I Thought My Son’s Murder Was the End Until Signs Began to Come
Murder became the devastating catalyst that set this entire journey into motion. Guest Jackie Rubio, author of From Murder to Messages: A Mother’s Journey Through Darkness to Light After Tragic Loss, joins the show to recount her harrowing journey through the murder of her son, Devin, and the systemic failures that followed. A recovering alcoholic who navigated years of childhood trauma and addiction, Jackie transformed her unimaginable grief into a lifeline of service through Reiki, quantum healing, and automatic writing. By sharing the unmistakable signs and channeled messages she received from Devin, she offers a fierce, authentic testament to the fact that love does not vanish when life becomes unbearable. Her story stands as powerful proof that even when a soul is shattered by betrayal and loss, it is possible to rise again with a renewed connection to a light that transcends the hurt.
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THINGS LIKE:
- How a mother navigated the devastating tragedy of her son’s murder and the subsequent loss of contact with her grandson.
- The role of the church and external stability in the life of a young man growing up in a chaotic home.
- How systemic legal failures and mental health struggles can complicate custody battles and lead to violent outcomes.
- The use of spiritual modalities like Reiki and quantum healing to provide peace during the “pure hell” of deep grief.
- The process of rebuilding a relationship with a child through sobriety and the healing that continues after they have passed.
- The concept of automatic writing as a tool for receiving channeled messages and guidance from the other side.
SOME QUESTIONS IRENE ASKS JACKIE:
- Share with us the kind of kid and the kind of man Devin was, including the heartwarming story of his first job and how loved he was by everyone who knew him.
- For our audience who do not know your story yet, because they have not gotten your book yet, how would you describe your ex-wife?
- Can you explain the circumstances that led to his life being taken?
- What would you like to tell everyone about your book?
- What brought you to Reiki, quantum healing, intuitive abilities, automatic writing, and energy work during this deepest grief?
- How did these practices help you, and how did you stay sober through all this, with what was going on with you?
- How did this transform your family?
- How do you use this stuff to help people?
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I Thought My Son’s Murder Was the End Until Signs Began to Come
I am speaking to you from my studio in West Orange, New Jersey, and I could not be more delighted to welcome Jackie Rubio, whose path into Reiki, quantum healing, intuitive work, automatic writing, and energy practices was born from survival. Jackie has endured what most of us cannot begin to comprehend. The murder of her son Devin, the devastating failure of the systems meant to protect her, and the heartbreaking loss of her grandson. As a recovering alcoholic and single mother, Jackie knows what it means to be broken open by life, but she also knows something deeper.
Love does not vanish when life becomes unbearable. The bonds we share, whether with those still here or those who have crossed over, continue to reach for us, guide us, and refuse to let us go. What is truly extraordinary about Jackie is how she has chosen healing, growth, and helping others to navigate their own storms with the fierce compassion she learned to offer herself.
Through her book, FROM MURDER TO MESSAGES: A MOTHER’S JOURNEY THROUGH DARKNESS TO LIGHT AFTER TRAGIC LOSS, Jackie has reached out to anyone who has ever felt shattered, betrayed, or alone, standing as proof that even when life tries to break you, you can rise again with laughter, with love, and with a connection to something larger than the hurt. Even in the darkest moments, there is a path back to the light. I am looking forward to talking with Jackie. She is joining us from Oregon to share her heartbreaking story about how her beloved Devin’s life was taken by his ex-wife and the extraordinary spiritual path that followed.
We will explore how Reiki, quantum healing, intuitive abilities, automatic writing, and energy work became Jackie’s lifeline through unimaginable loss. How Devin showed Jackie unmistakably that life continues beyond death. The powerful sign Jackie received from Devin during the week his murderer was set to stand trial, and more for what is surely going to be a tender, uplifting reminder that while grief changes us forever, love never ends.
Jackie, a warm heartfelt welcome to the show.
Thank you so much. What an introduction. I am so honored to be here, and I am just so glad to be able to share the story of my son, to share Devin’s life with you guys, and also the pathway to getting through some of the most unimaginable hurt and pain that you can go through.
What you have been through and how you have gone through it and survived it is so remarkable. I really want to share you with everyone because people get so caught up in their dramas and what is going on, and look at what you dealt with. Instead of sinking and staying stuck, you started reaching out and learning things to help yourself, which is just amazing. You had other issues, too, that you dealt with. I want to share with you, everyone. You are a very inspiring girl. I appreciate you. To begin, how about you share with us the kind of kid and the kind of man Devin was, including the heartwarming story of his first job and how loved he was by everyone who knew him.
A Gentle Giant: The Character of Devin
I love this. Thank you so much for the opportunity to do this. Devin was six feet four. He was incredibly handsome, but he was very shy. He is, I would say, based on social anxiety for sure. Though he was not a real outgoing kid, everybody just loved him. He was so helpful. He was actually really devoted to the church, and he just always wanted to be with the pastor and the pastor’s wife and the youth pastor and the youth pastor’s wife. Unfortunately, we just were not that kind of family. I was an excessive drinker throughout a lot of Devin’s lifetime.
We had four children altogether, and it was loud. It was chaotic. I did not have a lot of parental skills. Devin was constantly looking for that stability outside of our home. He was delightful. I would always get complimented on how polite he was. You can imagine being six foot four and being presence-wise intimidating, but just having this mouth that only spoke, “Yes, ma’am,” “Thank you, sir.” He was just so polite. I still hear to this day sometimes, “That Devin, since he was just a young boy, was always so polite.” It was his demeanor. He was very devoted to the church. He followed all the rules of the church.
Which denomination were you a part of?
Actually, the kids grew up, I was in the Church of Christ for a while, but then we went to a more, it is Calvary Chapel Church, where they were allowed to have music and worship music. I feel like we all fit in quite a bit better there. Devin was in the youth group there. That is actually in middle school where he met his wife, in the youth group. He just was not a drinker. He was the complete opposite of me. He did not drink, and he did not smoke pot.
He just literally wanted to pay his taxes, have a 401(k), get married, and have a child. From a very early age, this is just who my son was. I tell the story. He and my niece were probably three and four. She had the baby in the stroller, and they would walk around, and he would have his arm around her. People in the neighborhood would ask what they were doing, and he would say, “This is my wife, and we are taking my daughter for a walk. I just got out of work.” It is just who he was. He just wanted to be a husband and a father his whole life.
I have to have a good story about his first job.
This is interesting. He did struggle in school a little bit, especially in high school. He had a real issue with mathematics. It was really tough on him. He was not getting the credits he needed, and he went into a youth corps environment where he was getting special training, getting his GED, and getting certificates. He was eighteen years old. He got hired straight out of that program to be the janitor at the school district of the little town that we lived in. It was so interesting. All the little kids loved him so much. He would actually, on his break at school, go into their classrooms and do the reading for them.
On the first day of his job, we lived about five miles from the school. He was going to ride his bike, and he got less than a mile down the road when his bike had a flat tire, and he walked the rest of the way to work. The principal got there, and he was sitting on the steps. He was still the first person there to go in for his job. He was really well-loved. There is an article written about him. They had a special graduation ceremony for him.
All the children who were at the school attended the auditorium, and they gave him a cap and a gown. The reason why he had to ride his bike was that he had actually had an accident in the little pickup he drove, and the doors were ripped off. He was trying to save money to put new doors on this pickup. The principal and the superintendent of the school bought him new doors for his pickup. It is incredible. There was a big article in the town where we lived written about him. I just hope that it just kind of shows a light on who he was.
How wonderful he was. My God. For our audience who do not know your story yet, because they have not gotten your book yet, how would you describe your ex-wife? I know you met him in school. Can you explain the circumstances that led to his life being taken?
The Controlling Marriage and Behavioral Shifts
He met his ex-wife in middle school in a youth group. I believe she was two years younger than him. When he was 18, 19, or 20 and she was 17, 18, or 19, they entered into more of a romantic relationship. He was very devoted to the church, so he had saved himself for marriage. They had a wedding at my house, actually. Very shortly after, she became pregnant with my grandson.
It was an immediate behavior change. She no longer would allow my son to sleep in the room with her. When the baby was born, she would not let him be around the baby very much. She said, “You have nightmares; you are going to hurt the baby.” He slept downstairs on the couch. We were not allowed to spend any time with the baby. She called the shots, which is interesting because she was literally, I do not even think she was five feet tall. She called the shots. She was very controlling.
She is a very narrow-minded, controlling person.
Yes, extremely. It reached the point of being unhealthy. There was so much childhood trauma that was leading into her as a parent. The marriage did not last very long, unfortunately. That was devastating to Devin because he had morals. Shortly after, she literally threw him out. He did not want the divorce, he did not want the separation, and he did not know what to do. She actually entered into a same-sex relationship, which really confused Devin because they had gone to church together. He thought they had the same values.
She breastfed my grandson until he was three and a half. In the state of Oregon, my son was not allowed overnight visits. She still had so much control over the time he spent with my grandson and how he could be a father and a parent. He had to fight for basic rights for my grandson from the very beginning. He did. I am really proud of him for that because our court systems and mothers can make it very difficult for fathers to have just the basic rights to their children.
It takes a lot to stand up to that. Unfortunately, that is what ended his life. His desire to continue to fight for my grandson and to go against her controlling behavior, as far as how much time he could spend with my grandson. He had to deal with my grandson having two moms. He had two women who were very much in control of how he was raised and where he went.
You are saying two moms, the mother and her mother?
No, the mother and her relationship. At that point, it was her fiancé. He had to deal with two moms who were very controlling over how this child, his son, was raised, where he could go, and when Devin could have him. He had the minimum amount of visitations that you could get. We just could not afford an attorney. We could not afford it through the divorce and things like that. It was heartbreaking. It was very unfair. Devin did his very best. He was actually a really good dad. Of course he was. It is all he wanted his entire life.
Did he come to her door one day? What exactly happened?
What happened was that she started taking Devin’s visits away. He would go to pick up my grandson, and she just would not be there. He decided to get the police involved and initiate the paperwork that he had his rights. That turned into really terrible allegations. She just said the worst things about him. By this point in time, Devin had met another woman. He had a fiancée with whom he lived, whom he was engaged to.
She said things that were said, like he threw him down five flights of stairs or put a gun to his head. These were things that were easy to prove were not happening because you just cannot throw a kid down five flights without some physical bruising on the child’s body. She also had this poor child at the doctor’s every single day. She had him diagnosed with some really odd, terrible disease, and that meant that he could not run, play, or have recess.
It sounds like she is a very mentally ill person.
The Fight for Fatherhood and Protective Measures
I feel like that is exactly what it was. Devin had to go through all these horrible investigations, and he did. I just wish people could understand how upright this child is. He was so calm and methodical and just did everything that was asked of him and then some. I know that they had to spend their wedding savings to hire a custody attorney, and he just kept fighting her, not in a nasty way, either. Just as calm, he took a second job, paid for an attorney, and went to every court date.
What happened was they overturned all of what she said. They said there is just no proof of this. At that point, it sort of alerted law enforcement and the DHS that something was not right with this woman, and there was some coaching involved, with the child saying things that obviously are not true. They scrutinized her, and then Devin filed for full custody. That was what did it. He filed for full custody, and financially, I think she was struggling to keep an attorney because every time we would go to court, it had to get postponed because she did not have an attorney anymore.
She had to get a new attorney. We reached the point where she continued to make some allegations. He would ask her to please meet him at the police station because he wanted to protect himself, and she would never do it. He put a dash cam in his car. That way, he could go safely, pick up my grandson, and she could not say he did anything. He was always so careful. He would always bring somebody else because he told me, “Mom, Paige bought a gun. I am honestly afraid she is crazy enough to shoot me.”
He was bringing people. His fiancé or his fiancé’s sister would come with him, mostly, or her mother, to pick up Grayson, and he would park in a manner where the camera would roll. Everything got picked up right at the front door. Nothing could get blown out of proportion or said. You have to understand that this child barely had a speeding ticket.
He absolutely never had one ounce of domestic violence or raised his voice to any of them. He just was not that kind of boy. He was protecting himself. We come to December 16th of 2022, and all of the court stuff had been overturned. He had his visits back with my grandson. I was making plans to come be with them. His fiancée and I are on the phone together. It is just joyful.
He had full custody?
December 16th: The Day of the Murder
No, we were in court at that point. We were still in court, still trying to receive full custody, still trying to go to court over it. Everything was just really joyful at this point. It had been almost a full year of this. It was like the clouds parted, the sun was out, it’s Christmas, it’s just a beautiful time of year. His fiancée and I were on the phone making all these plans. About ten minutes later, she called me back, and she said, “Have you heard from your son today?”
I said, “I assumed he was with you.” She said, “No, it is his weekend to pick up Grayson, and he went to pick him up.” I said, “By himself?” and she said, “Yeah, he did not want Mom and our Christmas shopping trip to get postponed.” I was like, “No, he called earlier, but I was outside feeding the animals, so I did not get it.” She said, “Okay.” Maybe five minutes later, she called. She was screaming bloody murder, and she was crying, and she was in hysterics. She said that someone called her and said that Paige shot Devin and that he is dead.
I live three and a half hours away from where he was picking up my grandson. I told her to shut up. I said that Devin is the least amount of drama of a child you have ever encountered. I said someone is just starting drama right now, nine days before Christmas. She said, “No, somebody said that Paige is incarcerated, that there was a conflict.”
I kept calling the police, and I kept calling the hospitals, and I just could not get any concrete answer. Nobody would talk to me. Nobody would answer me. I started driving, and I was maybe 40 minutes into the drive and there is ice on, it is nighttime, there is ice on the road, and it was dark. I did receive a phone call from my nephew confirming that she had shot and killed him.
My God, how devastating.
It was just absolutely devastating. He had pulled up the way that he always did with the camera rolling and knocked on the door, and she opened the door, and there were no words. There was no tussle, nothing. She shot him. She shot him right in the heart. The district attorney said that it would be a kill shot, but he continued to fight, not her, but to try to protect himself. He had shots in his hands. He ended up receiving nine shots. Even later on a 911 call, they could still continue to pick up the shots being fired. My grandson was in the home, and he was seven years old at the time. That is it. That is the last time I saw my son. That is the last time.
The court system supported her mother raising your grandson, and you do not have any contact with him. How sad.
I have no contact with my grandson now. The story was for a while that Devin was being violent and tried to kick in the door, and that she was protecting herself. That my grandson, seven years old, is gifted, he is in a gifted class, that he is in the bathtub, and did not know that his father was shot and killed. None of that was true, but she had full custody, and she is innocent until proven guilty. DHS would not step in.
We can leave it there, but that is very sad and surprises me about the state of Oregon because you would think they would be a little more enlightened and progressive about people with mental problems and all that jazz. I digress. Let us go to your book that talks about From Murder to Messages. My goodness. A book born from pain and purpose. It offers a hand to anyone who, like you, felt shattered, betrayed, or alone. You remind readers that no matter how far they fall, love will find them. Even in the darkest moments, there is always a path back to the light. What would you like to tell everyone about your book?
From Murder to Messages: Writing Through Pain
I just want to say that the title of the book is exactly what it is. It is From Murder to Messages. There are a lot of key aspects about me and my personal life, my childhood, how I continue to carry those patterns over, my alcoholism, and my addictions. I know how I raised my children. The book has a lot of it. It is like how I made it.
How honest and authentic you are. It is really admirable. This is who I was. This is what was going on.
I really wanted to make people understand the relationship issue I had with my son. I would love to sit here and say, “We had the greatest relationship in the entire world.” No. I was an alcoholic. He wanted to get away. He did not want to live in our home. It was tumultuous for him. When he died, I had been sober about two and a half years, and I was working very hard to rebuild my relationship with him. He had his boundaries. I know he loved me, but if I was drinking or my life was in chaos, I could not come around. He would not even take phone calls or any of that.
I was working very hard to have that relationship with him. We were really getting there. We were really rebuilding. I actually moved from Texas back to Oregon and was able to provide some financial assistance for an attorney and live about two and a half or three hours away from him so that I could go into that courtroom with him, so he could have support. We were getting there. It was really beautiful. We were really getting there, and he was willing to do the work, too to have that relationship with his mom. It meant so much to me.
That is another thing in a way, because you did that even, and he is on the other side now. You had some closure because your relationship was solid. It was not like you were not talking to him, and all this happened.
We were working hard on it. I wrote the book. Devin showed me the book in my mind’s eye. I started about a year after he passed. I was seeing the cover of the book, and he was so sweet. He even put a New York Times bestseller sticker on it. I did not get that yet, but I did get an Amazon bestseller.
Good for you.
He showed me the cover of the book. He showed me some paragraphs that I knew were going to need to be put in the book. It is hard to write your experience and to get into the weeds of my relationship with him and who I was as a mother. The first part was really hard, but then I got to share. I got to share all these beautiful people and all these beautiful things that happened on my path that helped me get through it. I got to share this awakening, this knowledge that Devin has brought to me that there is life after death, that the things I thought about death or the things I thought about religion or hell or any of that, he was able to show me.
You literally channel him now. He really just comes right into you.
Yes. Mostly with automatic writing. You have a question coming up that I would love to be able to answer.
What brought you to Reiki, quantum healing, intuitive abilities, automatic writing, and energy work during this deepest grief? How did these practices help you, and how did you stay sober through all this, with what was going on with you? Is that part of the way you coped with it, by getting into this so that you did not fall back on your old support?
One of the first phone calls I made when Devon died was to my alcoholic sponsor, and she was also a therapist. I was so scared that I was going to relapse. I was so scared that I was going to drink. I have three surviving children, and this was hard on them. It was the most horrible circumstances ever. I did not want to let them down. I did not want to be a burden on them or go back into alcohol. I instantly went to some meetings. Even though my son had just been shot and killed, I was sitting in an AA meeting because I was so afraid of relapsing.
That was a huge thing in my mind. I cannot drink. If I drink, I will die. If I drink, I will put my kids through worse than they are already going through right now. I also think that there was this strange finality to the guilt that I had, the way that I had raised him, and the mistakes that I had made. I just wanted to somehow show him, wherever he is, that I am going to stay strong for you. I am not going to be that mother ever again. It really drove me.
Spirit Connection: I just wanted to somehow show him, wherever he is, that I am going to stay strong for you.
In a way, it was a way to honor him because that part of you really bothered him, and now you were healing it. What a way to honor him. What brought you to all these healing modalities? What began to happen for you with that?
Finding Reiki: A Lifeline in the Dark
About eight months after he passed, I do not know how I found a medium named Suzanne Giesemann. I just started. I did not even believe in mediumship, and I did not even believe in a lot of the spirituality pieces. I was not exactly spiritual when he passed. I found that she was going to do a cruise, and I was really compelled to sign up for this cruise. In the process of that, I got a roommate, somebody I did not know, to share expenses with.
It was the first time I met the people from Helping Parents Heal. It was a grief cruise. There were 550 people on the cruise for her Awakening Way cruise. The roommate that I had was a facilitator for Helping Parents Heal, and she was a Reiki person. In the process of sharing a cabin space with her, she gave me Reiki. I have to tell you that in eight months of just pure hell that I had been in, it was the first time I had felt any peace or just a respite from all of that. It was about 20 or 30 minutes.
I thought to myself, “I do not know what this is, but I am going to learn this.” I want to do this for other parents, other moms, because I just know how horrible and miserable I was and how this literally just gave me my first peace. It is like I took a breath for the first time in eight months and breathed out, and my shoulders relaxed. Nothing had stopped my grief immediately, but there was certainly something in that. I felt really connected to my son during that session and on the cruise. That is a really big part of my story.
It felt like I took my first full breath in eight months—my shoulders relaxed. My grief didn’t disappear, but something shifted in that moment. Share on X
He was with you. How wonderful. He must have gotten a great reading. He must have come through Suzanne like gangbusters.
This is even better. She has such an incredible left-brain story, and I trusted her background. She was a Navy officer and married to a captain of the Navy. All these things made me feel more trusting. She has a five-year lady list. We are on the cruise, and everybody gets to stand in line. She likes to shake everyone’s hand and meet them.
I was standing, and I met her and shook her hand, and she said, “I am supposed to give you a reading.” She said, “Do not tell anybody,” which I wrote in my book, so everybody knows Suzanne Giesemann gave me a special reading. She told me to go to her assistant. Her assistant said, “It is going to be quite a while.” Two weeks later, she called me to set up the reading.
He was talking to her.
It was not even just that I had a reading. It was the fact of what happened in the circumstances for her to give me the reading.
No coincidences. It was all meant to be. You were supposed to do that, including the roommate you got.
I do not think I could have gotten a reading from any other medium that would have meant as much as it did from her due to her background.
I do the big introduction because I want people to respect who you are and your background. That made you respect her for what you needed, which made you respect and trust her. What did it feel like to receive that reading? She must have come through with amazing validation.
Validations: The Coffee Pot and Current Events
She came through with a lot of amazing validation. I have to admit, I was in quite a bit of grief. We are having the reading, and she is saying things that I am not sure about at that point. Later, I was like, “You are right.” I will email you back and say, “Yeah, I remember this. I remember that.” The best thing that I got was that I had three questions that were in my mind, and she answered all three of them without me asking. My son knew what his mom needed to be okay after that reading.
I was really nervous about the reading. I come from a bit of a religious background, and that is like devil worship at some point. I was really nervous and really torn about having the reading. I had spilled almost an entire pot of coffee that morning. I was pouring myself a cup of coffee, and I was so nervous and shook that I spilled the cup and dropped the pot. She asked Devin to give her some current events, and he said, “I see my mom wiping coffee up off a counter.”
Also, she gave me some incredible things that were undeniable. He showed her I had his car, and he showed me driving his car, and that he was with me while I was driving the car. I had had some incredible communication with him that I did not know was communication. I just thought I was grieving and making things up in the car. He showed her that I was eating pizza the night before.
Is there some piece of wisdom that he gave you or a sign or support that helped you with this as you were beginning to move from all this grief and hurt to some rebirth and hope? Is there some wisdom he transmitted to you?
The biggest wisdom that I got was that he is not gone. He is not gone. He continued to reiterate that every chance he could and every sign that he could, that he is still right with me and that he loves me. All that guilt and all that shame and all that I had gone through trying to be that boy’s mother, he can come back, and he can tell me that. He knows everything I have ever done now, and he forgives me, and he loves me.
You got the whole life review.
He wants to still be with me. People ask me how I stayed sober. That was a lot of how I stayed sober because that is the best way to get out of guilt and get out of shame. Having someone, that first year was rough. He was judgmental, and he had his boundaries. For him to come back and say, “Mom, I see it all. I see what you went through.”
Now he started to understand it. How did this help you to become a better parent to your other surviving children? Knowing that Devin gave you the proof of survival, you were working your way through alcoholism, you were working your way through grief, and you were healing through these modalities you found. How did this transform your family? What do you have today from all of this?
Mending the Family Tree
One of the most amazing gifts that Devin gave me is my daughter, and we were estranged. She was estranged from our whole family. After Devin died, she came back, and we have been able to work through it. We are so close now. There is a lot of healing that has taken place, and I am extremely close to all my children. I live on 20 acres in Eastern Oregon, and all the kids live here. All my children live here. We have different houses, but they all live here.
I did not imagine that I would ever be able to mend my relationship with them. I know that they support me. They see how supportive I am of others, how helpful I am, and how my energy and my abilities have developed. They might not always understand things, but they are very open to it, and they are very loving and supportive of me. It has made a huge difference in my relationship with my surviving kids.
That is great. You are actually giving them tools for their own lives with your knowledge about spirituality. Someone comes to you, and they need some healing. They are going through tremendous grief, and you have the use of Reiki, intuitive channeling, and the lessons you have learned arising through grief to help people move through trauma and spiritual awakening. How do you use this stuff to help people? What is it like when someone comes to you, and they are devastated like you were?
I have always had intuitive abilities. I came from a really traumatic childhood with a lot of sexual abuse and physical abuse. I was really hyper-vigilant about how to survive and how to stay safe. I was a teen mom, and I was addicted to meth for a while. I was a drinker. I covered it. What I noticed is that now I was such an empath, and I had no idea. I felt what everybody else feels. I did not know how to protect myself. I did not know how to keep my energy clear of other people. Now that I have been able to learn that and do that, I can just hear. Devin cracks me up. He was never very into drama, but he loved our small town and our small town drama.
He would call me, “Ma, you are not going to believe this,” and he would tell me stuff. When I have people who would like a Reiki session or healing session of some kind, oftentimes it is best to start with some psychic work because we have to untangle if they are at a crossroads and they are just so mixed up. If you can help somebody see their paths a little more clearly, then that will relax them enough to actually be able to lie still and get an energy healing session. If they come to me and they have romantic issues and they do not know what to do, Devin is right here.
If you can help someone see their path more clearly, they may relax enough to receive healing. Share on X
He is the one who will tell me, oftentimes, he will show me if this is a good partnership or something like that. I had a girlfriend ask me about a man that she was dating, and I heard my son as loud and clear as you can say, “I have to check his credit mark.” That is part of it. I have suffered this deep loss, and because I have lived this path, I literally have no judgment. I have no judgment against anybody and their life circumstance or what they are going through. I have a lot of empathy. I do not want to tell anybody what to do in a psychic session. All I really want to do is show them that they are so powerful, that they are a soul.
You give them the psychic message. You also use Reiki, which is a form of energy healing work that goes into the cells. How does Reiki work exactly to do that? You teach them automatic writing.
Yes. Reiki for me is a vibrational healing. You can be hands-on or hands-off, and you use vibration. It is a lot, really good for the physical body. It is really good for the layers, the auric layers. It is also a frequency. I also have learned how to do quantum healings. Quantum healing is more of a light healing, so it heals faster. It heals at the speed of light.
These are just some really powerful things that you can use to help somebody all the way around. You can help them with their life questions and what is right in front of them. You can help heal their physical body. You can help heal the layers of their body. You can take them to the quantum field, where you will find the root of the problem and heal it at the speed of light. Those are the three.
Devin always comes into my healing sessions and my Reiki sessions. He cracks me up. I did not know what was happening at first. I just thought I was losing my mind, but he shows up. He shows me he is in a work vest and a hard hat, and he has his work boots on. Oftentimes, because I do give a lot of other moms sessions, it is just where my heart is. It is why I got started doing it.
You are paying it forward.
Oftentimes, he will bring their child in. I will also see their child in the healing, and they can connect to their child during their healing as well. Sometimes, I notice in a Reiki session, he will show me he is just leaning on the shovel. He says, “You got it, mom.”
I am very curious. What was the message he gave you during the time the trial was scheduled? Was there not a really significant message he passed to you at that point?
I had had a mediumship reading, and I had some experiences with him, but I still just was not 100% on board and understanding what a sign is and what it means. This was a really hard time for me. We are getting ready to start the trial. We are in court. I have to look at the woman. I have been in court for my grandson. I had to look at the woman who murdered my son and hear her say bad things about me as a mother while I was just trying to see my grandson.
The “MA” Sign: Validation During the Trial
It was a really tough time. I am not really sure how I survived it all, but I was with a couple of my friends, and we were going on a walk to a really beautiful scene in Central Oregon. I was walking on the pavement, and they were quite a bit in front of me. I was just beaten up, and I was just sad, and my heart just hurt. I said out loud for some reason, “I love you, Devin.” It was so odd. I saw this little stick on the cement, and I stopped, and I looked at the stick, and it just made me think of Devin, which is very odd.
Why does the stick make you think of somebody? I literally took one step, and my eyes were still on the ground. In the cement, somebody had written in the cement when it was wet. A heart with an arrow through it and the word “Ma.” Devin calls me “Ma.” I am not “Mom,” I am not “Mommy,””Ma, Ma, Ma.” He even came through Suzanne Giesemann and was like, “Ma. My Ma.” With this enunciation that only he had, there it was, just written right there, carved in. Why would a log make me say I love you to Devin?
That is not an accident. There you were during that time. He was letting you know he was with you and it was going to be okay. That is fantastic. I want to talk to you about healing. What is your message about the importance of healing and choosing light over hatred? You could have really drowned in hatred over this.
I could have. I feel like the fact that I am an alcoholic has a lot to do with why I had to move past hatred and why I have to move past bitterness. As an alcoholic, your number one threat to drink again or have a relapse is anger and bitterness. We work those steps, and we do that program to get rid of those things so that we do not have that, because that is what the number one offense is for you to re-drink. I had to take those same concepts, and I wanted to stay sober so badly that I was willing to use those on the hatred and the bitterness of a woman who murdered my son, and her mother, who took my grandson. I am not perfect at it.
As an alcoholic, your number one threat to drink again or have a relapse is anger and bitterness. Share on X
These are for people to hear this and think they have problems that are absolutely valid, and things are going through. If Jackie could get through this, you can get through what is going on with you to keep the faith.
I say it loudly and boldly, “If I can stay sober through all of this, then anybody who is trying to get off of drugs or alcohol can do it.”
You can help them with the modalities that you know. Do you have a program offering or something you would like to share with our audience?
I have a Facebook group I love, it is Light After Darkness. Once a month, I get on the group, and we do free healings, free Reiki, free quantum healing, and sometimes some free psychic questions and Q&A. We go over questions people have from reading the book, and that is completely free. I really enjoy doing it. It’s one of my favorite things. I do not even get done doing one before I’m already like starting to think about what would be.
You’re helping people feels wonderful.
That is something I really enjoyed doing. That’s completely free. Your audience can definitely have ten percent off any of my offerings. I do quantum Reiki. I also teach people automatic writing and provide the space for them to hear from their own guides. That is important to me. I do not think that anyone needs to depend on me or anyone else to tell them what their loved ones or their guides think. I feel like they just might need some help opening up to that. I have a sliding fee scale and will always offer a healing to any parents who have lost a child.
No one needs to depend on someone else to tell them what their loved ones or guides think—they may just need help opening up to it. Share on X
There will be links to all of this so that you can connect with Jackie easily. What is Jackie’s tip for finding joy in life again, even after such profound loss? If you could find joy again, anybody can.
At the beginning, after my son was murdered and my grandson was being taken from me, and every skeleton in my closet was brought out for anybody and everybody to know about, there was just nothing good. I had to be willing to really take the small things and live moment to moment. I was in such darkness that a flower growing through a crack in the cement really meant something to me. It really brought a little light and a little piece of beauty to me.
I find joy because I allow myself to see it in the smallest things. It has been over three years, and I have joy in my life. I was sitting on the back porch yesterday. I have a little miniature pig, and she brings me joy. We have chickens, and I was sitting on the porch, and I saw my pig and my other grandson out there, and I was like, “This is it, this is joy.”
This is joy. That is absolutely true. Jackie, in closing, I want to share this very wise and wonderful quote from your book, From Murder to Messages, with our Grief and Rebirth podcast audience.
“What I want most is for you to know this. Your loved ones are not gone. Your spirit team has never left you, even if you are never aware that they exist, even when you are screaming, even when you are spiraling. Even when you feel like you can no longer go on, they are still with you. They are still loving you. They are still guiding you. They will use anything, your belief system, your doubt, your heartbreak, your weirdest dreams, to show you that love continues on.”
Jackie, you are living proof that even when life tries to break you, you can rise again with laughter, with love, and with a connection to something larger than the hurt. Your message is simple and powerful. No matter how far you have fallen, love will find you. Even in life’s darkest moments, there is always a path back to the light. Thank you from my heart for sharing your extraordinary story and wisdom with us. I wish you truly abundant blessings always.
Thank you.
I always like to say “to be continued.”
Yes.
Bye for now.
Guest’s Links:
- Jackie Rubio
- FROM MURDER TO MESSAGES: A MOTHER’S JOURNEY THROUGH DARKNESS TO LIGHT AFTER TRAGIC LOSS – Amaron
- Helping Parents Heal
- Light After Darkness on Facebook
- Jackie Suzanne on Beacons AI
About Jackie Rubio
Jackie Suzanne Rubio has been through hell—and somehow, she’s still standing. She’s faced the murder of her son, Devyne, the betrayal of court systems that failed her, and the gut-wrenching loss of contact with her grandson. Life has thrown the worst at her, over and over, and yet here she is—fierce, loving, compassionate, and still kicking.
She knows firsthand that life is messy, unfair, and sometimes downright cruel. She’s a recovering alcoholic, a single mother, and a woman who has stumbled, screamed, cried, and yes, cussed her way through the chaos. But she’s also learned something powerful: love doesn’t care how broken or lost you are. Your connections with the people you care about—dead or alive—will find a way to reach you, no matter what.
Jackie’s story isn’t about perfection. She’ll throw a fit in traffic, swear like a sailor, and sometimes feel like the world is against her—but she also wakes up every day ready to heal, to grow, and to help others walk through their own hell. She does it with bold honesty, in-your-face energy, and a whole lot of heart, showing readers that even when life is messy and chaotic, love, guidance, and connection are never out of reach.
Her journey led her into Reiki, quantum healing, intuitive abilities, automatic writing, and energy work—not as a hobby, but as a lifeline, a way to navigate the impossible, and a way to show others that connection, hope, and love are always possible. Jackie teaches people to trust their intuition, embrace the messiness of life, and open themselves to guidance that can’t be ignored. She does it with fierce honesty and bold energy, but always from a place of deep compassion and unwavering love—her no-nonsense approach is her way of holding space, showing up fully, and letting people know they are never alone, no matter how hard life hits.
Through From Murder to Messages, Jackie holds out her hand and says, “I know grief. I know loss. I know betrayal. And I’ll walk with you anyway.” Her life is proof that even when the world tries to break you, you can rise, laugh, love, and live fully. She shows that no matter how far down the scale you’ve fallen, love and connection always find a way—and that even in the darkest moments, there’s a hand ready to guide you back to the light.
