Rising from Devastating Grief through Spiritual Healing
Spiritual healing for grief can reveal unexpected strength, insight, and even moments of joy in the aftermath of loss.
Aleksandra Chumak is a first-generation Ukrainian immigrant, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, fantasy novelist, and spiritual explorer, whose life is a living testament to the resilience of the human spirit. After enduring a series of profound family losses, Aleks transformed her pain into purpose, dedicating her life to helping others navigate the depths of grief and rediscover joy.
Certified in Family Constellations, Positive Psychology, and Grief Counseling, Aleks weaves together a rich tapestry of healing modalities—from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Somatic Trauma Healing to compassion-based practices and spiritual wisdom. Her work gently guides clients back to their bodies, values, and souls, helping them reclaim safety, agency, and meaning.
Be sure to tune in to hear Irene and Aleks explore the transformative losses that shaped Aleks’s path, the signs Aleks has received from her late husband Michael and her connection to the Other Side, healing intergenerational wounds and ancestral trauma, energy practices that unlock intuition and spiritual alignment, the unexpected gifts of grief and how it can become a portal to profound growth, and more!
Whether you’re grieving, healing, or simply seeking deeper meaning, this episode will surely be a deeply nourishing and spiritually enriching experience for you!
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR ABOUT THINGS LIKE:
- Transforming profound family losses and personal pain into purpose.
- The role of spiritual experiences, such as dreams and past life regression, in navigating grief.
- Discovering inner strength and resilience in the face of overwhelming loss.
- A therapeutic approach integrating acceptance and commitment therapy, somatic trauma healing, compassion-based practices, and spirituality.
- How to awaken intuition and higher purpose through guided meditations.
- The “gifts of grief,” including a shift in perspective and spiritual awakening.
- Overcoming guilt about experiencing joy while grieving.
- How grief can be a gateway to healing, growth, love, and spiritual awakening.
- Why grieving people often feel guilty about feeling joy.
SOME QUESTIONS IRENE ASKS ALEKSANDRA:
- What are the profound losses in your life that inspired you to turn your tremendous pain into purpose?
- What life changing lessons have you learned thanks to the loss of your husband about yourself and the world?
- What has supported you the most in navigating the grief of losing your husband Michael?
- What signs have you received from Michael that deepened your connection to the Other Side?
- How do you help guide your clients to reconnect with their bodies, values, and souls?
- What is acceptance and commitment therapy and somatic trauma training?
- How do you help people awaken their intuition and higher purpose?
- What do you call the “gifts of grief”?
- Aleks, why is it important to heal? How does healing happen?
- What is the Aleksandra tip for finding joy in life?’
💔 Healing Together After Loss 💔
Join Aleksandra Chumak’s online psychotherapy group “I Lost My Partner” and connect with others who truly understand. Get 25% off when you mention this podcast in the referral section. More info & sign-up: www.heartytherapy.com
GRIEF AND REBIRTH LINKS
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Rising from Devastating Grief through Spiritual Healing
I hope this message finds each of you very well. I’m speaking to you from my studio in West Orange, New Jersey. I could not be more delighted to have the pleasure of interviewing Aleksandra Chumak, who is a first-generation Ukrainian immigrant, a licensed mental health counselor based in New York City, a fantasy novelist, and a spiritual explorer whose life and work are a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. After experiencing profound family losses in a short span of time, Aleks turned her pain into purpose, dedicating her career to helping others navigate the depths of grief.
Aleks is certified in family constellations, positive psychology, and grief counseling. Through her therapeutic approach woven from acceptance and commitment therapy, somatic trauma healing, compassion-based practices, and spirituality, Aleks gently guides her clients to reconnect with their bodies, their values, and their souls, helping them to reclaim safety, agency, and joy. For those open to deeper exploration, Aleks offers guided meditations, oracle card work, storytelling, and energy practices that awaken intuition and higher purpose.
I’m looking forward to a powerful and enlightening conversation with Aleks about the profound losses that led her to transform pain into purpose, the signs she received from her late husband, Michael, that deepened her connection to the other side, and her unique therapeutic approach. We’ll also delve into healing intergenerational wounds and the energy practices Aleks uses to awaken intuition and align with higher purpose, discover what the gifts of grief are, and much more for an interview that will surely be deeply healing and spiritually enriching for all of us.
Aleks, a warm, heartfelt welcome to the show.
I’m so happy to be here. Thank you for inviting me.
Finding Purpose After Profound Loss: Aleksandra’s Journey
You’re welcome. I’m thrilled that you sought us out because we have a feature where people who have stories to tell can approach us. I’m glad you did. When I saw your story, I was like, “I have to have her on the show.” That’s wonderful. We’re both fellow Ukrainians. My background is from Ukraine, also. This is special. Let’s start by having everyone learn about you because I know you had profound losses in your life that inspired you to turn tremendous pain into purpose. Not everybody can do that. That’s wonderful. Do you want to tell us about that?
It all started in 2020 when my first grandfather was dying. I started seeing him in my dreams. His soul would come to me and say, “I want to go. I’m suffering so much. I want to go.” I remember, soon after that, I had a conversation with my grandfather. The day after, he died. I remember how I told him, “Grandfather, remember how you always told me that everything is going to be good?” He said, “Yes.” I said, “Everything is good in my life now.” He died a day after that. That was the first experience.
In 2021, I lost my two grandparents, my mom’s parents, to COVID. Three months later, the war in Ukraine started. I’m from Mariupol, so our town got burned to the ground completely. More than 100,000 people died. My family’s business, which they had worked on for over 30 years, was completely destroyed. There was such a disaster. We thought, “This is probably the edge of the grief we can take.”
Where did you go when your home was destroyed?
I was already in America, but my parents have a house by the sea outside of town. They lived in this house that was meant to be their vacation home, but it turned into a permanent home because of all the destruction. After that, in 2023, on the same day, I lost my mother-in-law, my friend, and tarot teacher. They died within a few hours of each other. I was present when my mother-in-law was dying. There was a sacred moment. My husband, Michael, and I would both be there with her because her only wish was not to die alone. I remember how Michael said, “Ma, you got your wish granted.” Five months later, I found Michael dead in his sleep, five months after his mom’s death. That was the worst experience of my whole life.
What motivated you with all of this to turn this tremendous pain into purpose? What path did you start to take?
After my mom’s parents died, I started also seeing weird dreams about them and about their souls. I’m like, “I need to find out what’s happening on the other side.” I went to a past life regression session. I started reading the book by Michael Newton, Journey of Souls. I actually found a student of Michael Newton, who is practicing past-life regression hypnosis. I reached out. “I need answers. I need this.” I did past life regression. I remember that feeling coming out of the session. I was laughing because I felt like I was wearing a costume, and this was not the complete reality. I’m like, “We’re all playing the game here. This is a theater.” I was laughing. It was surreal. I’m like, “This is so funny that we even believe this is all serious.”
A Meaningful Farewell: Michael’s Gifts of Closure
That’s fabulous. What a great gift God gave you. I can relate to that. You had a very meaningful week with Michael the week before he unexpectedly died. It’s so interesting to me because, in a way, Saul gave me a send-off, not knowing, but his soul knew that he was going to go. Tell us about that week that you had, and how it helped Michael to know how loved and appreciated he was. How did that week help you on this healing journey that you’ve been on, leading to you helping so many others? Tell us about that.
It’s very important to share that the week before Michael died, he found an Instagram promo for ceremonial cacao. He ordered it, even though it wasn’t like him. He’s like, “Do you know what to do with that?” I’m like, “Yes, I heard people doing gratitude ceremonies with cacao. Let’s do this.” We did a cacao ceremony. We said thank yous. The purpose of the ceremony is to exchange gratitudes with each other. We said thank you for every little or big thing we ever experienced with each other. Michael was crying. I was crying.
I told him, “Michael, if one of us died all of a sudden, I think there would be nothing left unsaid.” He said, “Yes, I agree. This is beautiful.” That was the first strange experience. The night before Michael died, we were sitting in the restaurant having dinner. For some reason, I told him, “Michael, how about we agree that in the next life, we meet earlier and we spend the whole life together?” Michael said, “I think this is a good idea, deal.” That was his last night. We never had this kind of conversation before. Out of the blue, it came to me.
It’s wonderful that he was so open.
A reason for that is that his mother was practicing tarot and astrology. His mom was into spiritual stuff. He heard this growing up all the way, probably. That’s why he was open. That was so unusual. It felt like some strange closure. That night before his death, we had a blue moon that was once in 75 years or something like that. I told him, “Michael, do you know there’s a special blue moon?” He said, “Yes. Do you want to go watch it? Let’s take our cat with us.” He never wanted the cat out of the house.
He yelled at me like, “Why did you let the cat out? If he runs away, you’re not going to survive it.” He says, “Do you want to take the cat to watch the moon?” Three of us went to watch the moon and took pictures. That was his last night on earth. That was very beautiful and meaningful. It definitely helped me to know that we exchanged all the gratitudes. We had an agreement for the next life.
In America, we would say, “He left you with no woulda, coulda, shouldas.” He left you with closure. I had that also. It doesn’t change the grief over losing the person, but it is such an amazing comfort that it happened. He died in bed, I guess.
Yes.
You found him. How heartbreaking. This happened. You have this comfort, but you have the tremendous grief that he’s physically gone. What supported you the most in navigating this grief? What did you do to start moving? I know he was giving you signs, “I’m here,” that deepened your connection to the other side. What was that about?
Navigating Grief: Michael’s Presence and Spiritual Signs
That was exactly the feeling of Michael’s presence. I felt his energy. He’s had very strong energy. I exactly felt when he was in the room. The first night, I woke up in some world in between. Michael was in there on his first night after he died. He saw that I saw him. He was so happy. He’s like, “My baby.” I’m like, “Michael?” He’s like, “Yes, I’m here.” I’m like, “You died.” He’s like, “No, I’m here.” He started hugging me and kissing me.
You could feel that?
I could because it felt physically real. I thought I was awake. My brain started realizing it’s a dream. I started screaming, “I saw you dead.” I woke up again in the same room. It looked the same. It was dark. Everything was the same, but Michael wasn’t there anymore. I knew it was real. Every day after his death, he was sending me the signs that cannot be a coincidence. I keep talking to Michael, keep communicating with him, and keep seeing those signs. That actually kept me alive and continued expanding my spiritual journey, my relationship with the other side, and my searching and trusting.
All of this, did it immediately inspire you to take on grieving clients, to help them heal towards love and cultivate relationships with their departed loved ones? Was this a process that happened later down the line?
That would happen before. For some reason, people in grief started coming to me even before that all happened, but after my grandparents died. Somehow, after I did this past life regression, I started feeling there were some spirits out there. That’s when people in grief started coming to me.
That’s amazing. They were attracted to you. They felt that you could help them. You had life-changing lessons after the loss of your husband that taught you about yourself and the world.
Yes. First of all, it told me about myself that I’m much stronger than I thought, because I was convinced, and I told Michael, “If you die, I’ll die. I don’t know how to live without you. They will crush me.” I learned about myself how much strength I actually have, that I didn’t collapse. I continued living. I was confronting people who were not wishing me well. I’ve been doing the things I never thought I could do. I was dealing with situations that only Michael could do, in my opinion, before that. I’m like, “That was Michael’s problem. I cannot deal with all of that.” I was dealing with all of that. I’m like, “Look at me. Maybe I am strong.”
I learned how much strength I truly have. I didn't collapse, but continued living. Share on X
Holistic Healing: Reconnecting Body, Values, and Soul
That’s marvelous. That’s wonderful. You have a therapeutic approach now that you use to help people who are in grief who approach you. I’d love for you to explain what you use and how you do this to help guide your clients. You help them reconnect with their bodies, their values, and their souls. Someone comes to you. What is that like?
I have one story of studying spirituality, energy, and connection. I studied yoga for over ten years while I was in Ukraine. The connection between body, mind, and spirit was always important to me. I knew that neglecting one part of ourselves cannot bring full healing. That healing has to be happening on all levels, body, emotional, and soul. Not many people even operate in this concept. It’s very important to include. It’s another gift of my multiple losses that I actually started putting this part of me forward and my work.
Before, I had a lot of ideas about what therapy is supposed to look like, that it’s supposed to be only evidence-based methods. Never bring anything outside of official science. I felt caged in that. After those losses, I realized what’s truly important, what truly brings us to healing, and that I cannot hold back the truth. I cannot because there are people out there who want to hear about the soul, hear about the other side, and learn how to read signs. A lot of clients in grief consulting are like, “How do I know if that’s a sign or not a sign? How do I ask for a sign?” I provided education on all of those aspects. I need to bring the spiritual part forward, provide, and help my clients find that connection of all parts of themselves to reach the healing.
Acceptance and Somatic Trauma: A Unique Therapeutic Approach
I know that a lot of your healing is woven from acceptance and commitment therapy, somatic trauma healing, compassion-based practices, and spirituality. Could you tell our audience about acceptance and commitment therapy and somatic trauma training? I’m sure they could figure out compassion-based practices and spirituality. Do you channel deceased loved ones and get information for people if it comes through during your healing sessions?
Yes. I’ll start with channeling because it’s not something that I do intentionally. I’m not a medium. I cannot do it on purpose. Twice when I was with clients who lost their parents, I felt this unmistakable feeling that their parents were here. They were taking over my mind. I felt like someone was shaking me, ”Tell them I’m here.” I’m like, “Wait, slow down.” I tried to banish it from my mind, but I couldn’t because they were so strong, occupying my own mind.
Neglecting one part of ourselves cannot bring full healing. Healing must occur on all levels: body, emotional, and soul. Share on X
I’m like, “Please don’t find me crazy, but I think your mom or your dad is here. That’s what they wanted me to say.” The clients were deeply attached, but like, “That’s what my dad would actually have said.” That was so crazy because my first experience was when someone I didn’t know showed up. I know how Michael showing up feels like, but I never knew how someone I’ve never met shows up feels like.
What a gift that was. You had that, and then tell us about this acceptance and commitment therapy. It’s all a part of a package of what you do to help people. That’s why I want people to understand how you can help them. You do all of these things. You even sometimes get messages for them. What is this acceptance and commitment therapy?
This is mostly a behavioral approach, but it’s combined with Eastern teachings and is based a lot on acceptance. The idea is that we suffer when we resist reality and resist experiences. If we accept them, rather than fighting with those experiences and emotions, that’s when we find peace. Whether it’s anxiety, grief, depression, or any uncomfortable feelings that people tend to avoid, acceptance and commitment therapy tells you, “Let’s bring it in. Let’s face it. Let’s let it wash over us like a wave. Let’s notice it like a radio wave sometimes. “ This is the acceptance part.
The commitment part is based on finding one’s values. Research shows that people are happy when they follow their true values, when they live according to what’s important for them and not anyone else. In acceptance and commitment therapy, we search for those values. We clear them up. We create a plan on how you can commit to your values in your daily life. How can you leave your values on a daily basis, not once in a while, because that’s the important key to joy, peace, and happiness in life?
You’re helping them to change because they don’t have to do anything, but you give them the option so that they can choose to alter the way they’re processing information. Tell us a little bit about somatic trauma healing.
Somatic healing is based on the idea that a lot of our trauma lives in the body. That’s why we cannot work through this on an intellectual level by talking about it or reliving the memories, because a lot of this has gotten into the body. By going through it, I provide clients with breaths, movement, or sometimes even sounds to get out of this trauma. If their trauma told them to hide, we first sit with this hiding. You can hide. It’s allowed to hide. You don’t need to pretend like you don’t need to hide.
We leave fully the experience with the body, like the experience of hiding, and then the body tells what’s next. Usually, when we let our body do what it wants, to take this protective shape that it needs, then the body feels secure enough at some point for what’s next. This usually comes out of this state of hiding. It’s reaching for connection. The body is a wise guide. It shows us the way. We can even discuss with my client how this reaching-out move can look in your life.
You get people in touch with things that they’ve never even been aware of in their lives. They’ve been reacting to things. “This is what I’m supposed to do.” They’ve been dealing with the trauma and the drama in their lives. They’ve probably never tuned in to their bodies and how their bodies are processing what’s going on. That sounds like a wonderful way to help them. How do you help people awaken their intuition and their higher purpose?
When we allow our body to take the protective shape it needs, it then feels secure enough to move forward. Share on X
It is mostly through meditation, awakening intuitions through different guided meditations, and having people sit with themselves and actually ask deep questions, and not running away from them. That’s a very powerful way to access intuition.
The Gifts of Grief: Spiritual Growth and Finding Joy
You have a lot of people going, “This is great information,” tuning into their bodies, and tuning into their intuition. What do you call the gifts of grief, Aleks?
It would be linked to the question about purpose. This is looking at your life with the soul perspective or the spiritual perspective, not from the human part of your reality, and asking, “Why am I here? What is important? Why am I really here?” It is not to make money or buy a nicer house or a bag. What are you here for that you cannot take with you to the other side? This question is one of the gifts that grief givers have because when you’re grieving, you don’t care about all the superficial stuff anymore. You’re looking at it like, “This doesn’t matter. Why did I believe it mattered?” This is one of the beautiful gifts. Another gift I will call is spiritual awakening, which happens for a lot of people. I’ve worked with so many skeptics. “I don’t believe in any of that, but I actually start believing.”
How do you handle that when people say, “I don’t believe in anything you do?” What do you say? Some of them still work with you.
Yes, surprisingly. I don’t know. They feel something that their brain doesn’t believe in them, but their soul does. Part of them that is their soul keeps them. “You should stay there.” Maybe there’s intuition. Intuition, I feel like that’s when our soul is guiding us. That’s why I feel like they feel connected with me on some different level than rational.
They feel very safe with you. They’re connected with you. I was a total skeptic before I had my spiritual awakening. When skeptics tell me, “I don’t believe in any of this stuff,” I don’t take it personally. I say, “They’ll find out when they cross over. They’ll have such a surprise.” I want you to tell everyone all the ways that you help people. What’s available? I know you have individual and group therapy. I know you have a psychotherapy group for people who’ve lost partners. Tell us everything that you do so that people can think about contacting you and getting the help that they need. You even have a psychotherapy group for people who’ve lost partners, right?
Yes.
That’s so cool. That’s so interesting. Tell us all about that.
That was a group inspired by my experience of losing Michael. I wanted to give back to people who also lost their partners. I know how terrifying and lonely this journey can be. I decided, “Why not create a group where we will talk?” There was a spiritually focused approach, too, for me. I’m like, “Let me put in a program that we will talk about science. We will talk about constructing grief rituals. We will talk about the ways to live in a condition where half of you is dead with that person. Half of your identity is dead because I’m not that person’s partner anymore.”
“Who am I without this person?”
All the things were brought up in the group program. It’s interesting how everyone who came to the group had some weird synchronicities with each other. Either the names of our partners were similar or the date of death was similar. There were such interesting coincidences. For those who were skeptics, we started talking. They see some synchronicity. “I think I should be here.” Every time, I was fascinated.
You also do individual therapy, right?
Yes, I do individual therapy. Grief work is a part of my work, but I always bring a bigger context. It is grief in the context of your whole life, your connection with the soul, and your contract with the soul on a grand scheme of things.
That’s beautiful. I could see how that would help people. You bring in a bunch of different modalities that you can draw on. Is there anything else you want to tell us about what you do? I know that you have a special offer for the members of our audience.
Yes, I do have a special offer. If you want to be part of the I Lost My Partner group, please reach out. I can provide a 25% discount for group participation for the whole time. This is the ongoing group. You can join anytime.
It’s marvelous. What is the name of your website? Is it HeartyTherapy.com?
Yes, it’s from the word heart, therapy from the heart.
The Path to Joy: Healing, Connection, and Overcoming Guilt
Aleks, why would you tell people in our audience it’s important to heal? How does healing happen?
It’s important to heal because that’s why I was always here, to have some experience to go through all this, sometimes darkness, devastation, and being broken to being whole. That’s where our soul finds joy by collecting the parts of itself and by transforming pain into peace, into purpose, and into inner light. It is simply because it feels good to heal, much better than to suffer.
A lot of people don’t want to heal because of the suffering they’re going to go through, but once you can unload that, then you get to joy. What is the Aleks tip for finding joy in life?
My ways to find joy in life are daily connection with nature, eating good food, hugging the people I love, and animals.
That sounds beautiful. That’s wonderful. You can experience joy. Were you able to experience joy even though you’re grieving, Michael, at all? Did one preclude the other, or did you find you could do both? Some people feel that when they’re suffering and struggling, there’s no room for joy.
There is room for joy at all times. A big source of my joy was connecting with Michael and keeping my relationship with Michael. Every time I receive the sign, I’m overflowed with joy. Also, I always try to separate. There is part of you that’s devoted to grieving, and it’s okay, but there’s always a part of you that’s devoted to life. Continue with life because if you’re still here, it’s not your time to go. You may as well enjoy it.
Aleks, I have to ask you. Why do people feel guilty about feeling joy sometimes? I know that they’re grieving and all, but I know that’s an actual fact that people do feel guilt about that. Would you like to talk to us about that?
This is true, pretty much every person I’ve ever worked with, and myself too, feeling guilty for feeling joy, especially soon after we lost our loved ones. The question is, when is soon? Not having the specific guidelines around grief, like what are the rituals, what is the lifespan of the grief, or when is it appropriate to laugh, lacking that guidance and having this twisted understanding about what grief looks like, makes people feel guilty. I’m like, “I’m not allowed to feel joy. I’m not allowed to live. How long is it okay? When is it time?” All these questions are confusing. We as a society need more education on grief, that it’s okay.
My answer is always that the garden is dead and alive at the same time. It’s not either dead or alive. It’s okay to have all the feelings at the same time and bring in compassion to ourselves when we’re grieving. I’m a human. I need joy. I need joy to live. I need to love. This alive part of my soul is still here. I’m here to be alive. Holding all this complexity of grief is very important for healing. Trying to push life away only keeps us stuck.
You help people to get past that guilt.
I do. I help them accept it and have compassion for themselves.
That’s marvelous. Aleks, I love your unwavering commitment. You’re so authentic and honest. I love your commitment to freedom, love, self-growth, kindness, and courage. It radiates through your work. You’ve got a mission. You invite us to reflect deeply on why we’re here, what our soul is here to learn, and how we can live with greater compassion for ourselves and one another. That’s so important. You’re also offering us a healing lens for healing intergenerational wounds and restoring harmony within our inner and outer worlds. I love your belief that grief is a sacred gateway to hope, love, and transformation. I could not agree with you more. I truly wish you abundant blessings. Thank you so much, heartfelt.
Thank you so much for having me here.
My true pleasure.
Guest Links
- Connect with Aleksandra Chumak on her website
- Check out Journey of Souls
- Connect with Aleksandra Chumak on Instagram
- Connect with Aleksandra Chumak on YouTube
- Check out the Tales from the MIA series
About Aleksandra Chumak
Ukrainian native Aleksandra Chumak is a New York-based psychotherapist, a fantasy novel writer, and a spiritual explorer who believes that gifts of hope, love, and growth can be found in grief. Aleksandra has always felt a connection with the invisible world, and whether she is writing a novel or working with her clients, she helps people grow a connection with their soul and to reflect on the reasons why we are here and what our lessons. After going through multiple losses in the family over a short period of time, Aleksandra started working with grief professionally through individual and group therapy.
