where you are emotionally. You’ve changed.
I remember waking up in a hotel. I turned the TV on. I was on CNN. I did not know after the fires how big a story this was across the country. I had no concept. I became the face of the fires, the face of a tragedy. I was tired of it. I don’t want to be the face of the fires. I want to be the face of hope.
Million Stages Of Grief: I became the face of the fires, the face of a tragedy. I was tired of it. I don’t want to be the face of the fires. I want to be the face of hope.
Good for you.
That’s what started my journey. I isolated myself for a very long time because everywhere I went, people knew who I was. I couldn’t handle it. I shoved every friend I had out. I didn’t want to talk to anybody. I didn’t want to see anybody. I would just sit there in the quiet. That’s when the darkness started. It got comfortable. It felt safe. Looking back, would I have done it differently? I don’t know because I wasn’t even functioning.
For most of that, I understand that. Are you through college and things you’re doing, starting to rebuild new relationships and make new connections for yourself?
Yes, it’s amazing.
It is what happened to me.
Once in a while, I’ll meet somebody who says, “I know who you are. You’re an inspiration.” I’m like, “No, I’m not. I’m a broken mess.”
You know what you’re like? In the Japanese tradition, if something breaks, they fill in the breaks with gold. It becomes even more beautiful. In a way, that’s what you’re doing now. As you’re rebuilding, you’re becoming this wonderful role model for people. You’re going to be able to help people with trauma and all. They will trust you because they know you’ve been there.
The Million Stages of Grief
The most eye-opening part for me is that I’ll have people write me who have never told the story about their trauma to anyone, but they somehow trust me enough to tell me.
You make them feel safe, Michael.
That is an overwhelming feeling. I had a hard time at first juggling that. I’ve gotten more used to it the more frequently it happens over the years.
It’s a blessing in a way. It’s a lifeline for you.
It’s a reminder that we’re all connected.
Signs from Beyond: Connecting with Loved Ones in Grief
You’re in Tennessee. I’m in New Jersey. We’re meeting for the first time. We’re finding out we have something in common with what we went through. We’re all connected. It’s all together. We’re getting to the spiritual part. How have signs played a significant role? Tell us about all the signs that you’ve gotten. When you say when you finally see your true reflection without the ripples, you realize that you’ve never been alone in your grief. Could you talk to us a little bit about that, Michael? Tell us some of those signs.
My wife comes to me as a butterfly. She had a butterfly tattoo on her chest. Chloe comes to me as a ladybug. That was her nickname. When we found out we were having a girl, I went to the store and got her first outfit. It was a little ladybug onesie. I spent an hour in there looking for the perfect outfit. This was the outfit. When she was in labor with Chloe, she looked at the ceiling. There was a ladybug on the ceiling. Chloe comes to me as a ladybug. Lily comes to me as an owl. Lily, by far, is the strongest sign that I get. She’s my sass.
Was she the older one? Who was older?
Chloe was twelve. Lily was nine. Chloe is the kindest person I’ve ever known. After the fires, one of her teachers came up to me. I don’t even know how I got to the school. It wasn’t their regular school because at this point, Gatlinburg was closed. Nobody could get in. All the kids from the school were sent to another school. Somehow, I ended up there to get the girls’ stuff from school.
Little heartbreak.
Her teacher came up to me and said, “A couple of months ago, I told the class I was having a bad day. The next day, Chloe came in and gave me this.” She hands me a ladybug stuffed animal that Chloe picked out of her stash, brought it, and gave it to her teacher. That’s all I have left of Chloe. It’s on my bookshelf in my living room.
That’s beautiful.
Lily is my sass. She’s my diva. That little girl could put a hand on her hip like that. One day, we look outside. There’s an owl on the telephone pole staring at the house. I named her Glory. She has a boyfriend that I named Frank because he’s stupid and does not know how to land right. Somehow, every spring, these owls have babies. They land in my yard. I get to watch them grow. I know that’s not my daughter, but that’s my daughter.
That’s your connection to your daughter. She’s with you. She’s right there. How beautiful.
It’s constant. It is 24/7. This is one thing that I hope people are receptive to. We’ve touched on it a little bit already. Those we have lost never leave us. They are always with us. It is we who have to open our eyes wide enough to see them. I promise you they’re there. I’ll go to the dollar store. The first thing I see when I walk in is an owl. I’m like, “Really, Lily?” I hear her giggle. Ladybugs land on me all the time. Butterflies land on my head all the time. I welcome it because it’s the closest I can get now.
Michael, I want to know something else. Have you always known that you’re such an empath from when you were born? You’re a highly sensitive person. That’s a personality trait. There are 20% of the population who are highly sensitive. I’m a bit of that. You’re definitely a high-sensitive empath. What a blessing.
It actually got stronger after the fires. I was on a cruise. We were somewhere in Mexico. We were walking down this long platform. I felt that poking again. I’m standing there. I’m looking around. I see this lady. When I look at her, the poking happens more and more. I’m like, “Constance, what do you want me to tell her?” I heard her say, “She needs to know it wasn’t her fault.” I have no idea who this woman was. I just said, “Ma’am, I need to tell you something.” I passed the message to her. She balked. I said, “I don’t want to know what it means. I just want to make sure you heard the message.” I’ll never forget that.
That’s a blessing.
It happens all the time.
The Power of Forgiveness: Releasing the Weight of Anger
That’s wonderful, Michael. What a blessing. Really, truly. This is so amazing. You actually wrote a letter to those two teenage boys who had been accused of starting the fire. How they live with themselves, that’s another story. You offered them forgiveness. Michael, what would you like to tell us about this amazing forgiveness?
It all came one day when I was looking at my son. He was the same age as the two teenage boys. I imagined these are kids. They didn’t know this was going to happen. They didn’t start that fire with the intention of it destroying half of the city. I’m becoming a monster inside. I was so angry.
Understandably.
I was bitter and pissed off. I looked again at my son. I said, “I cannot be a monster for him and because of him.” It was 6:00 in the morning. I just got up. I started writing. I poured out my heart. In the letter, I told them, “I know you didn’t mean for this to happen. I have to forgive you for me. I have to forgive you so that I don’t turn into this monster that I’m becoming.”
Forgiveness from all the trauma and everything that you’ve learned about is more about letting it go out of your body and letting it stop eating you up alive.
It is a constant weight that just bears on you heavier and heavier. I knew if I didn’t let that go, somehow, I wasn’t going to be around much longer to raise my son. I had no intention of that ever going anywhere past my Facebook. That reached so many people. I don’t even think I ever knew how many people it reached.
It went viral.
Franklin Graham posted it on Christmas Eve that year. Nobody ever heard from me again until now.
Here you’re out with the most beautiful book. As I said, I learned a lot from it. It’s written so well. Let’s talk about what you’ve learned about the importance of healing and the purpose of our pain.
Healing and Purpose: Finding Joy Amidst Grief
There’s an old saying, “God will not give you too much to handle.”
God doesn’t give you anything that you can’t handle?
Yes. I don’t think anything can prepare you for grief, for trauma, or for loss.
In a way, rising out of the darkness through healing has helped you connect even more with your daughters, correct?
Absolutely. I’m getting there. I wake up every day. I want to do one thing with my day. That is to make my girls proud of me somehow every day. It doesn’t have to be anything huge. It can be just giving somebody a hug that needs a hug, and I know they need a hug. Just something little and something simple. I have to do something every day for them.
That’s wonderful, Michael.
That’s when I started to realize I have to smile because when I think of them, I’m smiling. I have to find joy again. When I close my eyes and remember holding them when they were babies, I was the luckiest man in the world at that moment. I’m still a dad. I’m still their daddy. Twelve years and nine years are not enough, but every moment of those twelve and nine years is special. I have to carry those moments and hold on to them as tight as I can.
This is bringing up the story of mine. I don’t usually do this in interviews, but we have a lot in common here. I remember dating my husband and saying to myself, “If I have five minutes, five years, ten years, or 100 years with him, whatever I have with him, I’m blessed.” That’s exactly what you’re saying about your daughters. You had them for twelve years and nine years. Each one of those years was a blessing. At least you had them, like at least I had him. At least you had this love in your life. So many people live without it.
The second I met Constance, she was my neighbor. I never knew it until one night she just knocked on my door. She needed to borrow the phone. The second I opened the door, I knew she was the one. I didn’t even know her name. In my head, I’m like, “There she is.” I didn’t say anything because it’s creepy. “Hi, you can come in. Will you marry me?” We found out later that she went home that same night and knew it, too. Every moment that I shared with her will live in me forever.
It was a gift. It’s a blessing. Michael, I feel the same way. I’m so fortunate that way that I had this man in my life. That’s how I feel. You are able to experience joy in addition to the grief. You have them both going on, which is what I tell people all the time. One does not exclude the other.
Yes, very much so. You can grieve, or you can be in grieving and still live. In spaces like this, where people can be vulnerable and open, can hear other people’s stories, and can resonate with their stories, what you do is so important. I wish I had you in my life years ago. Keep doing what you’re doing because you’ve changed my life today.
As we wrap up this unbelievably moving conversation, I’d like to leave our audience with two profound reflections from your wisdom-rich book, The Million Stages of Grief. “Grief often arrives like a force that dismantles what we hold dear, scattering our beliefs and leaving us uncertain of where to stand. As we slowly gather the fragments and begin to rebuild, we may discover a new worldview. One that, while different, resonates more deeply with our lived experience. In that reshaping, we often find a purpose that feels more authentic and more compassionate than before.”
Here’s another one of your quotes that really touched me. “Though we would never have chosen the loss that sparked this transformation, we can choose to honor its lessons, carrying forward a more honest and heartfelt understanding of what it means to live and to love in an ever-changing world.” Michael, I want to thank you from my heart for this illuminating dialogue on grief and for reminding us that no matter where we are on our grief journey, we are never truly alone. Many blessings to you.
To you as well. Thank you so much.
As I like to say, to be continued.
Guest’s Links:
- Connect with Michael Reed on his website
- Connect with Michael Reed on TikTok
- Connect with Michael Reed on Instagram
- The Million Stages of Grief
- The Million Stages of Grief on Amazon
About Michael Reed
On November 28, 2016, I lost my wife and both of my daughters in the wildfire that consumed Gatlinburg, Tennessee. As I have stumbled and crawled down this unstable, broken road of grief, I have learned many lessons along the way.
I have learned that trauma, pain, loss, and grief are universal, almost like a mutually understood, unspoken language. Regardless of who you lost, whether it be a parent, friend, spouse, child, grandparent, mentor, or even a beloved pet, the feelings associated with losing someone you love can change your life forever.
Whether you lost someone 20 years ago or 20 minutes ago, these shared feelings of hurt, sorrow, and emptiness can ultimately have the ability to help us heal. There is a purpose for our pain, and I believe my purpose is to share my story and my experiences to help other people going through similar loss, trauma, or grief. No matter where you are on your journey, I promise you are never alone.
