Rediscovering Hope After a Tragedy
Kim Cantin endured one of the most devastating tragedies in recent U.S. history, the 2018 Montecito mudslides. That tragedy claimed the lives of 23 people, including her beloved husband and son, and left her daughter miraculously rescued after being buried alive. Out of that unimaginable loss, Kim emerged with an unwavering commitment not just to survive—but to heal, to love, and to inspire. She joins Irene Weinberg to share how this life-altering tragedy taught her what it means to accept help, lean into vulnerability, and cherish the love that never dies, which she discusses in her award-winning book “Where Yellow Flowers Bloom.”
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THINGS LIKE:
- How Kim first learned that her husband and son had not survived.
- The significance of a Japanese Kintsugi Pig that became a profound symbol of healing and resilience for Kim.
- The deeper meaning behind the yellow flowers that remind us that love is eternal.
- How mediumship and therapy helped Kim to release trauma and the wisdom of profound grief she has gained.
- The remarkable gifts that emerged for Kim through the process of healing.
SOME QUESTIONS IRENE ASKS KIM:
- Your daughter was buried alive, how did she miraculously survive and earn the name “the miracle mud princess?”
- What was the powerful message your son Jack gave you through a medium at the beginning of the 3-year search for him?
- What types of therapies did you explore to release the trauma stored in your body?
- In what ways has your life become richer in the depth of your soul?
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Rediscovering Hope After a Tragedy
I hope this message finds each of you very well. I’m speaking to you from my studio in West Orange, New Jersey. I could not be more delighted to have the pleasure of interviewing Kim Cantin, a former medical device executive whose resilience, strength and spirit will leave you in awe. Kim endured one of the most devastating natural disasters in recent US history, the 2018 Montecito mudslides. That tragedy claimed the lives of 23 people including Kim’s beloved husband and son and left her daughter miraculously rescued after being buried alive.
Out of that unimaginable loss, Kim emerged with an unwavering commitment, not just to survive but to heal to love and to inspire. Kim’s seven-time award-winning memoir Where Yellow Flowers Bloom is a luminous testament to the healing capacity for hope and grace. Her voice has touched millions to her appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres show, Rob Lowe’s powerful documentary Madness in the Hills, and even in the pages of Reebok founder, Joe Foster’s How to Survive and Thrive.
Kim now serves on the board of OneLegacy championing organ and donor donation. She continues to speak across the country helping others navigate grief, renewal and the deeper meaning of perseverance. I’m looking forward to welcoming Kim who is joining us from Southern California for what will surely be a deeply moving and unforgettable interview.
We’ll explore the life-altering tragedy of 2018 that claimed her beloved husband Dave and her son Jack and the miraculous rescue of her daughter Lauren who was buried alive and survived. We’ll discuss Kim’s seventh time award-winning memoir Where Yellow Flowers Bloom and reflect on what it means to accept help, lean into vulnerability and recognize the profound signs and synchronicities that affirm that love never dies.
We’ll also talk about the unexpected glimmers of hope that guide him through darkness and the extraordinary ways her son Jack continues to connect with her and Lauren through a medium. Kim’s journey is not only one to survival but of soulful transformation. A life now richer in meaning, connection and grace. This promises to be an incredible interview that will touch your heart and awaken your spirit. Kim, a warm heartfelt welcome to the show.
Thank you. It’s so nice to be her, Irene.
Kim’s Life Before The Tragedy
You have such an amazing story. It’s profound. Let’s have everybody get to know who Kim was before all this tragedy, trauma happened to you. What was your life like before this tragedy that claimed your husband and your son?
My life, Irene, I would say I was living the dream. I was living in a beautiful part of the country near Santa Barbara, California called Montecito. I had a fabulous family. We all loved one another. My son was a junior in high school and he was an eagle scout. He started his own teen organization. He co-founded it with two other boys called Teens On The Scene. They would go out every month and do something in the community to help and expanded to five high schools and over 200 teens.
My daughter, Lauren was fourteen at the time. She was little Miss Joy Devee. She was in musicals and loved theater and chatting with her girlfriends. My husband was an executive as well as a medical device. We met at work and had very similar careers. He was very involved in the community. He was the Scout Master in Montecito and revived the truth that had been dwindling down to two scouts before he came. When he came, he got it going again and now it was up to like 20 or 30. He made an impact in the community for those kids. He was a role model and almost like a second dad to so many of those young men and we were still in love.
We still went on dates. I knew every day I was grateful to have him. We had our amazing Irish setter dog. He was my best dog ever, Chester. He was loved by everyone. At all the play parks, Chester loved everyone and everyone loved him. Sometimes, I helped teach Sunday school and I was in a charity league with my daughter. We were very involved in the community. We had such a great family and a family life and we were blessed. I was just blessed and I lived in just paradise. I would pinch myself going, “I live in paradise. I’m lucky.” It was just like, “I’m lucky.” I knew I was lucky.
What I love is that you express such gratitude. Even then before you knew, before what happened to you.
I remember saying to that house when we got that, I said, “Honey, this is my forever home.” There was a retirement community across the street and I said, “When I’m old just put me in a wheelchair and push me across the street but I want to be tending a rose garden here when I’m retired.” That’s all I want to do is gardening and all that stuff.
Kim’s Experience During The 2018 Montecito Mudslides
It’s like many of us in life. We have all this wonderful stuff that we think we got it passed. We think we all got the answers and then you have a mudslide come into your life. Tell us about your personal experience with it, which is unbelievable. Tell us about Lauren who was just fourteen when this tragedy struck and was literally buried alive and miraculously survived. Didn’t they start calling her the miracle mud princess?
Yes, she was the mud princess. She’s like the Phoenix rising. My experience started off and just to frame up. In December, there was a big wildfire and it was the largest wildfire in California history at the time called the Thomas Fire. It was roaring toward Santa Barbara and we evacuated 3 to 4 times. The house did not burn down. There was ash everywhere. It was traumatizing to the community. All of December was a Wildfire. It was the holidays that didn’t happen. No holiday parties. Nothing. No mail was being delivered. We just sided with relief and we started the beginning of the year and heavy rain was going to come.
What’s interesting about Santa Barbara, it’s where the mountains meet the sea. There’s a range of mountains, then there’s about four miles of land then it’s a specific ocean. It’s a real striking difference where the mountains meet the sea. Now, because of the Thomas fire, those mountains had no foliage and what was left on those mountains was big car sized boulders sitting precariously on the hillside. I remember looking at them, Irene, and saying, “I feel so bad for those people who have houses near those boulders on the mountain,” because we were lowered down.
We weren’t up in the mountains. We were down in the village and I just felt sad for them. We would watch the news and we had the alerts on our phone, “Aware and beware.” Heavy rain was forecasted to come in on January 8th. My husband did not take a trip to Europe that he was supposed to for work. He stayed back. We watched all the news on what to do. We got the house ready, cleared out the drains, and had the sandbags. We had our car staged across at our neighbor’s house, so that sandbags could be up. We were in mandatory evacuation. We knew. We were like, “If we hear heavy rain, we’ll get up and we’ll get out.”
That’s amazing. You took all the precautions.
I even had a hotel room reserved if we needed it, but we were just watching what we do and what they say to do. Anyway, probably about 3:00 in the morning, we were woken to very heavy rain and we all got up. We said, “Get your clothes on. We’re going to leave.” My husband went to look around the house. I saw him checking on the garage. He yelled in and said, “We’re taking in water. We got about two inches of water in the garage already.”
What happened was that half an inch in fifteen minutes came down, but then on the hill, which we didn’t know. There were water mains and the water mains burst. Seven water mains released all their waters. It was like Niagara Falls being released on top of torrential half an inch in fifteen minutes. Now, remember the mountain that was denatured? It was like plasticity. I’m not saying the right word, but what’s left is the ash on the ground is like a plastic and it starts sliding down. The mountains started to slide down and it took those car-sized boulders with it.
We were in the house. All of a sudden, I was looking out the bay window as I was getting my clothes on and it’s 3:00 in the morning. It went from pitch Black into this eerie Yellow like a nuclear bomb Yellow, you would imagine. I said, “Dave, something wrong, just happened.” I didn’t know there was a big gas explosion in the town that was lighting up the sky. We started hearing zing, zing and they were boulders hitting boulders as they jammed up under the underpass. There was a lane across from us from the street in the creek and a neighbor saw what happened.
I was in the house. He saw a 30-foot wave of mud debris down trees and boulders plumb up 30-feet and crash down on our house with my family in it. My husband was getting his flashlight to check on things because we were all like, “Let’s go. We have to get out.” I saw him open the front door and he slammed it right away and said, “Let’s go now. Get back the door now.” He ran past me in the living room and he goes, “Kim, get out.” He ran out the door toward the pool and it was a glass door. I tried to. I put my hands to get out the door, but my hand got stuck because the mud was roaring through the house and put pressure on that door jamb. I could not pull my hand out or open the door.
He was on the glass on the other side of me saying, “Get out,” and then he washed away. The last thing my husband said was trying to save my life. I watched my dog. He was laying on the floor. I saw him get covered in the mud and wash away. I went under and it felt like I was in a trash compactor. I was hit by everything so hard. I heard about seeing the light and I said, “God, if you want me to die now, show me the white light” and I’m a type A. For me to say, “I’m just going to do what you want me to do.” I was in so much pain.
I was just being pushed in granite and furniture. Everything was hitting me. I must have been knocked out and blocked out. After I said, “God, if you want me to die now, I will,” and I just rag doll which is not common for a type A person to rag doll. That probably helped save me, but I just relaxed. I didn’t fight it. I went with it. The next thing I knew, I was coming. I must have been unconscious and I was on a debris pile. I was wrapped in electrical wire and severely injured. To the left of me, I heard a roaring river and I’m like, “I don’t want to roll into that.”
To the right as I pried my eyes open to see, it was an electrical transformer and electrical wires exploding and I said, “I can’t go that way.” I thought I was in my backyard because I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know what happened and I yelled and yelled. It was like Armageddon. No one was there. I just said, “I’ve got to serve my energy.” I had a little turtleneck on from the night before. I destroyed my clothes before and I just tried to roll it up to get warmth because I was freezing. It was January and it had been raining. It was freezing out there.
I had big gaps in my turtleneck and I was pulling out with my one hand that worked big pieces of wood and debris. I just prayed. I prayed and I tried to keep as quiet as I could. A little while later, maybe the sun was starting to come up and I saw in the distance, a red light and a white light. I’m like, “That’s like an ambulance,” but it wasn’t spinning. I thought I’m going to yell and I said, “Help.” I heard a clomp up. You could tell it was just like mud piles of sludge and he goes, “This is Garrett. I’m coming to get you.”
He said, “Who was in your home?” I said, “My husband Dave, my son Jack, my daughter Lauren, and our dog Chester.” He said the most terrible thing. He said, “Where was your home?” He said it was and I thought I was in my backyard. I was able to move this hand and I went straight back unbelievably because it was 30 square miles. There were piles everywhere. There were cars up in trees crushed like soda can sheds. Those tuff sheds.
Where I pointed was the exact pile that Lauren was in. Two of the rescuers went toward there and that helped them get to her but they didn’t get her for another 5 to 6 hours. That was my experience and then I got to the hospital. I had to have two surgeries that night and I had to learn to walk again. It was going to be a long haul in the hospital. I’m eggplant purple. I looked like someone took a wire brush to my body and then in the hospital, I heard the door open and it was a nurse. She says, “Do you have a daughter named Lauren?” I said, “Yes.” They said they just rescued her and my whole body just went, “Oh my God.” I’m like, “Where is Dave and Jack”
What I heard what happened to Lauren after, I’m in the hospital and the surgeries and everything is that she had run. When my husband said, “Get dressed. We’re getting out of here.” She quickly ran to get her rain boots the ones that go to your knees and that probably saved her legs. She was coming out to leave. She couldn’t get out. The mud was already chest deep and she was pinned against the wall then rose to the ceiling and was drowning in the mud.
At one point, she says she thought her hips were going to break because furniture was compressing it. She was just rushed away. There was movement when the house was falling apart because the house was obliterated. There was not even rebar left in the pool. It was obliterated. Everything is gone. She was buried alive for six hours under 20-feet of mud with just the comfort of air the size of a volleyball with a little tiny hole like a straw to breathe. She would push on her atonement.
What a blessing, though.
In the book, she writes about how she stayed alive and what she was thinking about when buried alive. It was a testament to the human will. They finally heard her because she was yelling and yelling. With the gas leak, it was hard to hear. They couldn’t use power tools, so they got her out eight hours after she initially got there. Her rescue was shown around the world because it was like a Phoenix rising, like out of this incredible pile which had a roof on it, a car on it and an electrical. All this stuff. This fourteen-year-old girl emerged and they said, “Can we carry you to the ambulance?” She says, “No, I’ll walk.” It was stunning. She was injured, but she said, “I’m walking.” They obviously helped her.
She had those boots on.
Think about 62 homes decimated and all the broken glass from the broken windows that is running by your feet and the live electrical wires. It was Armageddon.
How did you first learn that Dave and Jacket had not survived?
They did a test run for me the first day. I had surgery the first night and the next morning, they came in and what they called was a trial run. Some of the people that were there to help me wanted to see who I needed in the room for the bad news. They did it first with my dog and they said, “We found Chester.” It was the next morning that those same people came in, the priest, the nun and my parents. They said, “We found Dave.” I said, “Alive?” They said no and I said, “Are you sure?” I found out then and then Jack was just missing. They’re like, “Where was he in the house? We’re out searching. We’re going to search where the pool used to be and all that stuff.” You start counting the days. How long can someone survive?
Honoring The Legacies Of Jack And Dave
Unbelievable. I want to ask you because you eventually opened up through mediumship and you connected with them but Tell us about Jack and Dave because they each left amazing legacies. You and I were talking about, I got the message a soul has to go. Many lessons will be learned from his death. Your two guys have certainly left wonderful things.
They have. What I hear is sometimes you get dreams of your loved ones who passed on close to when you’re going to pass and my husband never told me about his dreams. He never had dreams that he told me much about, but the week before he goes, “I had a dream about my late brother Michael.” He had a brother who died at seventeen from a congenital disease that they can now fix. David had fallen and he had a broken finger from baseball. He had to cut off his wedding ring because it was swelling.
Sometimes, you get dreams of your loved ones who passed on close to when you are going to pass. Share on X
His brother was telling him, “Get the replacement wedding ring.” We’re thinking, “It’s Christmas time. We’re spending a lot of money. Do we need to do it now?” I’m like, “Let’s go do it now.” Dave’s legacy, he was a self-made man. He had the paper row as a young kid to make extra money and always worked. He was a man of faith. He was very active in the church growing up and a big baseball player. When his parents divorced and there was no money for his education, he got a job and then said, “I’m going to take out loans to make it happen.” He worked hard. He stayed back with his mom who was devastated with the divorce to make sure she was fine and helped her so she could stay in her house. He was just a good guy.
He was a good human. I couldn’t have picked a better husband for me. He was so supportive of me and my career and our life together. He’s so loving. I never ever had to worry about him being disloyal. He was just salt to the Earth awesome guy. He was asked because Jack was in Cub Scouts and the moms all saw Dave and how excited he was at the meetings. They’re like, “Kim, do you think he’d be our Cub master or scout master?” I said, “Ask him,” and they did.
It was probably the most meaningful thing he did in his life. He reinvigorated the Montecito Troop 33 which was down to two scouts and he brought it back up to about twenty. His legacy in scouting, the highest award is Eagle Scout and only 1% to 3% of scouts ever get Eagle. Every single one of the original boys that matriculated up would Jack into this Troop 33. There were fourteen of them. They all got Eagle Scout and they did it to honor Dave. It’s such an impact. They said, “What a mentor.” He did everything.
He passes that forward through them.
Jack was an old soul and a sweet and funny guy. He had a very funny dry sense of humor. Hysterical. He was a big gamer but he was an old soul and had so much compassion. When he would help at Safety Town, which is a summer camp to help little young tikes, two- and three-year-olds to learn street signs and how to get on a bus and all that stuff. My daughter would say, “Jack’s good with young kids.” He was. He was kind. He got to Eagle Scout and he refurbished a school.
There was a school in town that was underfunded. It was a title one school and it was dilapidated. He went and redid their whole basketball recessed area and repainted all their backboards with a beautiful cobalt blue and did a stencil of the dolphin on it and school bus yellow posts. All the fifth graders wrote him a note and said, “Thanks for making our school beautiful again.” That is what moved Jack and he co-founded a teen group called Teens on The Scene.
That legacy follows him also.
People who learned about Jack’s life after his passing learned a lot about a kid who lived a lot in his short life and who did pay it forward. He was kind. He did a lot of loving gestures in this world and he added a lot of laughter. He was a funny guy.
It sounds absolutely wonderful and I’m sure he still is.
It comes through in some of the writings that I’ve had. He still got the sense of humor and that’s how I know it’s him.
Opening To The World Of Mediumship
That’s how you know. The first thing that happened to you, is you are open to the world of mediumship. Now, had you believed in it before?
I didn’t have much contact with it just because in my life, it had not crossed my path. I wasn’t open to it. I just didn’t. I was in the hospital and a neighbor friend came in named Marsha and she said, “I’ve reached out to Suzanne Giesemann who is a renowned medium. She has a weightlessness that’s forever and I’ve asked because of your situation with Jack being missing. Could she help you?” I’m like, “I’m open to anything. I’m open to any help. We got to find Jack.” He’s one of the missing. There were two missing, a two-year-old and then Jack.
Graciously, Suzanne, of how busy she is. She got me a reading within 90 days and Dave and Jack came through. My first question was, “Jack, where are you?” Interestingly enough, we were working on the search for Jack once I learned to walk again. I started to engage to say, “Where are we?” I was talking to the detective saying, “I want an update. Where are we looking for Jack’s remains?” I was in a little store and he goes, “Let me give you my name and number. You can call me anytime.”
I dipped into this little store, the Lily store, and I knew the shop owner. I said, “Linda, sorry to bug you. I need a pen and paper.” I quickly wrote down the detective’s name and number. After I hung up from the detective, I felt totally responsible to tell her why I interrupted her so rudely in her store. I go, “That was about Jack,” and everyone knew about Jack. The whole town wanted Jack found and so much of California wanted Jack found because their heart bled for Jack and Lydia. I said, “It was for the search for Jack.”
She said the most important thing. She goes, “Do you know Catherine Weissenberg?” I go, “No. She goes, “You need to. She’s under the radar in town here, but she can probably help you. She has communication talents that you and I don’t.” I reached out to Catherine and Catherine Weissenberg about writing. It’s almost like she’s having a conversation with the person and you can ask questions. It’s not like, “I’m seeing someone in a blue shirt now.” It’s almost like she’s got a bat phone. That was immensely helpful because I was like, “Jack, where are you? Help us find you. It’s 30 square miles,” but it was so healing to me. It was so healing to me to have the writings and the connections.
Didn’t Jack give you an important message in the beginning that began this three-year search for him?
What began a three-year search was Jack said, “I will be found. I don’t know where. I don’t know when but God told me I will be found.” Catherine says he said it dogmatically, just putting like a staff in the ground, “I will be found.”
How do you still feel his presence? He was found three years later and that itself is worth reading the book about and we’re going to talk about your book.
Also, how we got there. You can say you can read the book in like three days because they’re flying. It’s like, “How did this all happen?”
It’s amazing. How do you feel Jack’s presence now because he’s evolving on the other side now, isn’t he?
There’s two lights that he messes with. Other people had been in the house and were like, “That’s Jack.” He messes with electricity a little bit. Also, I get pictures back. Remember, I lost everything. Everything washed away. Everything. I didn’t have a needle and thread. All my pictures and the kid’s artwork. Those were the treasures. What happens is, sometimes ‘ll say, “I just came across this picture of Jack.” They sent it to me and I’m like, “Thank you.” Those moments.
It’s like in the book, on Valentine’s Day. Four hundred and four days after the tragedy, on Valentine’s Day, because of the mudslide, there had been a website posted of lost and found. If people had found stuff in the mud, they could post it, then I can say, “That’s mine,” or not mine or whatever. All of a sudden, on Valentine’s Day, I was in a car going to LAX and one of the other mudslide survivors texted me.
She goes, “There’s something on the lost and found site that’s yours. It’s an ultrasound and it has your name on it.” I go, “What?” I called and it was the ultrasound of Jack in my belly. It was found over 404 days later in perfect condition in the elements, wedged between two rocks at the beach. It had been in those little three-hole sheets and in perfect condition. On Valentine’s, I get the ultrasound in my belly.
The Meaning Of The Lime Green Pig
It’s amazing. There’s another thing that you found that had profound significance that was found for you and it was a lime green pig and that became a profound symbol for you. Share that, and you also talked about that in the book, which is amazing.
I had another friend who’s quite spiritual. She would tell me before about this Japanese art called Kintsugi. It’s the art of, if something breaks like a beautiful porcelain bowl. In Japan, they will glue it back together with gold paint. Sometimes, that broken bowl or cup is more beautiful after it’s been repaired showing where the cracks were. The theory of that is, you can become more beautiful by your scars and don’t hide them.
I had bought Lauren’s bathroom a little cheap shabby chic lime green wooden pig that I thought was cute as a little decor in her bathroom. It’s like two feet or whatever and by a foot or whatever. It’s a cute little thing. It was posted that someone found this pig, but the poor piggy had a broken snout. He had lost his tail. He had a broken hoof. When I said it was mine, they gave it to an artist who knew how to do Kintsugi. They repainted the pig lime green but did his snout in gold. His hoof was broken in gold. His new tail is gold. I have him and he is more beautiful. It’s so meaningful for me. I look at it of, there’s beauty in the scars and don’t hide them.
Writing The Award-Winning Memoir “Where Yellow Flowers Bloom”
Look at you and me. We’ve both been through so much trauma and we healed in a way the gold paint is within us. We’ve done our healing and we’re helping other people with what’s happening for us. Now, this opens me up to ask you to tell everyone about your seventh time award-winning memoir, Where Yellow Flowers Bloom. You explore what it truly means to receive, support, embrace vulnerability and recognize those extraordinary signs and synchronicities we were talking about. Tell us about the deeper meaning behind the yellow flowers and just tell everyone what you’d like them to know about your book. It’s such a beautiful book.
I started writing it during COVID. I’m thinking I just have to write down what happened so I don’t forget it for my future grandchildren.
Where were you staying, by the way, after your home was destroyed?
I was in a rental for a while and then I was able to get a new home. It’s about seven minutes from our other one. I needed to be far enough away, but I started writing during COVID. We’re all in the house and not going anywhere. I wanted to do it to remember, but as I started writing it, Irene, I’m like, “I think this could help someone.”
It showed me go from desperate grief to peaceful acceptance and all the things in the journey. The help of the intuitives that helped in the search, the learnings and the wisdom I was gaining. I’m like, “This could help others, especially those who’ve lost someone dramatically or suddenly.” I’m still standing and I still have love and hope in my heart and for the future. Remember, the mud slide was 30 square miles and it was like a needle in the haystack to be able to find what we were looking for.
It was so disheartening.
Also, if you remember, 62 homes were destroyed. All their garage contents, all the insulation, and all the paint buckets. Everything. We had a university anthropology team help us in the search with their equipment. The professor, who was a logical forensic archaeologist said, “Nothing should grow in this soil. It’s got a lot of arsenic in it.”
Nothing should grow yet, the pile that we ultimately found some of Jack’s remains in was grace and covered with beautiful yellow flowers. The student came to my house afterwards and she had cut some of those yellow flowers. She said, “Here, life found a way.” I said, “No, love found a way.” The yellow flowers for me are beauty where you don’t expect it. Look for the beauty where you don’t expect it.
Using Therapy To Deal With Trauma
It’s such an inspiring book from what happened to you to where you went to and what you made of it. I have to credit. You used a lot of different therapies. You were open to healing and could you tell us some of the things that you did? You must have had so much trauma stored inside your body. The profound grief that you experience. Where did you start? You’re open to mediumship. That’s helping. I’ve had the same experience but now, what else did you do?
The first thing I said to Lauren, I said, “Lauren, honey. Neither one of us have ever been through anything like this. We’re going to need a lot of help, so let’s be open to it.” I was just more open to it. There was grief therapy and talk therapy then realizing I had PTSD from being washed away. There’s a technique called EMDR or tapping therapy that helps soften the nervous system. Somatic touch therapy that helps soften and regulate the nervous system from the trauma. I did Reiki energy healing.
I do Reiki, which I didn’t know much about but that’s profound. I did a whole mix. I went to a widow’s group. I went to a survivor’s group of the similar survivors that we all went through that the hospital ran. I just dedicated myself and I still do it. I got some Reiki going on after this interview. I am still committed and I still do my EMDR, because it was a pretty traumatic event and sudden dramatic death, which is what I experienced, losing Dave and Jack, is different from anticipatory death.
I’m not saying one’s better or compared to the other. They’re different. An anticipator like my dad just died at 86. I knew it was coming. He had bad dementia. I had my time to say goodbye. He lived 86 great years. He wasn’t robbed of anything. I’m happy about his transition for him, and sudden traumatic events are different. It’s compounded. You’ve got trauma, grief and these compounding things. You look for experts. There’s an expert Jennifer Levin, PhD. She’s an expert on sudden traumatic death and helps people with that. She’s episodes and stuff just on sudden traumatic and how to heal from sudden traumatic, which is helpful.
It was a potpourri of a whole bunch of different things. The intuitives helped me heal, hearing that my son and husband are okay. They’re in pure joy. They’re thriving. They got different jobs. The one said that Jack’s job was making young boys in Asia who were starving not feel their hunger. I’m like, “That makes sense. Jack was great with young kids. I could see him doing that.” It was the mix of everything. To have patience with yourself and have grace with yourself, I was blessed by a community and friends who were so supportive and in my sacred search team.
Have patience and grace with yourself when you deal with trauma. Share on X
Here’s a key lesson that I learned that I want to take with me on anyone I know who experiences grief. During the search, I had seven people come out with me for three years and six of them, I didn’t know before this happened. There was a dog handler and a search dog, a general contractor who drove the caterpillars, a woman who lost her house in the mudslide and intuitive Catherine came out and then a scout dad and then Allison and Jock who were neighbors.
If I said to you, “Irene, it’s 2025. My son’s missing. Will you go out with me until 2028 every two weeks to look for my missing son?” Not many hands would go up. These people showed up as. It’s like what Mr. Rogers says, “Look for the helpers.” They showed up and they went with me on this journey. At one point, it was two years in and the piles, we had been getting through them. You’re looking around and there weren’t obvious piles that we needed to search with the excavator.
I had left after an afternoon of searching with Anne and Sherry. I had to go pick Lauren up at school and one of them said to the other as they looked around and didn’t see many piles. I think Anne said to Sherry or Sherry said to Anne, “When do we think we’re going to be done here? It has been two years.” The other one said the most profound thing. She said, “When Kim tells us we’re done.”
What was profound in that is they were going to show up on my grief journey as long as I needed it. Not as long as they needed to do it. Everyone’s grief journey is different and the timelines are different. I want to lean into that learning of, I want to show up for someone in their grief journey how long they needed. Some people say, “Get over it. It’s been a year. Start dating. Do this.” Everyone’s different and that was such a learning experience.
It’s amazing. It sounds like this profound experience has changed your attitude from that Kim who had everything set and wonderful. She had a great life and you were grateful for that, but this is whole different.
Irene, I would say I was corporate Kim before. I was all business and holding the family together. I love my family but I was more corporate Kim. Now, I’m human Kim.
Very much deepened and grateful for everything I would imagine.
Anything. Looking at a flower bloom is magnificent.
From Working In Corporate To Making A Real Difference
Kim, can I identify? I also want to know. Would you want to talk about any of the causes because your life is so much richer even to the depth of your soul. You switch from broken Kim and now you’re making such a difference.
There would be no growth for me to go back to. I could do that job with one eye open, but there would be no personal growth. I don’t want to go back to the corporate world, but I found a way to use those skills in a way that’s more meaningful. There’s a customer I used to work with in medical devices, a surgeon. He’s working at OneLegacy, which is the number one procurement facility to help with organ tissue and eye donation. It’s in Southern California, but it leads in the United States.
Every person who decides to donate can save a life and some donors can say five lives through the donation. He said, “Could you be on the board of directors?” They want my business acumen to help. I’m like, “If that helps someone have their life saved and their families have their loved ones longer. I’m all in.” I’ve helped with that and that’s been rewarding. I’m starting my second book. I’ve got to do it. I’m just going to see what my next chapter is going to be doing. Speaking is rewarding if it helps people. The people in Texas, my heart believes for them.
Tell us about that because now you have some special wisdom. They’ve had these wildfires in Southern, California, and Texas. How are you transferring what you’ve learned to help?
I’m reaching out. I had just reached out to a fire chief, the local one here and I said, “Pat, how do I let people know in Texas that if they need me to come there to speak or whatever they need, that would help them. Let them know I’m here. I know what it feels to be washed away. I know what it feels to have a loved one missing from that and I’m still standing.” We’re trying to make contact. If they need it, that’s great. If they don’t, that’s fine.
All I want to be is helpful when so many were kind and helpful for me and that was healing or in a fire situation. I’ve certainly made some calls to people like my sister’s friend from long ago. They lost their house in the Pacific Palisades and my sister was like, “I don’t want to bug her.” I said, “Pam, let her know. Is she okay? Does she need to come stay at my house in Santa Barbara? Does she need a place?” Don’t assume someone else is going to do it and you think you’re going to bother them. They can always say no, but they might need the help.
Did they?
They had a place that they got, but they appreciated the offer.
Doing The Work To Heal Yourself
That’s wonderful. I want to ask you because you’ve done so much with healing. What have you learned about the gifts that emerged from the process of healing and how do they help make the deep painful? It’s painful. The work of true healing feels worthwhile and transformative. Why should people reading this consider getting healing for themselves with whatever’s going on in their lives?
You’ve got to do the work. It is not as hard as you think it might be. Some people are terrified like, “If I do the work, I have to relive it.” No, it’s not going to be as hard as you think. Some things like a somatic touch almost feels like a massage but it’s like I’m calmer. My nervous system is more regulated. Things will soften for you. There’s that book called The Body Keeps the Score. If you don’t deal with it, it will come out in your body in another way. In a way you don’t want cancer or whatever. Even my daughter would say I’m a more chill person. I don’t get as reactive as maybe I would have been. Someone cutting me off on the freeway, I can handle it better. Whereas before, I would be jarred.
From my own experience, would you agree, it makes you more accepting of people and their stuff? You understand that people are coming to you with a history or whatever is happening. If they’re unhealed, it has nothing to do with you personally. They’re playing out until they heal it. They’re playing out their experiences.
Irene, it’s interesting. I went into it to heal the mudslide. In some of the trauma work, what comes out is stuff from your early childhood and you’re like, “Where’s that coming from?” What a gift it is to heal that. You want to learn and grow.
You’re like unburdening yourself.
It is, and you do have a different perspective. I’m more empathetic and compassionate when I see people behave in a certain way going, “I wonder what happened to them.” You don’t know what that backstory is but people don’t intentionally wake up in the morning saying, “I want to be a jerk.” They don’t.
People don’t intentionally wake up in the morning saying, 'I want to be a jerk.' Share on X
Staying Present And Remain In The Moment
Tell me what is the Kim tip for finding joy in life.
The Kim tip is, try to just stay present. Be present. Stay in the moment. Don’t future escape from everything that should happen and don’t think back or have many regrets. It’s a waste of time. The biggest gift is to be in the moment. Be grateful for what you have and just try to be as grounded and present as you can be.
Episode Wrap-up And Closing Words
That’s beautiful. Thank you, Kim. As we close, I’d like to reflect on a very moving passage from your extraordinary book, Where Yellow Flowers Bloom: A True Story of Hope Through Unimaginable Loss. “I like to think that Dave and Jack are around Lauren and me all the time simply at a frequency I can’t see. I imagine them as two guardian angels watching over us. I celebrate the lives and I am grateful for the love we shared. I honored their lives by how I live out mine.”
Kim, your journey is not only one of survival but of soulful transformation, a life now richer in meaning, connection and grace. Thank you for so generously sharing your strength, your insights and your heart, with the Grief and Rebirth Community. From my heart, I wish you warmest blessings. Thank you so much.
Thank you. It’s been an honor.
Guest Links
- Kim Cantin
- Connect with Kim Cantin on Facebook and Instagram
- Where Yellow Flowers Bloom: A Journey of Hope Through Unimaginable Loss
- OneLegacy
- Teens On The Scene
- The Body Keeps the Score
About Kim Cantin
Kim Cantin is a symbol of resilience, having survived the 2018 Montecito mudslides that claimed 23 lives, including her husband and son, and left her daughter buried alive. Driven by a fierce determination to thrive, Kim’s five-time award-winning memoir, “Where Yellow Flowers Bloom”, tells her journey of healing, miraculous moments, and the power of love.
Her story has become a beacon of hope, inspiring many. Kim has shared her message on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show”, in Rob Lowe’s documentary “Madness in the Hills”, and in Reebok Founder Joe Foster’s book “How to Survive and Thrive”. She continues speaking to large audiences and podcast listeners, supporting those facing struggles.
Formerly a medical device industry executive, Kim serves on the board of directors for OneLegacy, supporting organ, tissue, and eye donation. She lives in Southern California with her daughter and two dogs, embodying perseverance and love.
