Toxic masculinity doesn’t just hurt others—it holds men back from living fully and authentically. Breakthrough coach Bryan May joins to dismantle the rigid “alpha bro” mindset and the cultural programming that teaches men to disconnect from their emotions. From surviving profound personal loss to leading men through spiritual healing and emotional reprogramming, Bryan shares hard-won insights on healing, vulnerability, and transformation. Learn how real strength comes from courage, awareness, and the willingness to drop the outdated beliefs that no longer serve.
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THINGS LIKE:
- Why toxic masculinity is a form of emotional protection
- How men can release rigid “alpha bro” programming
- The psychology behind limiting beliefs and inherited trauma
- Why healing starts with unwiring, not just rewiring
- The spiritual and practical power of somatic healing
- How grief can become a gateway to growth and clarity
- Reframing confidence as the result of courage and repetition
- What internal family systems and timeline therapy reveal about patterns
- The myth of “manifesting” without grounded action
- The importance of showing up as your authentic self
SOME QUESTIONS IRENE ASKS BRYAN:
- What was the unexpected and heartbreaking turn your life took when you lost your beloved wife ?
- What were the self-improvement and healing modalities you explored that led you to healing and purpose?
- Tell us about this ‘alpha bro’ mindset. How do you help men overcome it?
- How do you combine coaching with metaphysical practices to assist your male clients to become the most authentic version of themselves?
- Can you give us an example of someone you’ve worked with whose life was transformed by learning to overcome rigid “alpha bro” mindsets?
- How do you help men to reframe their life’s difficulties, to turn adversity into opportunity?
- What types of tools and guidance do you provide to help men make lasting, meaningful change in their lives?
GRIEF AND REBIRTH LINKS
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The Toxic Myths Holding Men Back: Breaking Free from ‘Alpha Bro’ Beliefs
A Journey of Grief, Purpose & Healing
I hope this message finds each of you so very well. I’m speaking to you from my studio in West Orange, New Jersey. I could not be more delighted to have the pleasure of interviewing Bryan May, a highly respected breakthrough consultant whose personal journey through profound grief has led him to a life of deep purpose and healing. Bryan’s career began with extraordinary success in real estate where he sold over 300 homes of facilitated more than $250 million in transactions. In 2021, his life took an unexpected and heartbreaking turn when he lost his beloved wife, Devorah. He’s suddenly a single father.
Bryan left New York in search of healing and support which began a profound spiritual journey that reshaped his life. That journey didn’t just lead Bryan to healing. It led him to purpose with a mission to help men recognize that they are their price in their own lives. Bryan guides men through a transformative path of self-discovery, personal growth and true empowerment through his coaching programs and workshops. Bryan weaves together his sharp business acumen and deep spiritual wisdom helping men to transcend their limiting beliefs, achieve meaningful transformation and step fully into their most authentic selves.
I’m looking forward to a deeply moving conversation with Bryan who is joining us from Boca Raton, Florida about the daunting personal challenges he’s faced, the spiritual journey that reshaped his life, and the limiting beliefs and rigid alpha bro mindset he helps men overcome. Which, by the way, everyone, I love that. I want to hear all about how he helps men overcome alpha bro mindsets and how adversity can become a doorway to deep growth and more. For what will surely be and inspiring and uplifting interview about resilience and reinvention that you will not want to miss.
Bryan, a warm heartfelt welcome to the show.
Thank you so much. It’s been a pleasure getting to know you and just a beautiful intro. I appreciate you so much.
Thank you so much. I always say people, I love telling people who they are going to be getting know to. I want them to understand your expertise and I want them to understand that you have integrity and you’ve done your work. Let’s start from the beginning. You had this unexpected and heartbreaking turn in your life and in 2021, you lose your beloved wife. At some point, in your life, I know you also had a battle of Crohn’s disease. What would you like to tell us about all of that?
From Crohn’s to Career: An Unconventional Path
A long time ago like in 2010, I did get diagnosed with Crohn’s. I always thought something was going on. I was always a skinny guy. I had colon resection surgery. I had a big surgery. I was in the hospital for a week. They cut out a foot of my colon and intestines. I still take a certain medicine that I have to put in orange juice every day. In the morning, I’m always drinking orange juice. It’s a crazy thing.
I’ve been on the same medicine for a while now. Besides that, I’m on like an IV treatment. It taught me to be a fighter. It also led me in a weird direction because at that time, I couldn’t have a regular job. After college, I graduated with Business Information Systems. I was in charge of like a computer center for a big laboratory and I couldn’t do it because of the whole stomach thing.
You’re in a stressful job too that adds to the stomach thing.
I ended up going to a more stressful thing, which is real estate but it allowed me the freedom. It allowed me to jump around and do things. That was the first comeback that I’ve had. I basically did very well with real estate. It was probably a bunch of five years, give or take, then I opened up my own brokerage with partners. It’s been a crazy journey. Long story short, it’s a great story. I was in my office and we had workers. We had people and real estate agents.
One of the girls ended up forging a check. One of the girls in the front knew about it and she didn’t do anything. Basically, they had to be kicked out and I was dating very seriously at that time. This was like many years ago. It was in my mid-30s and I was dating with intention. We had to hire someone fast and the person that we hired was Devorah and that was the beginning. It’s funny because I was on the apps back in the day and all that stuff and I ended up meeting her in real life. It was just a beautiful thing.
As we would say in the Jewish world that we both belong to, “Certain things are per shared and they’re meant to be.” There she was right. The other thing I’m getting from what you’ve been through is you didn’t even know it that when you were starting your spiritual journey. You were forced from a very early age to accept things that you couldn’t control. There’s a certain acceptance like, “I’m sick. I don’t like this. I have to go through all of this.” Eventually, you lost Devorah. What would you like to tell us about that? How long were you married?
We met in 2015. She grew up in Crown Heights, so she grew up in a very religious area. We got married in 2016, and then she passed in ’21. My son Max was born in 2019, and she passed when he was one and a half. It was so crazy and so out of this world. I think I everyone grieves differently and that’s one of the more important things. You watch movies and what happens? They have the coffee cup. They hear about the thing. They dropped the coffee cup. They break down right in front of everyone and the scene is over. For me, it wasn’t like that at all. I was very numb. I was very like still doing stuff still. It was like this slow process of grief and just going through it in a totally different way.
Embracing Vulnerability: A Spiritual Awakening
I would tip my hat to, what led you to start exploring self-improvement, spirituality and healing modalities? A lot of men especially would never do that like opened myself up and be vulnerable and do this. Tell us that part.
I feel like I’ve always been a sensitive person like we spoke about. I was always connected to the Jewish religion. My grandparents were religious and I wasn’t always religious. It was one of those things that I just liked improving. I always was like, “This is a fun thing.” I get to test my boundaries. I get to see what’s out there. I like being vulnerable, doing inner work and looking in the mirror. Devorah and I had a beautiful trip to Sedona, Arizona.
That was probably the first real spiritual experience that we had. I love Sedona. I want to go back soon. I’d love to bring my son there. There’s no atheist in the foxhole, so when things happened, that’s when you turn to God and that’s when you turn to spirituality. That usually is like a light goes off. I tried many different things. I tried hypnosis, shamans, breath work and so many. I had a shrink and whatever it could be.
You did the traditional and the none. I followed the same path as you, Bryan, when my accident happened. I went to like transition coach. I was also going to energy healers. Where can I get some help? Bring it on.
A good friend of mine who’s a newer friend graduate with a Masters of PhD in Metaphysician. He also helped me, whether it EFT tapping and so many things. I got into IFS or internal family systems. I don’t know if you’re familiar with that.
Tell us a little bit about that.
IFS is a beautiful thing. I highly recommend it. What it is that you’re talking to your parts of your body as if you’re at a dinner table and you’re breaking things down. It’s like, where do you feel the sensation in your body. For me, I feel a lot of my chest. That’s seems to be the place for me and it’s like talking to that part of your chest and talking like, most of the time for people, it’s a form of protection. It’s like the ego. It’s trying to protect you. Something happened or someone made fun of you or something transpired and then this protection mechanism was activated. It’s no longer serving you and you have to figure out how to unwire it.
This whole process of healing is an unwired process. Everyone says rewire. It’s actually unwired. My son and anyone who has children, nieces, nephews or whatever, they’re great. It’s the fact that they’re adopting beliefs from other people and they think it’s real. The idea of triggering. A perfect example is, if I tell you your blue hair looks bad. There’s going to be nothing, but if I say something and you believe it’s true. That’s where the trigger takes place. You need to look in the mirror and say, “Why do that’s true? Is it true?” If it’s true, do I want to do something about it?
This whole healing process is an unwiring process. Share on X
That means there’s other ways that you can explore healing. Now, you went to all these healing modalities. They beat you to healing and to purpose. You even were able to connect with Devorah through a shaman. Were you conscious at the time that you were doing all this and building up your own knowledge about how you can help other people? Where you just in the experience and then one day, the light bulb went off and be like, “I’m getting relief. I’m reframing things differently?” When you connected with Devorah through a shaman, where there any special messages or anything that you got?
I always liked helping people. My background is pretty much business in Brooklyn. One of the things that I like to do is I always feel like business people need more spirituality and spiritual people need more business. It’s connecting it because I love talking about 45 the Abraham Hicks vibration. I could go down that path all day long but we’re in 3D. When I go to the store, I went to Publix. I had to pay for my groceries. We have to pay for gas. We have to do things in the 3D world. We have clothes, so yes.
If you’re two Abraham Hicksy, it doesn’t help in the real world. The other thing is, I don’t like the over happiness, the overjoy. Seeking joy doesn’t get you healed. It doesn’t mean that it’s bad or you shouldn’t see joy, but the pain is where the motivation and the growth happen. I’m very anti on a lot of these manifestation things on YouTube because no one out there can manifest the six pack or muscles. We have to concentrate on the 3D world because we’re here. That’s our job here. We have to incorporate and so it’s this happy balance.
Pain is where motivation and growth happen. Share on X
Balancing Fatherhood, Career & Healing
That’s right. Everything is a balance. Talk about balance. It’s a perfect segue into my next question. How did you balance being a father to your young son, maintain your professional career and start moving forward with personal healing? How does a person do that? They say, “Bryan, I have to wake up in the morning. I have all these responsibilities and things to do. I’m overwhelmed. How did you find balance with all of that?” You’re still also grieving your wife.
When I had this shaman experience and I had a few. The first time was with a shaman that I know in Florida, and it was a very good experience. I felt connected to Devorah. She wasn’t like talking to me or sending me messages per se, but I just felt her aura around me. I did something called Bufo. It’s a toad venom. You smoke it and it’s like DMT, if you’re familiar with DMT. Mike Tyson talks about it a lot. If you Google Mike Tyson bufo, you’re going to get cool Mike Tyson videos. It’s basically a near-death experience, which is something that you are a big fan of and you know a lot about.
I’ve experienced it.
With my background, most people think of tripping and stuff like that. It does do that initially but what it ends up happening is you go into like a whiteness. You just go into everything. You basically rebirth. That’s what it is. It’s a rebirth thing. First of all, I was on a beach in Florida. It was a beautiful day. It was me, three other guys, the shaman who was a woman and my shaman was there. He was one of the three guys. When I got out of it, the first thing I did was hug the tree, which is funny because they always call hippies tree huggers.
I literally hugged the tree because it was like coming off a roller coaster where you want to lay on the ground to know that you’re safe. If you can imagine the sun, I saw Devorah’s face as the sun. As I was coming out of it, which is like a fifteen-minute experience. I just started going from Devorah’s face to orange. Everything was starting to become orange and then I woke up. I hugged the tree. I ate some fruit. I went in the water. It was just an eye-opening experience.
I always knew there was more out there, but it was one of those things where I was like, “You don’t know what you don’t know and there’s even more out there than you think.” We do microwaves, cell phones and Zoom. We know that there’s something here. There are so many things here, but we don’t necessarily look at it in a spiritual way. It’s one of those fascinating things. As far as life moving forward, taking steps, sometimes I view myself as like a soldier in war that’s been shot, been stabbed, and my foot is broken and I just slowly keep going and slowly keep going.
For me, because I had such a young son, I had to go to the beach. I had to be a fun person. It allowed me to have a break where I think a lot of people go into a dark room, they shut everything off, and they just sit there. I don’t think that that’s wrong but because of my situation, I couldn’t do that all the time. It broke it up for me.
In a way, he nurtured you because you were giving such unconditional love. It’s very comforting. It motivated you probably to do your healing because you want to be a healthy parent for him.
It motivated me to get more physical because what was happening, I was carrying him all the time. I was switching arms and we were going to the beach a lot. I moved right onto the beach and I started realizing I was getting in shape from carrying this kid. It’s like, if you carry a rice bag with you everywhere, you start getting jacked. I started going to the gym because I was already getting in shape and that was also a semantic thing.
I didn’t view it as somatic at that moment, but trauma gets trapped in our bodies and we have to release it. I have so many different stories, but it was interesting. The weak after I did the bufo, I helped facilitate another bufo ceremony where I didn’t do it but I helped and it was all women. It was something insane because there was a lot of women. It was like 13 to 15 women. I saw every mutation of this bufo to the point where one girl was literally having orgasms and one girl stood up and was like, “What the is going on? What are you doing? What did you do to me?” Everything in between. It was insane because with me and the three guys, it was more of like Eve and Keel situation. You see all these things and it’s crazy. After a while, I was like I looked for more. I did a lot of reading. I got into psychology, Kabbalah and different ways.
Trauma gets trapped in our bodies; we have to release it. Share on X
Kabbalah talks about past lives like reincarnation. Did you believe in that before?
Not as much as I do now. I believe that there’s souls out there. My son has such a crazy mind because of all these things that we’ve gone through. He has such an amazing mind. He sees a picture of Devora when she was pregnant because I have this TV with photos. He was like, “I wasn’t born yet. I must have been in heaven.” How true is that? I was walking with him a couple of weeks ago and he was like, “I figured out what God looks like.” I said, “What does he look like?” “He’s got the face of baby Yoda, but his body is much bigger.”
Better than the old man in the sky with the big white beard.
I want to help people. I always help people with business stuff. I just saw that this bridge between business and New York City Street smarts and business smarts. I worked in Wall Street for a little while. It was not connecting with the spiritual and I just felt like I could be the bridge. I could be the gap.
Bridging Business & Metaphysics: Coaching Alpha & Timid Men
Now, you go through all of this and you decided you’re going to be a bridge. Talk to us about how you combine coaching with the metaphysical practices because you obviously take the psychological stuff, too. You can buy it with the metaphysical practices and what I love more than anything is that you work with men. You assist your male clients to become authentic and you’re helping them overcome those rigid alpha bro mindsets. Tell us about that alpha bro mindsets that you help them overcome. How do you get to these guys who come in macho? What is this stuff you’re trying to do with me? How does all that work?
I helped two different kinds of men. I help the alpha bros and the, let’s just say, lack of confidence bros.
Do they open themselves up to you or they usually spirit it to you through the women in their lives or they find you and they are open to getting help?
It’s a combination. A lot of times, I’m dealing with people that they’re fed up and/or something happened and they’re looking to go to the next level because I’m very into hypnosis. I have a business partner that runs a hypnosis. His name is Cody Vidal. You have to be ready for it. If you think you’re driving a Ferrari and you’re in a Honda. Your brain isn’t going to believe that and you have to want that. If someone smoking cigarettes, they have to want it.
When the doctor tells them that they’re going to get cancer or God forbid, they do have cancer. The light bulb has to go off. I can’t wrestle someone to the ground. I’m not wrestling anyone anymore. I’m not wrestling anyone anymore in sales either. It’s like, you see the value or you don’t see the value, no problem. When people come to a point and a lot of times, my relationship is going to is going to be over like, “My wife or girlfriend can’t deal with it anymore.” That’s a big one. Health is a big one, people dying, parents dying, and different family members dying.
It’s about looking inside to get the authentic self because the alpha is using insecurity and they’re overcompensating usually. That’s their protection mechanism. They’re overcompensating in certain ways because maybe they feel weak inside. Maybe it’s something where they just feel they need to do this in order to get around the world.
Maybe it’s something they’ve been taught. A lot of guys are said, big boys don’t cry. Big men have to be tough.
I have clients that are in the UFC. It doesn’t get tougher than that. What happens is, then the other guys, the ones that are, let’s say more timid or afraid. They need to step into their power where the other guys, they think they’re stepped into their power but it’s not their real power. They don’t realize that when they get in touch with themselves, the women if they’re saying go, their partner if they’re not, you will bond way more. There will be a connection that is so much stronger. Not only physically but spiritually.
That’s beautiful. Do these guys come in touch with your limiting beliefs?
Yes.
Are they able to open up to their hindering their own growth? Is there a way you help them question those limiting beliefs? Do you believe this stuff? Not only do they question it but then you help them refrain it, which is what you’re talking about here to enhance their possibility. How do you approach them or work with them?
A lot of it is about breaking bad psychology. A perfect example, let’s say it’s a “tough guy” and he’s in a relationship and there’s problems. I’ll just say like, “Tell me what what’s going on. What are the challenges? How does it make you feel? What is she doing that’s causing it?” What it is, a lot of times is people want to point fingers. People want to label, “You see this all the time. They’re a narcissist, a bully or they’re this.” What I have learned is that when you label someone, you’re playing a victim.
People want to point fingers, people want to label; but when you label someone, you're playing the victim. Share on X
Now, the problem with the word victim is people hate that word. I’m not calling you a victim. I’m saying there is part of you that is acting like a victim. I don’t consider myself a victim. At the same time, I have found certain things in my own life where I didn’t even realize, but I’m playing a victim in that specific role. By them telling me what’s going on, then I’ll ask them, “What do you want? What’s the goal? Where is the ending? What do you want to see?” If they tell me, “I want to be in a happy relationship. I want to be closer with my kids.” What’s stopping you? If you were close, if you had this perfect thing, how would you act differently? What would you think differently?
What would have to be discarded for you to achieve this goal?
It’s reverse engineering. When we get into patterns and when they say something to me, “My wife is controlling.” I say, “What did your childhood look like?” They don’t even realize it. I’m making it super simplified but then they’ll be like, “My mom did X, Y, and Z. Would you consider that controlling behaviors?” Yes. Do you see a connection there? Yes. We’re either reliving our unmet needs or a familiar need. It’s one of the other. It’s like, two brothers have an alcoholic father. One of them becomes an alcoholic and one of them never touches alcohol. There’s a lot of DNA and environment, nature versus nurture and how much you want it.
From Conflict to Clarity: A Client’s Transformation
There’s a lot of choice. What I’m hearing is these guys are choosing to transform their lives and they’re not putting the blame on everyone else. They wanted to know what they can do in their own lives to shift that. Give us an example of some guy who came to you with mega issues and how you worked with him and how he turned his life around.
An alpha bro story would be this person came to me. He wasn’t the UFC. He’s a professional fighter.
For people don’t know what that is. what is UFC?
Basically, the big fighting where it’s Brazilian and Jiu-jitsu. Dana White owns it and ultimate fighting.
For some of the girls who are reading, we need to define that.
No problem. Sorry about that. He was in a relationship and it turned out that she was being very toxic. It also turned out that he was also being a little toxic himself. One of the things was, “We can’t control her. We don’t want to manipulate.” I even say this with other people like, we don’t want to change other people. We want to change ourselves. It’s things that we could do. It’s easy to talk to sometimes. It’s easier to talk to the alpha guys because they’re usually already disciplined. They’re usually already concentrating on what they eat and on certain things. It’s like, what can you control?
We don't want to change others; we want to change ourselves. Share on X
Instead of saying, “She did this.” What did you do because I can’t stop her from doing that. You and I are talking. What steps can you take? Everyone wants to engage. A tough guy, an alpha, bro, a guy with a bigger ego or a guy that wants to wrestle love engaging and they can’t even imagine a world where they’re above it or viewing it. These are the guys that on the upper spectrum are like, you’re in a bar and you tap them on the shoulder and they want to fight you.
One of the things I’ll say to people is like, if you’re in a car and someone swerves in front of you and cut them off. There’s going to be a trigger. You’re going to be like, “What the?” Maybe he has diarrhea or maybe he found out his wife is cheating on him in the morning. We don’t know what’s going on but let’s be above it. If you had a billion dollars in your bank account and you had the best life in the world. Would you waste your time pulling over someone in a Honda Civic and beating the crap out of them? I would hope not. I would hope you’d be like, “I have all this cool stuff. There’s no reason to engage. Go F off and live your life. Good for you.” It’s about not engaging and viewing it as like a movie-ish and be above it.
It’s like being a witness what’s going on and then figuring out. He was an alpha guy. He had a relationship problem and you’re working with him. How did you help him turn these difficulties around? What happened to him? Did the relationship improve? Did he break up with her? Did it help reframe his job? How did that change?
In this case, he ended up breaking up with her. They didn’t want to work it out and it just didn’t happen. As he was raising his awareness and his vibration, he realized that the girl was a little bit too narcissistic trait. Only 4% of the population is a true narcissist but she had traits of narcissism, controlling, and of things that he no longer wanted because he was no longer engaging.
From the witness standpoint, he realized that there were things about her that he no longer wanted.
It’s because he realized that she was doing a lot of things his mother was doing and that’s no longer an unmet need of mine. That’s no longer something I want to loop. That’s not a pattern I want to continue. Now he’s in a great relationship with someone who’s awesome. They’re both working on themselves, and it’s just a beautiful thing. I still speak with him often. It’s a great thing because it changed his whole life. He was a guy that was wound very tight and would just engage with everyone in a negative way and looking for trouble. When you look for something, you find it. When you look for love in the relationship or a connection, you’re also going to find it.
Alpha Bro: When you look for something, you find it. So when you look for love and connection in the relationship, you’re also going to find it.
It sounds to me like you also put them in touch with who he was as a person or what his needs were. It’s not just about being attracted to someone. It’s about processing more. You’re changing his mindset.
Yes. I do a lot of timeline therapy as well.
Talk about that.
It’s a form of hypnosis or NLP, but it’s not like you’re going into some crazy trans or anything like that. You’re going back in time and you’re finding an event that happened where this thing started that you’re looking to change. The craziest part about it is people are like, “I can’t remember.” No problem. Don’t even worry about it, but just tell me what you see. Even if you see that you’re in Scooby-Doo or something that doesn’t make sense like you’re on top of a mountain, but you didn’t grow up on a mountain. It doesn’t matter because that thing is what your subconscious mind is showing you to teach you how to go through the next level.
In Kabbalah, it would be a Tikkun, a soul correction. You need this to do the soul correction then we come back in time. We basically changed the event. We remap the event and then we view it from a standpoint. We go in and we see how we feel. Where is the energy? What does it feel like? What color is it? How is it making you feel? Is it making you feel powerful? Is it making you feel weak? We work on that and then we even go into the future. We’re like, “How would this look if you don’t make the change?”
You’re going to be divorced. You’re going to be by yourself. You’re going to end up finding someone else who’s exactly the same way in a different form and it’s going to keep repeating and repeating. The other way is you’re going to go through this heartbreak. You’re going to do this and maybe you’re going to fall back in love. Whatever it is.
You may be grieving it and I can help you with that, too.
It’s about having that a-ha breakthrough moments. It’s about having the breakthrough moment and it’s mostly when someone wants something, they do it. What I’ve realized is the why is the most important thing. Not the how. I like thinking about tangible things. If it’s like, I want to lose some weight. Probably, a not strong enough why. If you go to the doctor and he says, “You have a medical condition. If you don’t change, you’re going to die earlier than you want.” That is the why.
'Why' is the most important thing, not 'how.' Share on X
When you have that strong why, when you have those days that you don’t want to go to the gym or those days that you’re not feeling it or have pain. You’re going to push yourself because you can see the why is more important than the how. When people don’t have a strong why, they usually just stop. If I asked you to run on anyone, they probably stopped in a half a mile. If I said, “A family member’s kidnapped and you need to run 10 miles.” They’ll be able to do it. You could always 10X yourself when you have the correct why.
Unleashing Authenticity: Brian’s Coaching Approach
Now that you’ve told us all about how you do it and what you do. Tell us about your coaching programs. I know you have workshops. You have all these real-world tools that you use to help them embrace their authentic selves. Let it rip. Tell us what you do there, Bryan.
It’s one of those things where if you think about rock bands or bands in general and you think about audiences. You need to play for the right audience. If you’re playing for the wrong audience, people are going to tell you things like, “This is stupid. This doesn’t work. I don’t like the way it sounds. It’s too much money. I don’t get it.” If you can imagine Metallica who’s the greatest band of all time and Taylor Swift who’s probably the number one artist of all time, give or take.
If I switch the concerts, they’re going to be very disappointed but these are both massive people. Metallica sold 150 million albums and Taylor Swift, I don’t even remember. It’s not that Metallica sucks. It’s that they are playing for Taylor Swift’s fans. When you’re yourself and you stop caring what other people think and manipulating people and be like, “What do you want me to say?” When you’re on the date with the girl and you’re like, “I’m going to say I like flowers because she likes flowers.” No, because you’re manipulating.
You end up with her and you never liked flowers and now she’s pissed off at you.
This is the thing and it’s so funny you say that. Everyone always asks, “Do they like me?” What happens is, 3 or 6 months later or 3 or 6 years later, they realize, “I don’t like them but they were so focused if they like me. Am I the person?” Are they going to pick me that you forgot to ask yourself if you like them. It’s just like a kid with a toy. If you take away the toy, they want the toy. If you make a play with the toy, he doesn’t want the toy. If a friend comes over and grabs the toy, they want the toy.
We have to get out of those loops and patterns. We have to be above it. I always say, your people are your people. If your quirky, be quirky. If you are a tough guy, still be a tough guy but also you should not be fighting people in a bar because they touched you or look to you the wrong way. We want to be ourselves and we also want to create our own lanes. Guys come to me that are the opposite of alpha bros and they want to date women but they don’t know how. They want to get a raise and they don’t know how. They want to be better in sales and they don’t how.
You also help them with courage.
Yes, and that’s the word. I don’t like to act as if. I don’t like fake it till you make it. I like courage. Everyone wants confidence and everyone is wrong. Confidence comes after courage. When you have the courage to do something like, let’s say, go up and talk to a girl or go online and do a profile. It takes courage. When you do it over and over again, the law of reps. Now you have confidence. Everyone’s waiting for confidence and that’s why they don’t have it. Unless you do the implementation and action, you’re never going to get the confidence.
Do you gather men in workshops? Do they open up to each other or it’s more of a private thing? I know that you have these coaching programs. Is this one-on-one? I would imagine you do a lot of things online also.
Usually, I do one-on-one. I feel like for most of these guys, they’ll open up with a group but they won’t open up to the level that I need them to open up. I’m very good with making people feel comfortable because the fact is, I just want to help you. You have this goal in mind and I’m here to get you to the goal but I’m your doctor, I’m your surgeon. I need to see what’s going on. How many times do people see a therapist for years and then they start lying to the therapist because they don’t want the therapist to know that they went back with the guy or started the drug again or whatever solution they have? Addiction is solution.
Sometimes, you need to have someone who’s just coming in there, a new person. Let’s lay it on the table. This is a judgment-free zone and let’s figure out what the real problem is because you don’t have an alcohol problem. You have an alcohol solution. You don’t have a drug problem. You have a drug solution. You don’t have a sex problem. You have a sex solution. You’re soothing yourself. We have to figure out how this started and then reframe it. Understand what is happening and where is it coming from.
Sometimes, it’s going to be like touching a stove or immediately wiring the brain. If you touch the stove, I’m never touching the stove. Again, sometimes you’re going to have to spend the rest of your life looking in the mirror every morning, remember and reminding yourself who the F you are. Somethings are in spirituality and self-help are going to come like the stove and sudden things you’re going to have to do it like that. It’s like, even with affirmations, which I could go in or out with. You don’t want to lie to yourself because that’s also being an authentic.
If you’re not rich and you’re going in the mayor saying, “I’m rich.” It’s not going to happen, but if you say things like, “Money is flowing to me. I am getting wealthier every day. Everything I’m doing is amassing certain money.” All of a sudden, you find a penny on the floor. Bingo. You have to be grateful. Honestly, my number one mobility and my number one thing is gratitude.
I couldn’t agree more.
It’s the most important thing. In May of 2024, I also lost my mother. Both, Devorah and my mother Carol died in the month of May. It’s also Mother’s Day in the month of May and my son is like, “I hate Mother’s Day,” and my last name is May, which is the irony of my life. It’s a crazy thing, but you have to be grateful for the experience where human beings living in a spiritual experience. We have to be grateful. Instead of thinking about, “I was supposed to old age with Devorah. I was supposed to do all these things with Devorah,” but that never happened. Now, you’re living in a fake future or maybe you’re living in a fake path.
You’re living in lamenting instead of moving forward to be able to say, “Maybe I learned certain lessons from this experience with Devorah which are taking me into the rest of my life.”
You have to be grateful for the experience and understand like in Kabbalah, in life, these things are for the betterment of your soul. They are for the betterment of you, but that doesn’t mean that just because this incident happened, your soul is going to rise. You have to understand that happened for good. It’s more than just like, “Whatever is supposed to happen is supposed to happen or there’s a good thing.” You have to know that I am grateful for what happened. I’m even grateful for the things I couldn’t control and love the time that you had with them. Love the experience. I have a son with Devorah, so it’s like a constant reminder of it. It’s just a beautiful thing when you do that and it’s hard for people to do. It’s very hard. It’s much easier to say than do.
They have all these expectations and all these things that were supposed to happen. It’s like is saying, “This is life. Now, what do I do with this? What are my choices here?” I’m hearing you’re more on one-on-one coaching than doing workshops? Is that correct?
That is correct. I usually do one-on-ones. I’m thinking about doing some groups. One of the person I work with does strictly hypnosis, he does more groups stuff. Sometimes, if people want group stuff, I do refer them to him, but I like one-on-one stuff because I just want to go in there. I do think there’s value to groups. You hear someone else and sometimes you can get a breakthrough by listening to someone else, but I feel like the real work is one-on-one.
Do they start with a discovery call with you?
For your guests, your readers, I’m going to do a free discovery call. We’ll go over exactly what their experience, what they experience, and where they want to go and see if there’s a fit. If there’s not a fit, I know so many people. I could point them to the correct direction.
Releasing the Backpack: The Power of Healing
What is Bryan’s message about the importance of healing that he’d like to share with our readers? Why do you want to drop that backpack that you’ve been carrying around with all those lousy mindsets and changes?
There’s a story about these two monks. The opposite of an alpha bro is a monk. They’re walking around and it’s probably thousand years ago and they come to a waterbed. They come to a river. There’s a woman there and she’s wearing this long dress. She says to them, “I can’t go across the river. I’ll get my dress wet.” One of the monks say, “Jump on my back. I’m going to go there anyway, and I’ll get you a cross.”
They go across. He puts her down and he says, “Have a great life.” She says, “Thank you guys so much. You guys have a great life, too.” Two or three hours go by, they’re walking and the other monk turns around and says, “I can’t believe you picked up that lady. We’re not supposed to touch women.” He said, “I put her down two hours ago. You’re the one who still holding on to her.” It’s this idea. Healing is not going to happen in an instant. It might. There are different parts of it.
A puzzle where there’s a draw and a draw. You might have to go around a few times, but it’s about releasing. It’s not about adding. You are buried. You may be the love of your life and/or the person your life is buried in the ground, but your buried by negative beliefs. Your buried by other people’s things that you’ve adopted and we need to get you out where most people are trying to put stuff on them. Healing is not on. It’s out. I agree with you.
It’s right. I agree with you. I liken it to the people carrying around backpacks with their traumas and their experiences. You can almost feel the energy when a person who’s carrying all that with them walks into a room. Why not heal and start letting things go out of the backpack. That changes your whole life. It changes your energy.
It’s interesting. I think a lot of things are decisions and choices. You have a choice not to smoke cigarettes. You have a choice to go to the gym, and I used to think of it as a light switch. What I realized for myself is, I was putting myself down in a way because I was like, “It’s just a simple switch on the wall. Why can’t I pick it up?” I realized, it’s not like a switch on the wall. It’s like one of those things. Remember that you used to execute people buy electric or Frankenstein, where it’s like this big rusty switch that hasn’t been used in 100 years and you have to push it up with all your might. When I viewed it like that, I switched it off.
It makes a lot of sense. It’s points to heal, to let that stuff go. What is the famous Bryan May tip for finding joy in life?
My tip is your people are your people and if they’re not your people, don’t even worry about them. Stop concentrating on the dirt. Start concentrating on the gold or diamonds, depending on what country you’re in. It’s like in sales. The people that aren’t your clients, don’t worry about them. Take care of your clients. The people that don’t think you’re funny, don’t worry about them. Certain people think I love Andrew Dice Clay and I was born in 1980. Andrew Dice Clay is not for everyone. He’s packed-out Madison Square Garden. I’m sure you could put on Netflix.
Some people you’re going to find funny and some people you’re not. Stop concentrating on the guy who’s not laughing. Start concentrating on the whole crowd that is your fans, laughing, cheering you on and supporting you. Stop focusing on the people that are never going to do business with you, never going to ask them for a favor and they’re never going to help you.
That makes so much sense. Bryan, your story serves as an inspiration to those facing adversity and it highlights the true success. It’s not just about professional achievements but about overcoming life’s greatest challenges with courage and determination. Thank you for weaving together your sharp business acumen and deep spiritual wisdom to help men transcend their limiting beliefs, achieve meaningful transformation and step fully into their most authentic selves.
Your story serves as a testament to the fact that true transformation is possible through intentional, meaningful change. From my heart, I thank you for the wisdom and compassion you continue to share guiding men toward healing, strength and new meaning in their lives. What an extraordinary gift you are bringing to the world. Thank you again from my heart and many blessings.
Thank you so much.
My pleasure.
Guest Links:
- Bryan May’s Website
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- Connect with Bryan May on LinkedIn
- Cody Vidal
About Bryan May
Bryan May is a highly sought-after Breakthrough Consultant who blends business acumen with spirituality to help individuals break through personal and professional barriers. With a background in real estate, Bryan has sold over 300 homes and facilitated more than $250 million in business transactions, and yet his expertise extends far beyond the world of property. After experiencing significant personal challenges, including the loss of his wife and a battle with Crohn’s disease, Bryan turned to self-improvement, spirituality, and various healing modalities to rebuild his life.
Drawing from his personal experiences, Bryan now helps others overcome limiting beliefs, self-doubt, and life’s inevitable plateaus. His unique style combines coaching with metaphysical practices to assist clients in becoming the most authentic versions of themselves. He specializes in helping everyday individuals unlock extraordinary potential without relying on extreme and unrealistic habits or rigid “alpha bro” mindsets. Instead, Bryan promotes sustainable, realistic change, guiding his clients through mindset transformations, accountability practices, and practical strategies for personal growth.
