This is a riveting episode! You will hear Kristi talk about her new book COMING HOME: A LOVE STORY.
The book details the spiritual awakening that led to Kristi’s own personal healing transformation, inspiring her to work as an Intuitive Healer and Spiritual Teacher.
In This Episode, You’ll Hear About Things Like:
- The difference between the ego and the soul.
- The masks we wear and how we can become authentic.
- How a human being can rise to a more awakened consciousness from bad, toxic, and negative experiences.
- Why life is our biggest educator and how it teaches us to love.
Some Questions Irene Asks Kristi:
- How did rejecting shame lead to a new you?
- How can a person renovate his or her inner dialogue to transform the understanding of who they are?
- What is a conscious lifestyle and how does a person raise children consciously?
Shop the Book COMING HOME: A LOVE STORY on Amazon
Listen to the podcast here
Kristi Peck – Author, Intuitive Healer And Spiritual Teacher
It’s been a snowy and rainy week here in New Jersey, but hopefully, it’s been much nicer in St. Louis, Missouri, where Kristi Peck, our very uplifting and inspiring guest is from. Kristi is the author of Coming Home: A Love Story. It is Kristi’s first book in a series of three about her own personal healing transformation, which led her to work as an intuitive healer and spiritual teacher. I especially resonated with what Kristi teaches in her book about living a conscious lifestyle. Kristi, a warm welcome to the show. I know this is going to be a riveting conversation between us. Please share with our audience what inspired you to write Coming Home: A Love Story.
Thank you, Irene. Hi, everybody. It’s so wonderful to be here. I never thought of myself as a writer per se. I had walked away from a career that I had for 25 years. I was looking for something to fill the void. I recognized that the void had been there for a while. I was looking for something and I started paying attention to how things kept getting linked together. I would hear the same thing over and over. I can remember from when my first son was born, even before that, being at social functions and telling stories, and people would say, “You’re such a good storyteller.” I would be working with teachers and giving training, and teachers would say, “Have you ever thought about writing a book? You should do this.” Those stories kept coming.
When I walked away and literally found myself in that moment of sitting on the couch that day crying and thinking, “What am I doing here? How did I get here?” I started to pay attention to the little things showing up. One day, I was at an event. It was my first time at this event. I decided that morning to show up so I show up. The lady even said to me, “We don’t talk about parenting” because that was the thing that I thought I was all about. I said, “That’s okay. I am going to come anyway.” I sat there and the topic that day was parenting.
Like she said, it never is about parenting, but it was that day. I met a woman, and that woman, we started talking about her situation. She was going through some stuff with her teenage kids. All of a sudden, we started talking on the phone. Next thing I know, I am in a weird odd moment meeting her in a store that we don’t even shop at together. She was a writer for the local newspaper. She wants to write this article on me and all the advice I kept giving her. She kept saying, “You have books in you.” I’m like, “What are you talking about? I’m just talking. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” I had shunned the idea of writing a book. I said, “Do you see the bookstores? They’re filled with books. No one needs another book.”
I remember she invited me to a launch. I’m sitting there, and the next thing I know, I signed a contract to write this book and self-publish it. I even remember telling my husband, “I think I’m supposed to write this book.” He was like, “Okay.” I started writing the book. The book that came out, this one, is not what I intended. I had this whole other vision. I even went and talked to the self-publishing people about that vision. The next thing I know, I’m writing and these stories and words are coming. Twice I had to shut it down. I put it in a folder and put it away because it scared me that what was coming out was so profound and I didn’t know what to do with it. Their advice was great. Keep getting it out.
I had to do a lot of surrendering, walks in the world, and praying. I had a prayer that I finally started saying because I knew at one point, this was way bigger than what I had envisioned. My prayer was, “God, help me get the words on the paper to write Coming Home.” I always knew the book was going to be called Coming Home. I didn’t know anything else about it. I said, “Help me get the words on the paper. Help it heal me and everyone else. I’ll do your work.” I surrendered to it. I can remember writing with Kleenex piles everywhere because the more I would write, the more I would cry. I kept thinking, “Wow.”
I was struggling to end the book and again, a synchronistic moment where this man showed up and gave me the language. I knew that my cousin was there with me because the wording was so perfect. It sent me right to the laptop and I wrote the ending. I was even blown away when I got to the ending. I was like, “That’s how we’re ending that. Wow. It was such a profound healing.”
Your book is so well-written and I enjoyed it so much. It’s wonderful and full of insights. I recommend it to everyone who’s going to be tuning in to our interview. What do you refer to as home? When you say coming home, is that coming home to who you are? How do you see home?
In the beginning, I kept saying to people, “I think I’m going to write this book.” They’d say, “Really? What’s the title?” I’d say, “Coming Home. It’s like coming back to yourself. Coming to who you are. You only can find your life by tuning into that part of you.” At the time I would say that, I didn’t even know who I was. I was in turmoil like a tornado where I could feel all different kinds of things coming in. Some were not so pretty. Some were downright nasty things I felt. When we think of homes, we think of these safe places where we can all be together. There’s joy, laughter, fun, peacefulness, and calmness. We decorate it pretty, which means it feels good to be there.
I knew that a part of coming home was tuning into who you are and that you have to find strength in that. At that time, I don’t think I even realized it was ego and soul or any of that other stuff that came out as I was writing. It was just that I understood that there was this euphoria that happens when you tune into that sacredness within yourself. That’s where it started.
You like I went from being a skeptic to a highly spiritual person because we each had a profound spiritual awakening. How did that transformation happen for you?
It’s pretty interesting because someone said to me, “You’re so spiritual right now.” The funniest thing is I’ve always been that, but I hid that from so many people. I went to Catholic grade school. I grew up Catholic. Going to church and doing all that church stuff was always a part of it. When I got to college, I started understanding there’s a relationship here that should happen. It’s not so much about going to church, it’s more about what’s this relationship happening here. God was always this big entity. To be honest, growing up Catholic, I was a little scared of that kind of thinking. It wasn’t until I got to college.
In the book, I talk a lot about the events that happened right before I left for college. I was showing up to college very broken, very torn apart, not knowing anything about who I was, and feeling like my whole life was shattered. It was learning that relationship and starting to tune in when things would happen, the bad moments or the icky moments would happen. It was starting to tune in a little bit, and then things would happen in my life and I’d start to pray a little bit more. The more I would pray, the more I would feel better about things and feel that sense of, “I understood that. When I talk this way to whoever this God is, there’s this calm feeling or a peaceful feeling that comes over me.”
I started to see that little synchronicity, so I do that more. It was when I became a mom. The whole thing of mom thing freaked me out because when I had my first son, it triggered that feeling I had from my own experience with my own father and my upbringing. I prayed a lot. I kept praying and offering things up. I kept saying, “I don’t know what I’m doing here, but you’re going to need to help me right here. This is a little overwhelming.” As things kept happening, I kept getting closer. Literally, I understood the whole idea of spirituality. It was when I sat there that day and heard, “You need to walk away from your career.” I thought, “What? This is who I am. How are you asking me to walk away from who I am? What are you talking about?”
There was this inner battle that went on. The next thing I knew, I was starting to unfold these opportunities where I was hearing about God being more like the universe and things bigger, higher consciousness, and all this language that kept coming in. I would sit with it and keep opening it. The more I opened to it, the more I started resonating and tuning into who I was. It was this combination of getting stronger in who I was, and then learning that surrender had the answers for what I needed at that time. There was this part of me being human and part of me being this soul that needed this higher power and this bigger conscious feeling that had to be a part of everything. I surrendered to it and said, “I give it up to you.” It makes me more happy and joyful. It’s a lot of fun.
You meet amazing and positive people who are working through their stuff.
Yes. Own your s*** is my little phrase.
Right, and get rid of that. Why do you have to suffer and sit in your swamp?
We all have it. We all got crappy things. That’s our mantra in our house. Own your crap and let’s move on.
How did you get that message? I got a message also as you know that came into my head after the accident. It said, “You have to move on.” Was it a voice? Was it a strong thought in a meditation? How did that appear to you?
It’s come a lot of different ways, honestly. There are a couple of things that stand out, so I’ll go through those. The first one was I prided myself on being this spectacular mom. Not that I thought I was perfect by any means because I always joke that I’m going to be up for the failure of the year award because I have more failures than successes. I always felt I was grounded in seeing my kids for who they were and working through my own stuff and separating it out. My older son was in middle school and those middle school years are awful for our teenagers and for us as parents. I write about this experience in the book where I’m literally torn.
I would show up to functions crying. People to this day will say, “I remember you back then. You were so sad.” I was. I was like, “What is going on? My family is breaking apart.” My husband was angry at that time because my older son was in this awful spot. I had four kids and they were all it. It was tough. I loved my walks out in nature. I take these walks and put music in. It would take me away into another place. I’m literally on this walk and I stumble upon something on the ground, and it was in the shape of a heart.
That moment was like, “Something just happened to me.” I get that here I am and here’s this moment. I believed it in my heart and then I started seeing them more. I would be walking in Chicago with my kids and I’d look down at the ground and I’d see a gum wrapper folded up in the shape of a heart. I was in New York City with my second son on a trip. We were walking in this tunnel, I looked over, and on the wall was this heart that was painted. I kept finding them.
One time, I was sitting at the pool and I was mad at all four of my kids. They were all icky at that time like we all are. I looked up and the cloud was in the shape of a heart. I went, “You’re telling me something here. You’re definitely telling me something that I’ve got to figure out what this means.” There have been other moments when I heard a voice. You and I have talked about this. The voice seemed loving. It seemed kind and it was talking in my ear that no one else would do.
The voice said, “We’re going to do this differently.” I knew that it meant I couldn’t do it like society wanted me to do. I have to live this differently. I have to live a surrendered life, which is what consciousness is all about. It’s letting it go and watching all those synchronicities. It’s coming in a variety of ways. Sometimes it’s messages. I pay attention to what the words are and how often. If I read an article that has this language and I get the chills when I read it and all of a sudden, I meet someone in the grocery store and they say the same language, I go, “I’ve heard that twice now. That’s got to mean something.” I look for those synchronicities. Even when I’m not looking for them, there’s a part of me that’s always paying attention to that. I do that a lot.
A lot of people sleepwalk through their lives and they don’t realize that they’re getting guided. They’re listening to voices around them. They’re not listening to the voice coming within them.
By no means, I think that I’m like this special thing.
I think we all can get it.
It is there for anybody who wants to live a different life and a more peaceful existence.
I know a lot of people tuning in to this are already relating to what we’re talking about. A lot of people will want to know how you learned about shame because a lot of people walk around with shame. Those of us who have abusive parents teach us different things that bring us shame. How did you reject it and how did it lead to a new you? This is an important subject for people.
It is. Shame is hard to even talk about. I have my Kleenex here because even when I still talk about it now, it still triggers that part of me that remembers all of these little events in my life. A lot of it was I grew up in a very Catholic stout family so there were a lot of doctrines you had to live up to. A lot of those expectations and pressure put on you to look a certain way, be a certain way, and act out in that way. There was always that and that’s the way I grew up.
By no means, I love my parents and the way I was brought up. I love all of it because it got me to where I am now. I appreciate all of that. I don’t want any audience thinking, “This is about dogging or talking bad or negative.” No, it’s not about that. It’s not a right or wrong here. It is what it is. This is how we take these experiences and help us to become who we’re meant to be. I grew up like that. For me, it was a different experience. I talked about one of them in the book where I was at vacation Bible school. I pulled my little tank top up and my mom came flying out like, “We don’t do that.” That little snippet of a moment made me start to go, “My body is not good enough. There’s something not good here. I need to hide my body.” That was part of it.
The other part of it was this. I wrote about the story of my dad in the book. That is the day before Thanksgiving of my senior year. I was seventeen at that time. He and my mom had not been getting along for a very long time, but the day before Thanksgiving, they pulled us into the kitchen and let us know that he was not going to be around the house anymore. He was leaving. Again, this is a South Catholic family. We’re this perfect image. We had people and friends come over and they loved having our family dinners. We had all this and we went to church every Sunday. We looked like the family.
As we were all devastated and shocked, he pulled me aside and pretty much was virtually brutally honest. His words were, “I don’t want this anymore.” There was something that died that day, honestly. It left me. There was this huge shame. I was embarrassed. I remember walking up to my bed, laying on my bed, and realizing my life was over. It’s never going to be this again. This is done. Also, I was embarrassed because we were this family and everyone came to us as the family. Now we’re not this anymore. Shame can be built upon even not knowing what we’re going to do. How are we going to do this?
My mom wasn’t working full-time. We have this big house. He is the moneymaker. He’s going to leave. What are we going to do? I’m in my senior year. How am I going to do it? I have all these questions. Since I don’t know, my whole point was that no one was talking to us through all this, so all you had were your own thoughts and your own feelings. I’m a seventeen-year-old teenager who’s self-absorbed and I started being embarrassed. It starts with being embarrassed, and then it starts with, “We’re not good enough.” That self-pity goes from there. If I had sat with those feelings and then maybe the next morning, someone had come in and said, “It’s not you. It’s not about you. This is about your dad,” it would’ve been okay. No one did. We didn’t talk in my family.
We still hardly talk about the divorce, what went on, and the pain of all of that. It wasn’t a good divorce. It wasn’t a good separation. He didn’t come around. He didn’t want us. He still doesn’t. None of us have relationships with him. Some have tried. We’ve all tried in our own ways. Again, you have to accept some things and allow them to be as these are ways to move you forward and find your joy through some of that. The fact that no one talked to us, I was left with a seventeen-year-old’s thinking, feeling, and emotions. I’ve come to realize I’m so highly empathic that I was forced to do that.
You probably took in the pain of everyone around you too.
I took in the pain my mother was feeling. I took in the pain my father was feeling. I took in the pain my brothers were feeling. I sat with that for so long that it started to create the stories. The inner dialogue started and it all went down, “You’re not good enough because he didn’t want to stay. You’re not even worthy of him staying. You’re scared to death. You’re filled with guilt, shame, and embarrassment.” It went into years of that, so the stories grew. The chapter to that became a book of its own and I would talk it. I would talk the same talk on and on.
When I finally stopped and looked back on it, I could see the synchronicities of all the other events that led and kept happening based upon me not feeling good enough. There’s a shame in not feeling that you are loved, lovable, and liked for who you are. Your parents are your first teachers. If that’s your first lesson, it’s a struggle to change that dialogue.
I actually heard a guy once who was going through a divorce saying, “Now I’m damaged goods.” Instead of saying, “What’s happened to me is this other person’s issues that were displaced onto me and I’m still okay. Maybe these are lessons to figure out.” That’s the shame. They right away take it that it had something to do with them.
It’s taken me a long time to realize that all of that was just projected onto me. Getting to know you and coming home is that life lesson of finally awakening to who you are. Not the projection of all the other past experiences that were placed on you and because no one talks things out with you. I think now in society, we’re more talkers and communicators. We understand the importance and influence that communication has on families. Back then, that wasn’t the precedent.
It was all the facade. We’ll get to that because you talk about masks and what the masks people put on. I would love you to explain to people the difference between the ego and the soul because a lot of people don’t know the difference between them. In your book, you talk about how we allow the cooperation of the ego together with the soul. Can you share that wonderful example from your own life with your kids about how you exercise that concept?
Being that I’m highly empathic, I always remember feeling my way through everything in life. Yet it didn’t occur to me until I started to sit with all of this and what this means. I started to realize we are two parts. We are this inside person, like the inner self you might hear someone say or you might hear people talk about the self with a capital S or the soul per se. That’s your perfection. That’s your perfect essence. That’s the one God created. Any of that thing, that’s the energy of being pure love. It’s only that. It will never be anything else. Any emotion or feeling related to love in that way. Joy, peace, calm, positivity, or any of that is that inner part of you and that can never change.
No matter whether my dad leaving, my mom is not happy with something, I lose my job, my husband leaves, or my kids act up, that doesn’t change. That inner part of who you are does not ever change. It is always there. However, there’s an outer part of you. That’s that physical human part of you. It took me a long time to realize that that was my ego. It wasn’t until I started delving into a course of miracles and reading about true surrender and understanding what all that was. I was living all this without having a deep understanding of it.
When I put the two together, what I started realizing was, there are these two parts of me. I am a spiritual person where everything is perfect, blue skies, green lawns, birds singing, and everything works out. I’m also this physical human, which is the ego voice. What I realized was all along I had been living in this ego, but when I finally started to awaken and realized this soulful part of me, which is coming home, I couldn’t be mad at that ego. In essence, I was taught that the ego is a bad thing. I don’t believe it is. I believe that the ego safeguarded me.
That day when I lay on my bed in devastation because my dad walked out on us, that ego said, “I will take care of you and this is how we will do it. We will put a barrier around you. We will put masks on you. We will safeguard you and harden you up a little so that you can live this life.” I believe that part of an awakening is learning to balance the two. It’s literally allowing the soul and the ego to start to communicate together.
When I notice sometimes that I’m an ego, I do get that way. I had an event with one of my kids. I could feel my body. I could feel the physical part of me starting that and that self-talk going, “You’re in way over your head. You’re going to be embarrassed again. He’s going to totally do this and embarrass you.” I could feel the fear. I said to my husband, “I’m in this ego thing, so you need to handle this because I need to go transfer this.” Now I say, “I understand what you’re doing. I love you and I appreciate what you’re doing here to take care of me, but I got this. We’re going to work this together.” I honor the two. It’s letting the dark side and the light side work together because honestly, that’s the real conscious joy of life. It’s the blending of two parts.
That’s truly being conscious.
Yeah, absolutely. I do a lot of that with my kids. I recognize when they’re doing things that trigger me, I pay attention to that trigger. It’s if my stomach starts hurting, my back starts hurting, I get a headache, or I watch the language. I have a thirteen-year-old daughter. She and I were doing that battle. I could hear myself that I was in the human part of me. I knew it. Luckily, I’ve raised my kids conscious enough that she’ll notice it too. She’ll be like, “Mom, I’m not doing this with you right now.” I’ll be like, “Okay, you’re right.” I back off and let it all go because I recognize that I’m in that moment and I’ve got to get back centered again and get back home.
A one-liner, please, because many people tuning in don’t know what A Course in Miracles is and you’ve referenced it. Briefly, could you tell them what that’s about?
A Course in Miracles is a metaphysical text. It’s very thick. It’s supposedly the conversation of Jesus. It’s the teachings of Jesus. A lot of people will recognize it as maybe close to some of their religious doctrine because it talks a lot about the ego, the soul, love, what fear is, and all of that.
Was it channeled?
I believe it was channeled. Look it up, A Course In Miracles. Look up Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love. That will also give you some insights into a lot of this as well.
Another wonderful thing that you say in your book that’s going to help so many people, Kristi says, “Feeling unworthy and not good enough is a death grip on our soul.” I agree. Can you talk about that? How do people change that, Kristi?
When you live with that unworthiness, you project out unworthiness onto everything. People also feel and resonate with unworthiness. You’re drawing in situations, whether it’s a job, a community event, money, or any of those things. The way your physical body looks, you’re drawing in anything that resonates with unworthiness. If you have children, you’re raising them with an underlying subconscious feeling and emotion of unworthiness. You’re projecting it onto them. Everything that comes out of your mouth is about the underpinning of unworthiness. It becomes a death grip because you can’t be who you are and be unworthy at the same time. They don’t coexist.
You see how people gravitate together like that. If they don’t feel good about themselves and they’re always saying negative things and all of that, it’s like a magnet.
Exactly. When you operate solely in that ego, you are not growing and thriving. You’re just basically surviving. Living life should be all about growing and changing. We should not be the same people we were two minutes ago. The way our species has developed from the beginning of time, we are an ever-evolving species. We are either growing or we are not living.
I believe a lot of us out there because I was at that point where I was going through the motions because I was so in that ego space and safeguarding all the hurt. I didn’t want hurt and pain to come to me or anyone else. I lived that tightly wound, almost like in the bud of a flower before it opened. You’re so tightly wound in that. When you are like that, you’re not growing, evolving, or even changing to anything. You’re just stuck.
You’re stuck in your pain.
You’re living your pain stories. If we stop to pay attention to that, our pain stories are there throughout. When I stopped to look back, I’ve been living that pain story in jobs, early on with my kids, in relationships, in friendships, and in school and community-related. I was living that pain of unworthiness. It wasn’t until I stopped. Believe me, there are still triggers that happen every day.
Of course, you’re human like everyone else.
It’s becoming aware that there’s more to you than just the physical part of you.
Would you say the way people change this is to work with people to try to remove the block issues that are in them or try to change the way they’re thinking about different things? If a person is living in that unworthiness, they’re not exercising self-love. They’re living in that feeling of unworthiness. What kind of steps would you say? One step could be reading your book, working with you if they want, or working with other people. Would you say that is a way?
There are a lot of ways to work through it. First of all, it’s about finally saying yes and I don’t want to do this anymore. You finally have to understand that you are in a spot that’s painful and you have to honor that pain. You have to say, “Yes, I am living in some pain. I’ve been hiding it for so long.” The first way to change it is to first admit it. Own that part of you that there’s some pain there. Ways to get out of it, certainly you can read my book. There are lots of books out there to read. There are lots that offer you tools to do it. There are some people who can do it on their own.
I certainly didn’t do this on my own. I kept finding people who could help unlock places for these moments for me that could help unfold things for me. I have an amazing support system, so it’s like they’re all my counselors. I talk to them all the time. The day before Thanksgiving was always a trigger because I remembered that pain. When we got to those moments, I would be crabby and irritable. I’m not talking about calling a friend on the phone and going, “I’m so sad,” and the friend saying, “Yeah, it sucks.” That’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about someone who can help to open you up, which means sitting with you. Sometimes working with someone else is the best solution. I know when I work with clients and those who come to me for that help, one of the things I’m good at is holding that sacredness for that person. It’s almost like I’m cradling them so that they can go back into that painful moment and relive it. The reason why we have to relive it is what I had to do for every experience I wrote about in the book. You have to relive it. What happened when you experienced it is you had a feeling that came up because that’s the human part of you to respond to an event or a person.
What happened was you couldn’t work through that feeling and let it work through your body. Instead, you distract it because that’s what our ego does. By distracting it, it then stuck within you. That feeling became an emotion within your subconscious and a story was created. When that story was created, you’ve spent the entire rest of your life adding to that story. Part of what we have to do in the healing process is go back into those moments and relive that pain so that we can identify the feeling and let it work through us, and then we rewrite the story. In rewriting the story, we’re healing. It’s a transformation that takes place. It’s almost as if I walk up to you and I grab this part of you out of you and we let it go.
Personally, with a lot of the things that I’ve been through and I talk about it in my book, I got a lot of help from some healers. I needed some help. I needed someone to help me to see beyond my pain and help me out of myself to move on. It takes a lot of courage.
It does. I had a client show up a while back. Typically, clients come with what they think is the current situation, the current challenge, and the current struggle. We’re working through this. I’m having trouble and we worked back through. I can remember the moment. I have a highly intuitive sense of the healing process. Not only am I able to energetically go in and manipulate that with you and help you to see it from a different perspective, but I have a highly intuitive sense. I use some of my mediumship works, and I literally was sitting across from her and we were talking.
All of a sudden, I had a vision that came and I said, “Wait a minute.” Literally, we talked through and I said, “You were raped.” She had blocked that out. That vision was given to me and that intuitive sense. It was a moment that I will never forget because of the look on her face, she had hidden that from herself and her body was reacting, so we had to go back through and relive that for a moment and work forward.
That’s happened to me in my life too. Sometimes you need someone outside of yourself to see the root of the pain that you’ve blocked out yourself.
A couple of things when I’m working with clients that help is when we talk about looking backwards. We’re talking about taking a reflective look. There are ways that you can take a reflective look. Certainly, we all hear about doing the mirror work. You can look in the mirror and say, “What am I doing?” and talk to yourself in that way. That’s great. We all do it. I highly recommend it. You can do that every day on your own. Sometimes what’s needed is to do what I call the balcony view. If you think about climbing up a ladder on the top of your house looking down and saying, “Let me look at my life. What’s working and what’s not?” Identifying that and that is hard to do.
It is hard to do.
That’s not working anymore. It used to work, but it’s not anymore. How do you know it’s not working? You don’t feel good. You don’t feel fabulous. You feel lulled and defeated, and someone zapped your energy out. You get a cough, headache, or stomach ache. You start realizing you’re doing these little movements with your fingers or your toes because you’re antsy. It gives you an icky feeling. That’s how you know something is not working.
This is so important for people. You talk in your book about the masks we wear. What leads us to wear these masks? I know you talk about a couple of different kinds of masks. How do we become authentic instead of needing masks that are more negative and hide our essence?
I believe that there’s a time for masks. Let’s say, “I am who I am. I’m not going to change. This is who I am. I am a mom.” It’s a role that I play or a mask that I wear. It’s like they’re interchangeable. If I have to go into the school and work with some other adults, I might put a mask on. I might put on a mask so I can downplay who I am and fit in. I recognize it in that moment. I’m fitting in for a purpose for a very specific amount of time, and then I’m going to leave. I’m going to come back and center back into who I am.
I do this a lot because I’m an educator. When I go to parent-teacher conferences for my kids, I am not going to downplay the honor and respect I have for the other educators sitting across from me. I put a mask on and I act like I don’t know anything about education. I act like I don’t know how to teach kids well. I listen to them and respect everything they say and we work with that. That’s a mask. We have to put those on every once in a while.
The other kind of mask that we wear that is very detrimental is when we put on these masks by way of clothes that we wear to fit in, actions that we do to fit in, and behaviors that we take part in to fit in. That is, “I don’t know who I am and I’m not even sure I’m paying attention to anything. I’m just wanting to fit in.” I don’t judge that because I did that. I bought clothes and tried to fit in. I tried to fit in with groups. I talk their talk.
Here’s an example. I was with a group that was all about eating organic and healthy. You couldn’t have gluten, this and this. I went to that world, but there was something that didn’t feel right all the time. I’m like, “Every once in a while, I want to go have ice cream with my kids. I want a good cocktail or a good glass of wine.” I don’t want to be like, “No drinking, no this.”
That was a mask I was putting on to fit into that world and trying hard. I then would come home and it didn’t work here. I started to realize, “This is not me. I need to be me.” That is I’m going to eat healthily for me. It’s realizing and paying attention to who you are, and then honoring those particular moments. Sometimes we wear a mask and sometimes we don’t, but the detrimental ones are the ones that cause us to not belong to ourselves.
Would you say those masks that cause us to not belong to ourselves are giving too much power to others instead of listening to our own authentic voices of who we are?
I think it’s giving too much power to the expectation of who we need to be or should be, instead of giving power to who we are.
You also teach that life is our greatest educator and it teaches us each to love. How do you define love? Please explain this concept.
There’s a quote in A Course in Miracles. First of all, I’ve always thought that I was a teacher. I can remember being little and creating worksheets. I was a teacher and you are the students. I put little worksheets on the floor in my bedroom and pretended I had students. It was part of me. I think that we all are teachers, in a way, if we’re willing to accept our roles. Parents are teachers. Friends are teachers. When you meet somebody, someone is the teacher and someone is the student. You are either one or the other. I love using that. It also comes from A Course in Miracles.
Another quote that has always helped me was one that says this, “The holiest of all places on earth is where an ancient hatred becomes a present love.” What I mean by that is your life is your classroom. Everything about your life is your classroom. When you are driving and someone cuts you off, that is a lesson. What’s the lesson? What do I have to learn from that? When you have children and they are teaching you things or they are doing things and it’s triggering fear in you, that is a classroom. It is a lesson. When you get married, your marriage, your household, and your neighborhood, that is a classroom. There are lessons there.
Your entire life is about, what are you learning? Again, that’s the ever-evolving part of our human species. When you awaken to that, which is nothing more than paying attention, is when you start to pay attention. Anytime I am interacting with a movie, a person, or an experience, I am literally thinking, “Am I the student or am I the teacher? Am I learning or am I teaching someone else something?” You start paying attention to that and you’re like, “I totally got something from this person.” Sometimes I’m giving something.
A while back, there was an experience I remember. I had done something. Someone was sick in our community and I sent them a card, wrote a little blurb, and put in an iTunes gift card. Months later, I’m at the grocery store and I’m talking to the guy in the grocery store. He was telling me about his friend that’s sick and he doesn’t know what to do. I said, “I sent a card with an iTunes gift card.” This was years ago when we used iTunes. “I give some songs that mean something to me, and I write a little note.” He was like, “That’s a great idea.” I leave, I come back a few weeks later, and he grabs me. “Do you remember when you gave me that idea?” I didn’t, so I had to go, “Yeah, sure, I do.” He was like, “That was so meaningful.”
That’s what I meant by in that moment, I was the teacher and he was the student. There are other times when I’m talking to my daughter and she wanted to watch this show on TV that we didn’t let the older boys watch. I said, “Tell me why you want to watch it.” We’re talking and I said, “What about this?” She says, “That’s your issue, not mine.” I’m the student and she’s the teacher. It’s paying attention to which one are you at any given moment. I watch a movie and the two characters in the movie are having this profound conversation. I’m getting this little alert feeling, “I’m a student and the movie is the teacher.” You’re either one or the other.
Sometimes you’re seeing something and you’re learning from it. This is what I don’t want to do and it’s teaching you about that. Here’s another question for you. How does a person renovate his or her inner dialogue to transform their understanding of who they are? That’s hard. We’re talking about the messages from shame, the inauthentic masks, and all of that. Now you say, “I could do a little changing,” but that’s so difficult. How do you recommend a person do that?
The first thing is the whole transformation process is challenging. I don’t want anyone to think that you decide, and then the next day you’re this great. There’s a lot of hard work that goes on. Currently, I’m working on the second part of the first book. I believe it’s a series. I’m working on the part of the book that literally is living the sacredness. Now I know who I am. I’ve awakened to that knowing who I am and now I have to live it every day. That’s where you get into the meat of and the essence of renovating your inner dialogue. It takes work every minute of every day. It’s paying attention to the triggers, so what triggers me?
I had a moment where I realized competition was always a trigger and being jealous. I started to sit with it and go, “Why?” I talk to it like I was talking to my ego, “Why are you jealous of things? Why are you always in this competition and you feel like you’ve got to be better than someone?” Literally, what I got out of it, which is re-talking myself through it was, “You were competitive because you had to compete for attention. You don’t have to do that anymore.” Now it’s almost like taking a piece of paper and rewriting. You are safe. You do not have to compete for attention. You are perfect as you are. You are fun, humorous, loving, and kind. it’s retraining that part.
One is recognizing the triggers and honoring those. I’m not judging them. I’m just saying that is a trigger. This is the way it is. Rewriting that language out, and then it’s practicing that language and paying attention to those moments. Am I doing this? I use this example with my clients when they experience a moment where they hear themselves talking through shame, guilt, or negativity.
One moment I woke up and I was having an experience where I couldn’t find anything to wear. My closet is filled with clothes, but don’t like anything. I’m trying things on. I’m throwing them off. I’m like, “This is terrible.” Since I can’t find the right outfit, I go to, “You’re so fat and ugly. Nothing works for you. You don’t even look good in this stuff. No one is going to like you.” I then realize what I’m doing and I go, “Stop.” I tell myself to stop. I pretend there’s a whiteboard and all that ick I said is on the whiteboard. I literally visualize myself cleaning the whiteboard off and then I re-talk it.
You find the outfit because all of a sudden something pops out at you. It’s retraining. When I worked in the school system, we did a lot with retraining behavior and it’s the same way. You have to isolate the targeted behavior and then you have to rework and come up with what’s that positive and conscious behavior going to look like. What is that self-talk that’s loving and caring? I have to practice that self-talk a lot because I have a lot of shame stories and they’ve been there for decades. I have to work through those. I have to say, “You are special and sweet.” Sometimes I laugh because I think this sounds so elementary and ridiculous, but it’s all the work you have to do and you have to watch who you hang around.
I can’t hang around with some people anymore because it triggers too much of the shame and negativity in me. I watch who I hang around. I watch what I bring to my house. I watch what I eat and the clothes I wear. It’s because I only want to bring in the things that feel good and help with that renovation process and to re-talk.
I can’t agree more. You talk in the book about how we go on after we physically die. You’ve got this inspiring story about your cousin who was your best friend. Can you share that with our audience?
Karen and I grew up together. She was a year younger than me. She had cystic fibrosis. We knew from early on there was a lot of work that went on to keep healthy. Our mantra and our goal were to keep healthy. We walked. We did mantras, affirmations, and visualization. We did all kinds of stuff. I’m just realizing this when you talk about being spiritual, that’s what I mean by I had always done it. She was my maid of honor at my wedding. We had so many funny stories together. We would always end up laughing hysterically and cracking up together. Everything was hilarious for us because we would end up in these monstrous moments of chaos and bust out laughing at how we got there. It was fun.
I am pregnant with my first son and she was with me all the way through. She was even there the day I had him. She was the first person who held him. I remember having him in room ten of the hospital. She babysat him all the time. She was his godmother. She loved him like no other. I was pregnant with my second son and her cystic fibrosis got a lot worse. Let’s put it that way. Two weeks before my second son was born, she ended up passing away.
I was broken and devastated. When you talk about shame, there’s a lot of shame involved in, “I am this nine-month pregnant mom. I already have one son. I’m having another.” In our world, mothers are supposed to be happy. I was not happy. I was the most saddest. I was pathetic. If I think back to it, I moped around. I was crying all the time. It was all I could do to take care of my first son. I didn’t know how to do life without her because every family moment was with her. All of my time was with her. She was more like a sister than even a best friend.
I remember right after her funeral, I had this moment where I thought I was having a baby. I took my older son to a friend’s house. I’m driving to the hospital and I’m pissed off mad that I have to have this baby. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do. I got there and it was a false alarm, so they sent me back home. It was Christmas time, so we were putting up the tree and I remember talking like, “That’s funny. You just did that. I packed that stupid bag so I can go have this freaking baby.” That was my self-talk back then. I didn’t even know how to do all this. I think I was trying to prevent it from happening.
All of a sudden, I woke up one morning and I realized I was having this baby. It was that feeling you know you’re having. My husband took me to the hospital. We’re wheeling me into a room because literally, he’s coming out almost. My water was about to break. They’re wheeling me in and I happened to glance up and it’s room ten. Same hospital, same room. I even get choked up as I’m saying it now. I remember thinking, “How can that be? That’s pretty interesting.”
I have the baby and we’re all still devastated and raw in my family. Two weeks ago, she was gone and now I’m giving birth. You talk about the duality of life. Again, I’m supposed to be this happy, euphoric, and joyful mom. I’m supposed to be loving on my kid. It’s not that I didn’t love him. I gave him everything, but there was a part of me that was gone. I didn’t know how to get that part back. I remember being angry at everyone.
The next morning after having him, a nurse walked in. Out of the blue, she told me about Eckhart Tolle’s, The Power of Now. I remember going, “Okay.” My mom walks in shortly after. I’m like, “The nurse talked about this book called Power of Now.” She goes, “I have that at home. I’ll bring it to you tomorrow.” The next day, she brings it in. I start opening it and it’s all about the present moment. It took me a while to realize that she was sending me those messages and then a little synchronicity started happening.
My older son was three and we were planning him a trained birthday party. We had had the birthday party at this one place, and then it all of a sudden didn’t work or something got canceled. The day before the birthday, I was trying to find something and in comes this information about this train place. I called and the lady answered and her name was Karen. All of a sudden, we got in and that birthday party was better than the one we had planned. I started to pay attention to how she was in my life. She’s helping me.
Now, I believe she helped write the ending to the book because I had this experience. I had finished the book except for the last chapter, and I didn’t know how to end it. I met this guy at a networking event, and he said, “Who do you want me to introduce you to?” He listed all these people. One of the people was a man in his young adult life who had cystic fibrosis. Again, my head goes, “You got to go meet him.” I say, “I want to meet him.” He puts us in touch, we email back and forth, we schedule a time, and I go. He had written a book. We were talking and he brought up this topic about the present moment and being in the present. I remember sitting there going, “That’s so funny. He has cystic fibrosis. He’s talking to me about being present. That’s my signal for her. Anytime that happens, that’s a signal.”
I said, “What advice would you give me?” He says, “Go all in.” I remember being so in awe of what he said. I went right home, grabbed my laptop, and wrote the ending. The ending is all about understanding who you are is going all in. You are just you. It’s a great story and I believe that it gave me the courage when I walked away from the school system and started paying more attention. I read another wonderful book by Suzanne Giesemann called Wolf’s Message. That opened me up to the whole idea of being heart-centered and that there is an afterlife. I then started having more experiences. Now, the work that I do as a medium opens that up even more. I see the synchronicities that life doesn’t end because our physical body ends. Life continues.
Are you an experiential medium in addition to being a mentor for people and helping them to heal their blockages and all? Do you actually receive messages from deceased loved ones for people?
Yes. Some of my clients, I’ve done that work with them as well. It’s part of the healing process that I work with my clients. I also am part of a group of six women. We meet every Monday and we hold sessions.
You’re developing your skills.
We’ve been doing it for years. I have the most healing soul-rendering, life-loving moments. It’s been pretty wild to open up to that part of me. That’s a natural organic part of me that has been developed.
It must feel wonderful too because I’m in that same space with you now with all that I’m doing. Everything we’ve been talking about points to my favorite subject, which is living a conscious lifestyle. I have a bunch of things I want to discuss with you. We’re coming to the end of our time, so they’re important for people to know. First of all, they’ve been understanding it but concisely, what is a conscious life?
How do you move forward to optimal health of mind, body, heart, and soul? This would be huge if you could talk to this one alone. How does a human being rise to a more awakened consciousness from bad, toxic, and negative experiences, which is such a condition that so many of us live with? How do you raise children consciously? You’ve already given us some wonderful examples so take it away, Kristi.
Conscious lifestyle, I believe, is nothing more than being aware and paying attention to how everything interacts and interconnects together. Knowing that at our soul level, the essence of who we are, we are all connected and the same. At the physical human level, that’s where our differences happen. If we can understand that we are all the same first and that the differences are the other part of us, I believe we can work through anything. Again, connection and communication are key factors in any of that.
How do we live a conscious lifestyle? You have to want to feel good. You have to want to live differently than you’re living. You have to want to say, “My life feels heavy. It feels icky. It doesn’t feel good. I want to live differently. I’m always feeling like I have to work hard. I laugh now because I think I don’t work hard. I get more done watching the Hallmark show than I get done anything else because I don’t have to do it all myself. I rely on higher consciousness, which is God, which is the universe, which is Buddha, which is nature. Whatever you want to believe it is to be. I rely on that to guide me through. I’m not pounding the pavement. I’m not working hard. I don’t worry about things like I used to. It’s choosing love over fear. It’s, in every moment, saying, “Am I in fear here or am I in a love place?
Love is this expansive feeling. It’s not like, “I love you. Let’s go get married. Let’s go on a date and let’s kiss.” It’s almost like you’re sitting on the ground and the world is like this big and huge place of open expansive possibility. It’s never-ending. That’s the way love feels to me. I ask myself every minute, “Am I in love or am I in fear?”
That all sounds good, but now you’re in life and you want to be conscious, but you’re surrounded by negative people. In your family, they’re putting you down. In your community, they’re putting you down. Sometimes they’re mean. Sometimes they’re hostile. They’re doing things. Some of them are pretty powerful influences. If you want to live a conscious state, how do you rise from and deal with those negative influences for your own well-being to become more conscious? Like a phoenix, how do you emerge from that and reframe it?
That’s a great question because I feel like a lot of us are there. For one thing, it takes a lot of courage. Brenè Brown writes a lot about courage and vulnerability, so you have to be vulnerable. Again, you have to say, “I want to feel good first. When I want to feel good first, what’s the next thing I need to do?” A couple of things have to take place. One, I have to be willing to take action, which means in any moment, I have to say, “What am I doing to help me? Am I doing something to hurt me?” It’s a lot of clutter-clearing. It’s a lot of getting those toxic people out of your life.
Here’s the thing. I don’t hang around toxic people. I love everybody that I can. I love a lot of my family, but the reality is I don’t hang around them very much unless we have to like holidays and special events. I don’t hang around toxic people anymore. I choose not to. It’s a power that rose when you talk about the phoenix rising up. When I tuned into who I was, there was a power there that said, “That didn’t feel good. Don’t hang around that. Don’t go to that dinner. Don’t go to that event. You don’t like hanging around and doing that work anyway. Why do you go to that? You don’t want to eat that food. It makes you feel bad all the time. Why do you eat it?”
It’s a lot of learning the different self-talks that go on inside of you and listening to your life. Your life is showing you all the answers. If I go to an event and I get a headache when I come back, that tells me that wasn’t a very good thing to do. I don’t do that anymore. One is being courageous enough to make those decisions. If you can’t do it by yourself, get help. You are help. I am help. Listen to podcasts. Go get some help from healers. Find somebody who can mentor you through those processes of saying yes to yourself and no to everything else that doesn’t work anymore. It’s hard work.
One is getting connected. Whoever your higher power is, I don’t care who it is. I don’t care if it’s God, the universe, Buddha, or higher consciousness. Get connected every day. How do you do that? Through prayer, through silence, or through finding the quiet. Get out of the busyness and find quiet. Put more “white space” in your life. Have more downtime. That’s what’s good for everybody. Our bodies are not made for all that on-the-go busyness. Finding that downtime and praying and making gratitude a part of every day.
When I’m in a bad mood, the thing that gets me out faster is if I can, for one split second, start seeing the things I’m grateful for. Sometimes in the morning, the only thing I can find that I’m grateful for in my chaos of a morning is my cup of coffee. I will literally stand there and go, “I love my coffee.” Until literally I feel my body start to detangle all the ick that came around because I live with teenagers. It’s entangled a lot, but it’s finding those things. It’s learning how to take care of yourself first. We are such a society, especially as mothers and parents, that we take care of everyone else first. It’s learning how to say, “What do I need here?” What’s good for me is going to be good for everybody else because that’s the vibrational flow of the way the universe is connected.
When you walk into a family event, I call it set detaching with love, you’ve separated from all these people because they’re toxic, but now you have to be around them. What space do you put yourself in to deal with that so that you’re still conscious and they’re not affecting you as deeply as they once did? How do you handle that? You’re on a job and your supervisor is toxic. We all have situations where we can’t stop being friends with that person, detach with love, and pull out. When you have to be around people like that, as a conscious person, how do you handle that?
I think you’re aware of the fact that it’s not all of life. These are snippets of moments. Let’s say your job because a lot of people are on jobs that they don’t like, but they can’t get out of them because that’s their financial backing. Let’s say you walk into a job and you have to be there for eight hours a day. You can start to change the way you look at that job. That job is not in control of you. You are in control of it. The one free will that we have is how we see that particular. The more we become strengthened in our own power of choice, the more we can see. I can hear my boss talking to me, but I can let it bounce off of me. I teach my clients to let words bounce off of you. They’re not who you are. That’s what your boss is saying.
A lot of times, it’s praying. I use prayer a lot, but prayer is not the formal prayer we think of in religion. It’s more about, “Help me get through this moment,” and then I rely on that bigger power to guide me through. I see things as snippets of time. This is a two-hour block. This is a one-hour block. This is an eight-hour block. You can get through anything because your life is so big and expansive. I walk into situations and I see people separate from me.
I almost see, with each of us, a bubble around ourselves and we’re interacting. I can hear someone and let it bounce off of me and not take it on as my story. I can also leave and say, “Thank you for that learning experience.” I can go into situations that I know are going to be toxic and say, “What am I going to get out of this moment? What do I need to learn? Help me learn it.” You’ll be amazed at how that will enlighten you to see it totally differently. You’re not in these people. You are separate from them.
That’s your physical part. I can learn to see beyond the way someone is acting. That’s not who they are either. If my outer appearance is not who I am, then their outer appearance, whether they’re being nasty to you, being mean, toxic, judgmental, or egotistical is not who they are either. You have to find ways to limit it, and then when you can’t limit it, you have to go in with, “They’re not in control of me. I am in control of me.” If I recognize that they did affect me, then I go work through that because there’s a lesson there. There’s something to be learned that part of you needs to strengthen and get better about.
If they’re that negative and affecting you that much even if you’re separating out from them, maybe it’s a lesson that you need to make a change in your life and exercise more self-love in some way.
Absolutely. I believe that we all have the power to make our own decisions. Sometimes we do it subconsciously. We choose this life because it’s giving us something. You’ve chosen that. What is that you’re getting out of it? Let’s work through that first. That’s our starting point.
Everyone is going to want to read your book now and get to know you better. I want you to tell us what your healing sessions are like, which you’ve alluded to, and how you mentor, especially to women. How can our audience reach you? You’re offering three mentoring sessions for people tuning in to our show. Take it away, Kristi. Tell everybody how wonderful you are. Tell us all about what you’re doing to help them.
I have a website www.KristiPeck.com. Everything is available on the website. You can get access to the book on the website. It’s available on Amazon. You can email me, you can call, you can make appointments through that. You can see all the other offerings that we have going on right now. My healing sessions, basically, here’s the way they work. I’ve worked with a few men, but mostly women come. It’s casual. Here’s the thing. Come as if you’re thinking we’re going to sit, talk, and have coffee together. It’s relaxing.
I don’t want someone coming fearful because there’s nothing to be afraid of. I hold energetic space for that person. All that means is I’m so empathic that I can hold you in the palm of my hands and we’re going to talk through. You’re going to tell me what’s challenging for you, what’s troublesome, and what problems you’re having. We then start to detangle and we pull it apart. It’s almost like your necklace. You have a knot and you’re trying to undo it. That’s all we’re doing.
In the midst of that, I’m helping you with your energy centers because we all have these energy centers within our bodies. I’m taking a look at how that’s working and how you’re responding to your life. I’m helping you see the patterns that you don’t see because that’s my scale. I can see beyond what you’re doing. I also get my guidance. My guides are telling me, “This is going on. Help her with this.” We work through that.
If I need to use some of my mediumship skills, we tap into that as well. If we need to go back in time, we isolate. Once we find out where the little challenges are, we start working through, “Here are some daily strategies for working through some of those monumental moments that have been painful for you.” Also, rewriting that dialogue. How do we talk better to ourselves? What are some tools that you can be given every day to do? We look at those daily habits so that we’re creating positive and supportive systems in our lives. Also, creating a conscious lifestyle in the midst of paying attention.
Do you do it electronically too? Can people have a session with you from a distance like you’re in Missouri and I’m here in New Jersey?
Absolutely. I do a lot of Zoom sessions, so I can do them through Zoom. I can also do them on the phone. I prefer Zoom because I like to see people and interact in that way.
What are you offering our audience?
If you email me, I will be offering healing sessions and a couple of those. I’ll be offering a couple of signed copies of the book. I’ll give it about a week after the show and I’ll pull names. If you email me, I’ll put you in a big pool. We’ll pull names and I’ll email you and tell you what you won.
That’s wonderful. The biggie that I want to ask you is, what is Kristi Peck’s tip for finding joy in life?
The interesting thing is I don’t think you find it. I think it’s always there. Kristi Peck’s tip is to be in the present moment. Within that present moment, it’s available all the time. It’s like love. It’s always available to you, awaken to it. Your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you wake up, let it be every present moment. You can choose joy. You can say, “I’m choosing joy right now, not anything else.” You open your eyes, put on your glasses, and see it for something different. Have fun. Let all those synchronicities be fun to find in life.
A lot of what you’re talking about is making these different choices that are more for the positive.
It’s totally different choices. Allowing people to be themselves because you get to choose who you hang around with. We are not told we have to do anything. Those are arbitrary illusions that we have. You, as a human being, get to choose who to be around. Love the people that you’re with. As a mom, I love my kids. They crack me up. They also make me want to pull my eyelashes out. I love them for who they are. I try to let that be the guide and let them raise themselves in a way. They know themselves better than me, so I just have fun. That’s joy.
That is so wise. I hate to conclude this, but we have to. I know we’re going to be talking again. I want to thank you so much for sharing your wonderful transformative insight-filled book with our audience called Coming Home: A Love Story. I’m looking forward to discussing your second book about cultivating a sacredness of self with you when it comes out. As I like to say, to be continued, Kristi.
Sounds wonderful. Thank you, Irene. I love you all.
- Kristi Peck’s book: Coming Home: A Love Story
- Kristi Peck’s Website
- Helen Schucman’s A Course in Miracles referenced in this episode
- Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love referenced in this episode
- Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now referenced in this episode
- Suzanne Geisemann’s Wolf’s Message referenced in this episode